“Wow, I’ve never expected a woman to write such good science fiction.”
I grit my teeth and close the sale. “Thank you.”
“And hot too. Would you like to meet at the bar later?”
Thankfully, this has never happened to me to me. Well, at a convention. The bar thing – being asked on a date after performing a professional service like tax preparation, that happens every year. The “you are really good at math for a woman”, “you are really smart for a female”, “how come you are not home taking care of babies, you are so pretty”. Yeah, all of that.
It’s called “Benevolent Sexism”.
Women should be home with children. Men should be protecting and supporting the women. Math and science for men; language and emotions for women. Women are fragile; men don’t cry. Females are pretty first and then their occupation; men are competent wage-earners before being physically healthy and attractive. No one is valued for being themselves.
Smile, you look pretty.
How badly does this impact society? When people are being “nice”, but judging worth by gender stereotypes?
Wage inequality. Medical inequality (see One Gender Research). Legal inequality. Abuse hiding in shadows. Glass ceilings. The list goes on.
And, no, it isn’t pleasant to have to a guy (after turning him down twice while you can’t get away because you are doing his taxes) laughingly go “see you next year, you might say yes!”
Yes, this article is nearly a decade old. It still applies today.
Tannenbaum, Melanie. “The Problem when Sexism Just Sounds So Darn Friendly…” Scientific American. 2013 April 2. https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/psysociety/benevolent-sexism/?fbclid=IwAR2Qu6B-R7XjLwA0AGrR0U8VMOQsCHvjo5r23O4p5l63Ptgle6gHjl5VC9E (Last viewed 4/5/2022)
(If you read nothing else of the article, read the obituary for Yvonne Brill. The “twist” at the end is EXACTLY what is wrong about benevolent sexism. If you read a second thing in the article, read the comments of when ‘I f*king love science’ come out on twitter as a woman. )