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Editing Rant: Building not Repeating
Photo by Massimo Adami on Unsplash
THIS! THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY BUILDING!!!
Okay, let me start from the beginning. A common issue with authors getting their first (or fifty-first) edit is repeating information. Now, repeating information isn’t necessarily bad, but it shouldn’t be the same as what has appeared before.
Places to repeat information include (1) at the beginning of each book in a series or serial. (a) The series needs a recap, but it doesn’t need to be more complicated than the normal background information drops; it just so happens that this time you have an actual book with the background information, not just something in the character’s head that needs to be let out slowly. (b) For a serial (where the characters don’t change (much) between stories and the books can be read in any order – for example cozy mystery “series”), just need to quickly reintroduce the characters.
Do not do the serial introduction with a cut-and-paste of previous information (for the love of everything, please don’t do this!!!). Maybe introduce them through the eyes of a different character, or by having us get to know them through observing the new murder mystery.
(2) When there is a mystery or something unfurling like it, such as a political thriller, and a recap is needed periodically to keep the reader on the same page with the character.
(3) Just the general making sure the reader doesn’t forget an important aspect of what is happening.
When not to repeat EVER – you just said the information not two paragraphs ago. (SECONDARY RANT!!!)
I need to tell him to bathe before we leave, Martha thinks as she rushes upstairs.
John, being the teenager that he is, is still struggling to get out of bed. His younger brother is tying his shoes.
“Don’t forget to shower. Hop to it or we will be late.” Martha tells John before heading down the hall to change her clothes.
You think I am joking that this sort of thing happens all the time, but it does. Don’t repeat. Build.
Options
One) Have a different character say the information so the perspective is different.
I need to tell him to take a bath before we leave, Martha thinks as she rushes upstairs.
John, being the teenager that he is, is still struggling to get out of bed. His younger brother is tying his shoes.
“Hurry up, we are going to be late. And shower!” Martha tells John before heading down the hall to change her clothes.
“Yeah John, shower. You are stinky,” says Rafe. With the skill developed over a lifetime of being the younger brother, he dodges the pillow thrown at him.
(Two) Different information. Each time the repeat is done (three times to make something real), reveal different details An example is describing the character’s car each time they get in: (a) the red sports car; (b) he loved the remote heating seats in winter; (c) the white interior fortunately was leather so the mud would clean out. This works like background information, don’t reveal certain details unless they are needed. No need for a one-page character / item description when you can drop details in throughout the book.
(Three) Build. Each time something is repeated, reveal something more. Make it richer.
Back to the THIS! THIS!
So in Dungeon Crawler Carl, one of his catch phrases is “You will not break me.” But Matt Dinniman is amazing, he only has Carl say this once per book. It is a defining line, but it is said differently each time. (Another catch phrase is “Damnit Donut.” If you are reading this series, watch this line evolve.)
Book One is the standard: “You’re not going to break me,” I said. “You might hurt me, or kill me, but you’re not going to break me.”
The wonderful confidence, knowing death is likely, but he will mentally fight them with everything he has and hold it together. He won’t become what they want. A wonderfully innocent thought.
Book Two, the sentiment builds emotionally: You will not break me. You will not break me. (Fuck you all.)
Book Three, the words are written out with planning and intent, a mental commitment: They will not break me. Fuck them all. They will not break me. But I will break them. This is my promise to myself, to my friends, and to you, anyone who reads these words. I will break them all. – Crawler Carl, 25th Edition of The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook
This is what I mean by, “if you must repeat, build.” Matt Dinniman builds.
Writing Exercise: Reintroduction
Just ran across a wonderful post about why reintroducing yourself on your various social media is IMPORTANT. It isn’t about starting over, but about defining where you are now. If you have been on any app, or just plugging along on your own blog for decades, every now and again you need to say “hi” to the people you interact with. Let them know about changes, tell them how what you do on this social media works NOW (not the original intent), let them know if your life has changed, touch base with the people who haven’t been there since the beginning and let the people who haven’t been around in a while know what is happening.
Look at “What a Reintroduction Really Is (an Why It Matters More Than You Think) by Jon Marie Pearson (direct link is: https://www.genealogyandthesocialsphere.com/post/what-a-reintroduction-really-is-and-why-it-matters-more-than-you-think ) normally what she writes about is genealogy, but this particular post is very relevant to content creators: artists, writers, actors, etc. If you are on the world-wide-web, touch base here and then touch base with the people who follow you.
WRITING EXERCISE: On each of the platforms where you are active (or semi-active or mean to be reactive again), do a reintroduction post.
READING EXERCISE: If you follow creators on various platforms, cull your list to those that are still creating what you want to follow. If they have gone off the path you want to follow, choose new people to follow.
My attempt:
Well, let’s start with the blog. I’ve been blogging since November 11, 2012. The original blog was on a wordpress site – we all start there, don’t we? I activated erinpenn.com (Erin Penn’s Second Base – because, get it, it is my second attempt at a blog and at the time I was mostly interested in romance) sometime in late 2016 or early 2017 and moved everything over that was still relevant. Wow, over 8 year on this site and over 13 years overall.
Originally a little flashes and a little ranting, the blog as grown to a three-times-a-week posting in three groups of topics:
- Original Storytelling – These are a mix of Visual flashes (inspired by a picture), Text flashes (inspired by something read or heard), expansion on previous flashes, and flat out something I am writing.
- Book Reviews and Interacting with Books (A) Book reviews twice a month, one a solo book and one a series, curated from the 120 or so books I read annually. (If you want them ALL, befriend me over on on GoodReads (https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4918831.Erin_Penn) or StoryGraph (https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/erin_penn). (B) Bookquotes inspired by books I read that I have created and put on my TikTok account (https://www.tiktok.com/@erinpennbooks). (C) And the big thing particular to me, Editing Rants. I edit books, which is heavily interactive, and there are…problems…with books in the process of becoming published.
- Learning stuff and crawling around on the web: (A) Writing Exercises, (B) Other Cool Blogs, (C) Geeking Science, (D) Cool pictures I have found on the web.
- On fifth weeks of Tuesday-Thursday I talk about the blog or art or encourage people to vote.
My social media footprint also includes the previously mentioned GoodRead and StoryGraph, plus TikTok. Also YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@erinpenn7745) which right now is reprints of the TikTok, but might eventually hold other topics. It had started out with some editing rants and I would like to return to them. On Pinterest (https://www.pinterest.com/ErinPenn1/meme-created-by-erin-penn-i-made-these/), I post memes I have created – these are both bookquotes and writing encouragement. My Facebook author page (https://www.facebook.com/ErinPennBooks/) is just posts letting people know when I drop stuff on the blog.
I’m thinking hard about adding a Substack, which will mostly be reposts from the blog. I tried Pateron but that didn’t work well for me.
Anyway, welcome. Glad you are here!
Book Review: The Dead Cat Tail Assassins
Amazon Cover
The Dead Cat Tail Assassins by P. Djeli Clark
BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON
The Dead Cat Tail Assassins are not cats.
Nor do they have tails.
But they are most assuredly dead.
Nebula and Alex Award winner P. Djèlí Clark introduces a brand-new world and a fantastical city full of gods and assassins.
An NPR “Books We Love” choice of 2024, Indie Next Pick, LibraryReads Top Ten Selection, Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance Selection, and Best-Of Book according to BookRiot, and ALA/YALSA Alex Award winner
Eveen the Eviscerator is skilled, discreet, professional, and here for your most pressing needs in the ancient city of Tal Abisi. Her guild is strong, her blades are sharp, and her rules are simple. Those sworn to the Matron of Assassins―resurrected, deadly, wiped of their memories―have only three unbreakable vows.
First, the contract must be just. That’s above Eveen’s pay grade.
Second, even the most powerful assassin may only kill the contracted. Eveen’s a professional. She’s never missed her mark.
The third and the simplest: once you accept a job, you must carry it out. And if you stray? A final death would be a mercy. When the Festival of the Clockwork King turns the city upside down, Eveen’s newest mission brings her face-to-face with a past she isn’t supposed to remember and a vow she can’t forget.
MY REVIEW
Ready for a sword and sorcery book about undead assassins? This character-driven, world-building delight is a gem of action adventure.
The Dead Cat Tail Assassins always complete their contract. They are raised by priests as undead without memory, family, or past. Eveen is one of their best. But her target does the impossible. The blue loc’ed 19 year old pulls a memory. Now in a city in the midst of a festival, they have until dawn to figure out the mystery of the memory, or the contract will bring death to both.
The festival and the city is Shimmering in details. Every character is rich with characteristics bringing them alive (even when they are undead). Five out of five for this book.
Read through the local library (ebook) system. Support your local libraries.
[Spoiler-ish Developmental editing comment: Chef’s kiss to the midpoint. A good story has a false path to success – usually dependent on the professional skills and high expertise of the main character – they are close to success and things get dashed to bits. All planning destroyed. Nothing is salvageable. They must completely change their path and go in a direction previously untenable. This novella is a masterpiece for this particular story structure.]
Flash: Magical Menace Mode Part Two – Special Meeting
ID 235386222 | Pink Wand © Chernetskaya | Dreamstime.com
Jennie shifted her bag to quickly unbuckle the shoulder strap and hop out of the car as soon as they got to Bill’s house; her dad needed to get to the Sunday evening service. “When will you need pick-up?” he asked as they pulled along the curb.
“Don’t worry about that,” she said, moving like Houdini to extract from the sedan to escape the litany of questions she already had survived—who will be there, is a parent going to be there, what are you planning on doing. “I’ll get Chris to drive me home.”
“I don’t know. It’s February and ice can be tricky, especially for new drivers.”
Stepping out of the car, shouldering her bag, she held the door open a moment to point at the driveway, “No worries, that is the Escalade in the drive, looks like they just arrived, and he has one of the chauffeurs with him.”
“Ah, I see. Robbie. Okay then. Curfew is eleven; tonight is a school night.”
“Daddddd—”
“Do you want it to be the normal nine?”
“Thanks, Dad. I love you lots.” Jennie shoved the door shut and rushed away. Catching up with Chris and his driver as Mrs. Dinniman opened the front door. “Hey Mrs. D! Is Bill upstairs?” Jennie asked as Bill’s mom stepmom stepped aside to let the three of them in and started walking to the staircase.
“Yes, he is. Meghan is already up there. Remember, the door stays open.”
Jennie bounded up the stairs, Chris saying a quick “Mrs. D” before taking them two at a time with his long legs.
The woman welcomed the other adult behind them. “Hello Robert, I was about to put on a kettle for some tea and was planning on catching some Antique Roadshow or CSI. Bill already absconded with the pie, but he left two pieces behind…”
The adult voices faded behind the teenagers as they turned down the “L” shaped hall of the second story. Bill’s bedroom door was open on the left side. Inside, Meghan had shoved piles to the side on Bill’s desk to work on her advanced chemistry class. Bill laid on his stomach on his bed working on the English Shakespeare assignment, swiping through on his tablet. When the other two of the newspaper crew arrived, Bill swung up to armgrip Chris in welcome. They pounded each other’s backs.
Bill and Jennie exchanged awkward glances before a microhug. Jennie continued to walk in to drop her bag beside the chair Meghan was in, hugged Meghan, and then dropped down beside the bag in her normal spot when they met at Bill’s place. Chris and Meghan did a finger wave at each other, before Chris and Bill belly flopped onto the bed, which groaned under their combined weight.
Both of the boys had been shooting up faster than they had been putting on muscle, but Bill was five nine, and Chris passed six foot at the start of Junior year. His father had been a power forward in the NBA, and he still stood at six nine. Chris took after him, even playing the same position in the Washington Wigwams, and though he looked completely stretched out, every last bone was covered in dense lean muscle making him a deadly power forward with the scholarship to his father’s alma mater already sewn up while he was still a Junior.
Meghan rotated the desk chair to face the room. “Alright, what is the big secret that made you drag me out on the one night I had off this week?” She stared at Chris, who was usually the leader of the group.
“Not me this time.” He held up his hands in denial. “Bill said I had to be here. I’m just glad because it gets me an extra day to see if this tooth will heal. My parents are going to kill me when they found out I had another tooth knocked loose on the paint.”
“It’s still loose?” Jennie asked. He had called her last night after he had gotten home from the away game since she was the night owl of the friend group.
“Wiggling like a wigwam.”
“Dude, you got to stop throwing elbows with people.” Bill said beside him.
“Not my fault this time. The Roosters came to Play and Play Hard with home field advantage after the trouncing we gave them last time, and Damien is a monster of a Senior. I think he had gotten held back a year at some point.” Chris touched his front tooth gingerly before smiling. “We still beat them by twenty points.”
“So if not you, then who?” Meghan refocused them.
Jennie raised her hand slowly. “That would be me…mostly…and Bill…kind-of.”
“And why couldn’t this a Discord?”
“Bill, could you…”
“Gotcha.” The seventeen-year-old grabbed one of his pillows and tossed it at the open door, closing it.
Jennie inhaled deeply before putting her backpack into her lap and unzipping the top. “Okay, first off this is yours…” she passed a red-banded wad of one hundred five dollar bills up to where Meghan sat, “and this one is yours.” Jennie tossed another wad to where Chris lay on the bed.
“Jennie…this is.” Meghan fanned the money confirming everything within was fivers. “What is this? Did you rob a bank?”
Chris handled his wad, lifting it up and down with a consideration mask on his face before setting it aside on the bed. He had a game face firmly in place.
“No. Um.” Jennie looked up at Meghan. “I don’t think so?”
Bill blurted out. “She waved her magic wand and the money appeared.”
“She what now?” “The fuck?”
Jennie pulled out the ostentatious pink plastic wand they had given her at the Christmas party from her backpack and shook it a little. “Bill did a big wish and I waved my magic wand and money appeared.” She nodded to the two wads she had just given out. “There were four piles. Since his wish was for just $500, we figured it was one for each of us. It happened Thursday in the newsroom.”
“You’re kidding,” said Chris after he and Meghan stared at them for a long moment.
“You’re not kidding.” Meghan said seconds later.
“Nope.” “No cap.” “Jinx.”
Silence followed until Bill broke it with, “So….now can we try for enough money to get me a car?”
“No.” Jennie said sharply.
“Hell, no.” said Chris. “Nerd…and nerdettes…if you even need money, let me know. I got you.”
“What is your allowance anyway?” Jennie asked. The group didn’t talk much about Chris’ situation. His dad left the NBA after his mother had a stroke to take over the family pie-making business, which was already two manufacturing bakeries delivering to supermarkets throughout the state. Under his direction, it had expanded to cover four states and was moving to open facilities in a fifth state this summer. The multi-million-dollar company never had taken the stock route to raise capital; the family still owned everything personally. But they worked and worked hard at it, and Chris’ dad insisted he attend public school and made sure the local public school had been worth attending.
“It got changed to a paycheck with I started working after turning sixteen.”
“Your dodging, Stretch.” Meghan complained.
“Forty-three thousand a year.”
“43!” “Your fucking kidding!” “Wow, that is…” The rest of the group sputtered.
“No way that is a part-time salary on the books.” Jennie’s eyes narrowed; she shook the wand at him, enjoying the sparkle and the whoosh of the tinsel tassel.
“I got a bonus for that project we did in seventh grade, encouraging one of the bakeries to go all solar. Remember, we got them to cover the roof.”
“Those big flat manufacturing roofs just beg for solar panels.” Meghan muttered.
“Right, and we got the parking lot covered too since Jennie was going hard in her green phase.” Chris rolled to sit up. “Anyway, you remember the expectation that the break-even would be about five years, if ever? They were worried about maintenance. It was three because they put in the data center in the next county over and drove up everyone’s water and electrical as a result. Even with adjusting for maintenance and repairs, I get ten percent of the savings for the bonus idea as part of my pay because of the ‘We Want Your Ideas’ program to encourage line workers. The bonus only applies to the first five years, so it wasn’t suppose to be anything, but it turned into a big deal with the data center, so I got everything bundled once I turned sixteen in March spread out over my first year’s salary.”
He leaned forward on his knees. “Guys, you were part of the presentation and the research and all of that. You helped make it happen. I was going to wait until summer, but each of you was going to get a quarter of the bonus. Only fair.”
Jennie pulled her legs against her body. “How much?” she whispered.
“Well, after taxes, me and Mr. Pierce in accounting worked it out to be a little under four thousand each.” Chris shrugged. “And it may be more. My job this summer is to implement it for every plant that is cost effective. Right now, I’m working with the planners for the North location to have it all built-in. I was hoping to see if any of you guys would be available to be my assistants come summer. I was still working things out with HR; they don’t want to finalize anything until you are all over seventeen. The laws for sixteen years old make them twitchy.”
“I’m in.” Bill stated immediately.
Laying her head on her knees, Jennie said quietly. “I could…yeah. Not doing fast food again would be nice.”
“I’m already committed to early-in.” Meghan reported. “I’ll be leaving on June 30th.”
Jennie snapped her head around. “You did not sit on telling us that.”
“I did. Because I knew you would be like this.”
Bill held up his hand. “I want it known I do not have any secrets.”
“Other than being bi?” Jennie snapped.
“Hardly a secret.”
Chris held up the bundled cash wad of $500. “I don’t need this and some of you do, why don’t you—”
“Can’t.” Jennie jumped in. “I…it has to go to you. Figure out a charity or something. It…” her eyes unfocused as she tried to figure out what she was feeling, “…if you don’t want it, it has to go to someone with a true need that you…personally…want to help. An individual.” Her eyes cleared as she looked around the room. “That seems to be part of the rules. Small, individual, needs.”
“Oooookay, witchy woman.” Chris got off the bed to put the money into his backpack. “I’ll figure out someone that meets that requirement. I usually donate to the animal shelter and to that eco-group you had hooked me up with, but I don’t think those meet the requirements.” He tucked the money away, then around to sit on the floor opposite Jennie, stretching out his long legs. “Meghan, call us to order.”
“The special meeting of news nerds is called to order at…” Meghan tapped her tablet awake, “…eight thirty-four, Chris Fletcher presiding, Meghan Gomez secretary, Jennie Williams vice president, and Bill Dinniman hosting.”
“Jennie, you called the special meeting.” Chris prompted.
“Well, newflash. I may have a magic wand.” Jennie unfurled her legs and waved the wand again.
“Are you sure?” Meghan asked.
Jennie set the wand between her and Chris. “Not at all. We only have two eye witnesses, and one of them had their eyes closed at the moment the money allegedly materialized. No one else was in the room. But circumstantial evidence points to something unusual and outside the normal laws of physics occurring. I have a personal bias toward magic, so my judgement might be compromised.”
Meghan, Jennie, and Chris looked at Bill. “I was in the room. We were talking about the weekend, I think, and I needed about five hundred dollars for a fundraiser so I could bow out of that, which would free me up to attend the Model United Nations practice. We joked about making the money appear and Jennie, the witch in question, asked me to close my eyes and wish real hard, which I did. The money was for Pierce’s Eagle Scout and after all he had done for me to get mine, I didn’t want to let him down, but Carrie Jones and Eve Rodsky both wanted extra work with MUN and I am trying to figure out which to take to prom and I had to be there too. It was tough and I wished super hard. When I opened my eyes, the money, wrapped in four groups of $500 was on the floor. I don’t believe I was the cause. I have wished numerous times for money and things, and you all know how much I want my own car, and nothing along these lines have ever happened. Evidence would indicate the story lies in a different direction.”
He smirked at everyone. “And, yes, I realize the irony of the photographer having his eyes closed during something this big, but what are you going to do?”
“Jennie,” Chris looked across at her, “Bill here has a reasonable rebuttal against him being the cause of this…”
“Disruption of reality.” Meghan provided.
“Thank you. Disruption of reality. What other things can you report since his eyes were closed.”
“Well, I had the wand in my hand. I had been enjoying listened to the tassel of tinsel whoosh.” She picked up the wand to demonstrate, with a shake. “Once Bill had his eyes closed I said ‘Abracadabra’”—Meghan made a sound, interrupting Jennie, but then said quietly “sorry, continue”—“right, and I circled it around, the floor like this and flicked it.” Jennie demonstrated the movement but nothing happened. “Then there was money.”
“Right,” Chris said. “Meghan, you had something?”
“I was watching the voice to text writing things out and saw the mention of a ‘tassel of tinsel.’” Meghan gestured to the wand. “There isn’t a tassel.”
“Sure there is.” Jennie asserted, waving the wand again, watching the shimmer on the tassel wrapped just below the wand foiled headpiece.
“No,” Chris said gentle, “there is no tassel.”
Jennie looked up at Bill and he answered, “No tassel that I can see.”
“But it is right here!”
“Eyewitness account are the most problematic.” Meghan assured Jennie.
Bill interjected. “But, if it is Magic, for real, maybe she can see something we can’t.”
Chris nodded. “Jennie, describe the wand to us in detail.”
“No, wait,” Meghan said, “let’s all draw the wand as we see it before we get influenced by what she is seeing.”
“Do you have crayons to draw this princess perversion?” Jennie waved her wand again.
“Do I got crayons?” Bill snorted before hopping off his bed and going to his art closet. “Do you want crayons, magic markers, colored pencils, or a camera?”
“No camera,” Meghan said. “We had pictures at Christmas and nothing looked wrong there, so the photo lies. Actually Bill, can you pass a photo around of Jennie with the wand?”
“Sure, let me boot up the monster. I downloaded it from my phone ages ago.” Bill moved to sit in Meghan’s lap, but she hopped out of the way and joined the other two on the floor.
While everything was coming online on his heavily graphics-oriented computer, Meghan stood back up and went to the art closet and pulled out paper for each person. Jennie asked for pencils and Chris for markers. They started drawing while Bill waited to open his computer, get the software up, and searched the files for the Christmas party with the whole high school newspaper and their advisor. “Here is Jennie with her award and gift. Wizard-in-chief.”
“Jennie, do you see a tassel?” Meghan asked.
“Yes.”
“Anyone else, does it look different on the screen than on the floor here?”
Everyone reported no difference.
“Okay, it is nine-thirty. Draw for another ten minutes.” Chris ordered before asking, “Anyone have a ten curfew tonight?”
“I got to kick everyone out at ten-thirty.” Bill said as he started to draw the picture on his screen using his graphics software.”
“I’m good until eleven if you can drive me home, Chris.” Jennie said from where she was curled up against one of Bill’s bookcases drawing.
“I got you covered.” Chris assured her. “How about you Meghan?”
“I can text Mom and say you will drop me off between ten-thirty and eleven.”
“Okay, I such at drawing, this is as good as it gets.” He laid his drawing facedown, then stood up. “I’ll let Mr. Blue know the plan and be right back.”
(words 2,813, first published 2/1/2026)
Magical Menace Mode Series
- Magical Menace Mode (1/25/2026)
- Magical Menace Mode Part 2: Special Meeting (2/1/2026)