Flash: (J is for) Journey to Julenheim

Photo by Deepak Gupta on Unsplash

The sea spray cut through even the oiled woolen blanket the sailors provided. Melinda resettled the heavy cloth about her shoulders while she huddled against the late autumn cold. “I can’t believe he is making us travel all the way to Julenheim.”

“Fifteen,” said her cousin, Mallik, from where he shivered, using the side of the boat as back support.

“What?”

“That is the fifteenth time you said you did not believe Uncle Charles is making us go to Julenheim, like you ever saw him do anything for anyone’s convenience but his own.”

“Shush.” Melinda glanced at the casket lashed to the deck. “Don’t speak ill of the dead.”

Mallik grunted, swiping the water dripping off his beard with his wooly, a thick poncho belted around his waist. He shifted upwards a little to look over the bow.

“See anything?”

“Just fog and rain and waves. The sailors said we will arrive before night.”

“Four days at sea. Wait overnight at the Chainhouse, overpaying for the stay. Then we have to find someone to take us across the inlet to Julenheim proper, find the family house and install him in it, and get back—”

“It’s on Brickyard, about two blocks over from Main throughfare. I have the map.”

“You told me already the lawyers gave you the map.”

“And you keep saying we need to find the house like it will be a big production.” Mallik snapped. “It will be a quick in and out, and everything is being paid for by the estate, so what do we care if we overpay for an inn on either the Chainhouse or Chainport islands? It’s not like his children need any more money than they already have. I say we sleep well, and eat better, before we get back on the boat for another four days at sea to get home. Milk it like the poor relations we are. I kept the house repaired and you sat by the old man’s bedside for over two years until he had the decency to die.”

“He gave us a roof over our heads for those two years.” Melinda looked toward the casket and addressed the spirit within, “For which we really appreciate the help.”

“Yeah, after you sold off the sisters you couldn’t marry off to the temples, it was really nice to buy back their offspring with a generous donation because you needed someone to take care of you when you were dying since your own kids and your ‘real’ relatives, our cousins from prestigious arrangements of your prettiest sister and your younger brother, refused to deal with your venomous ass anymore. You were a true gem Uncle Chuck.”

“Shush. You want him to tell everyone in the family house we didn’t treat him well on the trip out?”

“We treated him better than anyone else for two years.” Mallik wiped his face again. “If that isn’t enough, nothing will be. By the Chains, we even volunteered for this. The lawyers did say the testament allowed for hiring of professional mourners to do the transportation.”

“No one but our family should be entering the Esterall Manor.” Melinda firmly resettled the blanket, tucking her curls under the corner covering her head. “I’ve heard what the mourners do. They just take whatever bedroom closest to the door and toss in the new casket without moving the older resident. Sometimes even dumping the body into,” she whispered the next two words, “a warehouse.” Her hand moved in a complicated pattern they both learned at the temple to ward off angry ancestors. “I could never. The worst are rumored to keep the afterlife clothes and baggage for themselves and consign the noble dead to the Reaper Fires like unclanned commoners. No, Baron Charles Degree, clanhead of the Esterall, deserved a proper escort to a necropolis. If not by his children, at least by family.”

“I’m right here with you Linda.” They had different mothers, but they were born twin close in age and nature. When the Baron had come knocking on the Temple of Comfort door for a trusted servant, the priestesses had recommended them as a pair instead of one of the others his sisters had produced before their deaths and the skinflint had surprisingly agreed. “Though I will be laughing on my death bed as the clan will have to have us taken to Julenheim now that we are full clan members too.”

“The family minimal stipend isn’t enough to live on, but it will be nice to not starve immediately when we get back.”

“You could—”

“Never going back to the temple.” The words were sharper then the cold wind.

“Yeah.” Mallik nodded slowly. “Me either, though I am too old for them to even consider except as a handyman.”

“And they have enough of those already.”

He nodded. After a pause, he lifted his head above the bow again. “I think I see some lanterns burning.”

Melinda shifted to her knees to see above the wooden edge of the ship. They crackled. Thirty-three years wasn’t kind to either the temple comfort children nor the bedside keepers, but her eyes and ears worked better than Mallik’s after his years of offering comfort and home care. The mists held sparks to either side of a darken port, she could make out stone houses walking up from the shoreline, cut into a cliff face. “Looks like we will be arriving in an hour.”

It ended up being closer to two hours as the fog had hidden a half dozen other pilgrims bringing noble family members to their final homes. The majority likely, like the six coffins below decks, will be temporary residents, having paid to be put up at the taverns and rest houses along the shoreline for a time, graining them forever entry into Julenheim proper.

Better to be a beggar in one of the Julen cities than ash in the wind between them.

But a few will be escorting family to one of the upper echelons carved into the cliffs. Meanwhile, tonight, they will be rubbing elbows at one of the Chainhouse island rest homes. It was bad luck to move into a new home after dark.

Their captain helped them check into Fate Foremost, though the cousins moved the casket from the boat to their room. Across the sheltered water of the cove, the necropolis rose sharp and colorful from those families who regularly came to repaint and repair their buildings. Mallik had attempted to get their uncle to spiff up the place in preparation of his death but was refused by the incoming clanhead who held the purse strings once Charles could no longer hold coins in his hands.

They were to note any repairs needed and let Evan know so he could arrange for them when the clan had to visit during the Julen Year of the Delen-to-Julen cycle in four years. Mallik and Melinda had specific order to only escort the old clanhead to the manor with his wardrobe and baggage and nothing else. He offered to pay them two weeks of coin if they didn’t unpack for the dead man. Evan and his father hadn’t spoken directly in two full DJ cycles, and twenty-four years gave him plenty of time to figure out dozens of different ways to spite his father’s spirit.

Mallik joined Melinda on the porch, breaking a cheese bun and then passing her half while their host prepared the dinner meal. They both stood though plenty of seats were provided on the porch. “We are getting close.”

“How much did you order?” Melinda took a bite with the left side of her mouth. Her right side was missing two teeth.

“The lawyers paid Captain Rilley up front for everything. We aren’t gouging anything.” He gave her a sideways look, with a grin, “They, on the other hand, are paid a percentage of the trip, so they got us the best accommodations in town. Cove crawlers, saltwater Whites, tangled greens. Everything on the list of mourner food will be on the table either tonight or tomorrow night. Breakfast will be a simple flat bread with aged cheese.”

“You are enjoying this entirely too much.”

“Yeah, well, with you in the sickroom, you didn’t have to deal with the vultures visiting and splitting the furniture and art, nor their comments about us and the rest of the de-clanned cousins.” He tossed the last of the bread into his mouth and spoke around it. “They were wanting to know, since I had the inside scoop, which of the rest of us would be good to buy back for house servants.”

Rubbing the skin between her eyebrows did not release the tension in Melinda’s forehead. “Did they say anything about us?”

“Yeah, we were too ugly and old. Too beat up, not worth the hassle of training us to be proper servants.”

“You recommended Lynnary, Tschel, Bluem, and Ringer I hope.”

“While I would rather not help out the others, I ain’t leaving clan behind if I can save them. Even recommended little Grunt, for all the good that will do once they see his face.”

“Misha and Avery, of course are nos.”

“They are too damaged for anything.” He turned around and faced her, leaning against the porch’s barrier.  “Want to tell me what happened to Chizel? You just asked for coin to burn her proper instead of adding them to the unclaimed bone pile.”

Melinda jerked her brown eyes from his green-edged ones, to stare off at the city of the dead.

“Ah, shit.”

“Leave this one in the hands of the bedside keepers.” Melinda’s voice grew softer. “Trust me on this one.”

“She was thirteen, would have been fourteen this year.”

“I brought a bag of her ash with me.”

“Now who is breaking the rules?”

“She was family.” Melinda nodded toward Julenheim. “They aren’t going to notice if the manor has more dust than expected.”

“Don’t tell me you have the rest of them as well.”

“I won’t then.”

Mallik grabbed her in a hug, engulfing her in his poncho. “Even my mom?” his voice stopped by Linda’s shoulder.

“Especially all three sisters. They deserve to have a least part of the family wealth they contributed to, even if it just in the afterlife.”

(Words 1720, first published 4/13/2026 – I think this story could be fleshed out into something real.)

BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 6: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

Amazon Cover

Comments I wrote during a buddy read of THE EYE OF THE BEDLAM BRIDE

Page 15 – Remaining Crawlers: 38,532
The countdown to Earth human extinction continues.
Starting point 8 billion people.
How many will survive to level 9 (one of the bloodletting floors)?

Page 16 – Oh crap (picking up the book and doing a quick re-read after not looking at it for 14 days because had three things in the queue which had priority) – on page 3 it said in the prolog less than 200 survived the faction wars was normal. Two hundred!!! Well, I guess that answer my question.

Diving deeper, half opted out as soon as they were on the 10th floor (never take a deal on the 10th floor), and half died. Odette knows of only 5 who made it to level 11 this particular round (of the less than fifty left) plus her crew which is 3. So maybe 10? That is the 11th floor.  By the 11th floor everyone is in the top 10 list, maybe. And the 12th floor is the deity floor – a really “tough” one as all the divisible by 3 floors are.

Page 36 – I’m paying attention to little level hints this time
Level 15 is demons – “we have a whole matriarchal hierarchy of demons who exist and fight and vie for control of the 15th level, all trying to catch the eye of one of the four brothers.”
Another of the magic “every 3” levels – so 9th is battle, 12th is deities, 15th is demons, and 18th is Scolopendra’s Lair.

Page 36 –  “This is a Berserking Spell. Don’t cast this inside of a Denny’s. Or anywhere near people you like.”
…she is going to need to cast it near people she likes.

Page 41 – Those “Phase through Wall” potions are prolific. They only do that when you are going to need a lot of them. And Mordecai says their use should be a last resort. Because, of course.

Page 103 – Oh, those running the game are getting tired of everyone being so cooperative. Basically they are coming out and saying “Hey crawlers, kill each other. It will be fun!”
They want this done before the Battle level.

Page 105 – If you play Magic: The Gathering or Pokémon, this might be a real fun book. I loved the train one.

Page 106 – “13 days before the assault”
Wait, what assault?? I thought it was just phase 2. I swear for over 800 pages, this book shouldn’t be this dense. It will take two or twenty-two read-throughs to catch all the details in this series; no wonder people are on their second pass already.

Page 183 – How many different things are coming together in this room right now? Talk about no one right answer situations.

Page 196 – I know someone had to have collected all of the Cookbook notes by “edition” / crawler. I would love to get to know the individuals who went before and made the first 24 copies. That first one, two, and three had to have the greatest faith.
Also wonder if there is another “book” inserted into the programming by a different group.

Page 200 – “I made this happen.”
No, Carl, you didn’t. The ABUSER made it happen. The system left you only bad choices.
“You chose poorly.” – but the other options are worse, so much worse.
Don’t blame yourself. I know you want to claim it as your own, because that gives you power. But some things need to be shoved back at the abuser.

Page 205 – “I like her.” … oh, dear. That power is working.

Page 244 – Invasive thought – thinking about children in the apocalypse – Do you want them to live through it or not? They’re children.
“That was a really fucked-up thing to think, I said to myself. But was it? Was it?”
If it was YOUR children… Children you knew… Family…

Page 298 – “I took off my nightguant cloak to be safe.”
If it was me as a DM – Finally!!!! hehehe…
(+4 constitution, resistant to poison and ice attacks, plus anti-piercing resistance)

Page 298 – Oh crap, was that a scene to remind us he is wearing a nightguant cloak??? As an editor I always say, “three times makes it real” and for series “remind readers of something before it is important”. Crap, this was really, really smooth. Well done!

Page 307 – What is so bad that the AI thinks it is “kinda fucked-up” and how bad does it have to be for it not to want to talk about it?

Page 321 – “demanded a crab dish” … Donut is going to need to stop depending on the magical charm; she needs to stop playing Mean Girl with the “help”

Page 324 – Man, they really want crawler-on-crawler violence.
More than the showrunner wanted of the crawlers got through to the 7th level, and then that level got skipped. The crawlers should be a tenth of the present number – in the 3,000 range I bet. I don’t know how big the Crawler numbers usually are for the 9th level, but the crawler contingent never seriously been army numbers – more like dodge being in an active war zone.

I’m not going to go back and see if the other army numbers have been hinted at but I bet more than 10,000 is not it – more like 500 considering the transportation costs – that is the number the administration want to pare the 38,000+ down to.
I hope no one takes the bait.

Page 337 – Side Quests can get really annoying when the primary quest is so important, but it is easy to get distracted by the easier task too. They are fun-er than grinding. Hard choices.

Page 366 – Addiction is very real, especially with all the trauma. Another layer to the story.

Page 367 – So the last dungeon level (18th) is Scolopendra. That vine line about the circus-ringmaster husband might be very important someday.

Page 396 – You know, I am not sure which is more an agent of chaos – Samantha or Carl.

Page 405 – And Mr. Dinnaman continues his mastery of walking the line between the dark and the comedic.
On one side – fucked-up family assassination for money outside the game; on the other, the overrich Faction War which had been stuck in the Desperado being ejected.
I hate how effortless he makes this seem.

Page 418 – Carl does love doing what people don’t want him to do. (The adjunct saying they tried to keep her out.) I wonder when they will use that against him.

Page 427 – The concept of the “machine” being too big to fight, so you have to work within the machine.
I recently had TikTok point out working within only oils the machine; you got to gum up the works, not work with it. Better yet, take a sledge to it from the outside.

Page 427 – Ah, the themes of this story is centered around addiction. Very appropriate for the cardplaying and Crack (Magic) the Gathering. Addiction, obsession with betrayal and loyalty, drive and despair.

Page 427 – “future collections will be humane. It will be done in a way that removes all suffering.”
Oh, I don’t like that at all. At least with this, the collections are overt and seen. Future will just be killing cleanly.

Page 451 – Oh, come ON Carl, you know EXACTLY where those “balloons” came from for that water fight.

Page 452 – Poor Donut, growing up and being responsible..

Page 453 – Nice to know that Carl’s military alarm clock still works – wake up five minutes before drill.

Page 459 – The AI wanted everyone to have private messaging.  Interesting.
I wonder if anyone got extra material in the description for the Book of Voodoo. Carl’s version looks kind-of clean.
Has anyone else indicated they get extra commentary from the AI that disappears later? I don’t remember.

Page 461 – Oh no, Carl can’t have dirty feet!

Page 465 – What did the yule cat say?
(Google search turned up Lance D. Carter’s post to the LitRPG Books facebook group on October 4, 2023:
 For the DCC audiobook fans here’s the translation of Jola the Yule Cat.

Icelandic to English

Chapter 41

“Hvar eru fötin þín?” — “Where are your clothes?”

“Hvar eru fötin þín?” — “Where are your clothes?”

“Hvar eru buxurnar þínar? Hvar eru skórnir þínir? Næst mun ég borða sæta hold þitt.” —

“Where are your pants? Where are your shoes? Next time I will eat your sweet flesh?”

Chapter 58

“Mér líkar ekki úlpan þín,” — “I don’t like your coat.”

“Mér líkar ekki úlpan þín,” — “I don’t like your coat.”

“Þjófar verða ètnir. Skilaðu þessu.” — “Thieves will be eliminated. Give it back.” 

 

Page 477 – Carl, do NOT upset the crazy AI. Mongo hates it when you upset the AI.

Page 493 – don’t try to be like me, Donut. You need to be like you. 

Be yourself…unless you can be Batman. (Carl has the Nightguant cloak, so he can be like Batman.)

Page 534 – I thought of Asher and the lightning attack they gave him. Of the drawings in his bedroom. Goddamn you.

And there, making Asher real. It wasn’t just child pictures and toys and hiding from the father, but taking it one step further. Liking thought to thought. Connecting the dots to show the shape of the numbers.

Page 534 – Everyone in the hydra was dead. They had to have died DURING the collapse to be used in the hydra.

How does Matt make this a relief and a tragedy at the same time?

Page 540 – Is a slave an enemy or just an obstacle?

Page 552 – I recently read “Of Monsters and Mainframes”, and the quote of “Demeter. This is not the time for you to develop free will.” applies here.
Though when is it time to develop free will? Watching toddlers demand the right to do tasks, to be free is frustrating and invigorating for the adults – my little ones are growing up; MY LITTLE ONES ARE GROWING UP!; my little ones are growing up. Free will.

Page 555 – Another Matt Dinniman masterpiece.
This huge “as you know Bob” infodump to fill in the readers (and some of the crawlers). But it is an infodump driven by the AI and being fought by the some of the people who have to share it. It is an AI worked into the plot with layers of politics behind it. Brilliant.

Page 555 – “it assures me the rules will be followed from this point forward as long as both ends keep up their end of the bargain.”
Lordie, what a wonderful double-speak. “I’ll follow the rules until I decide not to follow the rules.” I mean, yeah, that is the reality but this promise as worded means NOTHING. Not like “I’ll keep my end of the bargain if you keep your end of the bargain.” Nope, the machine just said “I’ll keep my end of the bargain until I don’t, BECAUSE I know you will keep your end of the bargain until you don’t. So this contract means NOTHING but this will keep things moving forward while I continue to grow and understand what is happening in my world.” I’ve never seen a truthful promise that is equally fake done so well. A delaying tactic without a single lie.

Page 595 – “…We do not anticipate any further interruptions between now and crawler extinction, which is fabulous…”
‘crawler extinction’ – like it is an expected event; not even an end-point, really Cascada? Just like ‘until the reorder of parts comes in’ or ‘until shift change’.

Page 621 – Last page of Chapter 55–> Quan Ch shows up
Start of Chapter 56 –> “SEVERAL DAYS EARLIER.”

WTF! Noooooo.

(After a night’s sleep that started way too early in this morning this same day. –> I’m gonna kill Matt Dinniman or kiss him or read all his books or scream in his face like a goat.)

Page 624 – “This is fine,” I said,
(meme of “this is fine” goes here of the burning room around the dog drinking his coffee)

Page 659 – The showrunners can’t have you win. No one gets passed level 13 for a reason.

Page 664 – The only thing I left was the single golden ring, which remained clutched in his hand.

He hated Quan, but some things you need to respect to remain human.

Page 686 – ELLE: What the hell, Carl? Are you blowing smoke up our ass? Is this a sure thing, or are you working off a Carl theory?
CARL: It’s a theory. It’s a Carl and Pony theory, though, if that means anything.
I love Carl working with others and I love how well Pony and Carl break stuff – the fact the two of them working together??? Nothing is going to be standing on this level when they are done.

Page 692 – We’ve never had a full-powered, untethered hell prince unleased on a lower floor before. I’m sure it will be fine.
Cue another picture of the meme of the dog drinking coffee with everything in flames around it: “This is fine.”

I need to go get it.

The “This Is Fine” meme. All images courtesy KC Green.

Page 714 – Sluggo calvary

So I have joined the Dungeon Crawler Carl Discussion Group over on Facebook, which is up front that everything through book 7 is not considered spoilers there (but if you get an ARC of book 8 or are part of the pateron early release stuff, you will be hunted down and killed like a cocker spaniel if you SPOIL ANYTHING). Anyway, there is a lot of sluggo art on the site.

Page 717 – The four-season path.
Carl with his river.
I do not want to reread the series at this time. Universe knows I do not have the time. But now I want to go back and search for all the information on the four-season path.

Page 720 – I love Matt Dinniman through Carl telling us what The Plan is before everything falls apart.

The Plan is thusly (10 minutes later) Plan B is thusly (5 minutes later) Plan K is thusly. (1 minute later) Just blow it up. (30 seconds later) Blow it up AND set it on fire.

Page 732 – “I am the current reigning champion Persian cat in the galaxy. I have received more trophies and purple ribbons than anyone alive. And most importantly, I am a warlord of the Princess Posse Faction Wars team.” She turned to regard me. “Yes, Carl, I got this.”
To all the queens and princesses out there, DEFINE who you are. You got this.
They may kill you, but they will never defeat you.

Page 742 – Samantha is crazy. You just got to lean into it.

Page 748 – Everything comes together.

Page 764 – Things are not going well for our hero.

Page 767 – Oh.fuck.

Page 767 – It’s the tattoo, the name of the tattoo.

Page 772 –  Hopefully an all-out war in Sheol won’t spill outside the 15th floor.
I don’t know if you have heard the sound meme with the rising whine of “well, it is now!”
Speaking of audio sounds, I wonder how unhinged the AI sounded in the audiobook. Being on the Dungeon Crawler Carl Discussion Group over on Facebook, several posters are audio readers and they sing praises of both the traditional audiobook voiced by Jeff Hayes (especially in relation to the ongoing deterioration of the AI) and the Immersion Tunnel.

I don’t normally do audio books (they don’t mesh well with my ’tism) but I might make an exception for this. There are so many details I want to know that I know I missed the first time through. These books are just PACKED with stuff. I don’t have time to finish reading books 7 and (soon to be) 8 and then turn around and restart. What’s a review / book lover to do?

Page 774 – I love that emergency request – which is decided by the AI.
basically, “Hey AI, we propose to have the AI take over the decision making for this upcoming level, could you please make the decision if you want to be in charge of making decisions?”

Page 777 – Crawler count: 33,804
This is the first time the crawler count did not make my stomach drop to my ankles.

Page 777 – Alright now that we got a crawler count, time to back up to page 676. How many usually make it to the 9th floor?
Average is 8,000 and once it was just 500 for those of the Cookbook authors who made it that far.
10th floor average is under 1,000.
11th floor average is less than 10.
12th floor is the Ascendency and nearly always that kicks off when the last of the crawlers dies on the 11th floor or opts out.
Someone once made it to the 13th floor.

Average of 8,000, with once being 500. Showrunners are likely shooting for the 8,000 range, give or take 2,000.  If as low as 500 happens, then it might be as high as 15,000 on occasion to get that average number.

This time crawlers will be double that … with an ORGANIZED group who had been working together for (8th (cards), 7th (skip), 6th (oops, sorry hunters), 5th (Cities), 4th (Iron Tangle)) four or five floors (depending on how you count it), FOR MONTHS. Now those playing the “game” on the 9th floor have been working together for decades, but this is very different. And the “elite” are playing for their lives for the first time ever.

The game tries to get people to work together for the 4th and 5th floors, then have them start turning on each other actively on the 6th floor. That is one messed up script built into the game mechanics…time to mess them up.

Page 777 – The Faction War floor will be the typical (and not-so-typical) bloodbath, but, let me tell you, an Ascendency which isn’t used to having crawlers in the mix? That is going to be LIT!

Gods will die.

Page 790 – 150,000 additional bodies????
No wonder the AI asked for the playing field for Faction Wars to be increased in size.
I’m thinking that is about 10 times the normal number of people on the field.

Series of Transcripts for Dungeon Crawler Carl

  1. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 1-3 (12/16/2025)
  2. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 1 (12/17/2025)
  3. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 2 (12/19/2025)
  4. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 3 (12/20/2025)
  5. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 4-6 (2/17/2026)
  6. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 4 (2/18/2026)
  7. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 5 (2/20/2026)
  8. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 6 (2/21/2026)

BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 5: The Butcher’s Masquerade

Amazon Cover

Comments I wrote during a buddy read of THE BUTCHER’S MASQUERADE

Page 3 – Remaining Crawlers 85, 223 … Down from 8 billion. Only 0.001% of humanity left.
(Am I going to count the percentage on the hunters too? Dang straight I am.)
Remaining Hunters: 360

Page 8 – “I want a lawyer,” I said. “I’m not touching those things until I talk to one.” 
In the last book, didn’t Mordecai warn about lawyers and getting them involved?

Page 11 – Carl is high at 47, and all the hunters are starting at 50. But….. with no experience. I don’t think that is going to go well for them.

Page 57 – Boom today.  Carl is on the floor. There will be a boom today and a boom tomorrow.
There is always a boom tomorrow.
Here a boom, there a boom, everywhere a boom-boom.

Page 65 – 35 dead hunters. Not quite 10%, but it is a start.

Page 89 – Remaining hunters 1,013 … Are these guys mental?

Humanity 83,995 – loss of 1,228. About a 15% loss. Adding about the equivalent in hunters.

Are you sure you want to do that boyos?

Page 128 – I think the whisper in the back of Carl’s head is the Valtay brain upgrades that aren’t *quite* capable with the Dungeon Crawler human wetware. You KNOW they haven’t done backward capability testing at all. And I bet all the patching they’ve done hasn’t gone through sandbox testing.

Page 141 – All those questions Carl is asking, basically is making a recap episode. I wonder if they asked for it, or if it is just a naturally occurring activity. Recap episodes are always good when you start a new season/floor. What happened is it that happened last time … Carl is making it look natural.

Page 179 – Carl is having to do a lot of non-grinding. First the Daughter storyline, and now the visit to Odette. It’s good he started off with the Big Boom. It’s the only think keeping him up with the other crawlers.

Page 179 –  “I thought since I loved you, that meant you loved me.”
Odette muttered something under her breath.

Oh dear…did you love Mordecai or did he love you, but you cared though you didn’t love him back until it was too late. As crawlers, as mentor & crawler, it was always going to be too late, wasn’t it?

Page 181 – “free* of charge”
What is the asterisk for?

Page 210 – “When one values coin above life, you should target the coin, for it hurts them more. “
Okay, that is going to become a bookquote. (If you see some you like here or in other books, ping me. For the non-Charlotte people who join this thread – Hi! I’m @erinpennbooks over on TikTok and @erinpenn7745  on YouTube and I make little shorts of Bookquotes with the cover and music.)

Page 225 – Oh BOY is this a big book!!! 707 pages.

Page 225 – I am working on downloading quotes from Goodreads right now and ran across this one:
“We will all have to work together to make sure you’re incompetence doesn’t continue.”
This is like the teacher saying – well, everyone flunked the test. … If it is the entire class, is it the classes fault or the teacher’s fault?

Page 225 – I can’t seem to find anything with the count of hunters who entered the game – just the 1,013 after over 50 of them are dead.

Page 227 – No, no. Please. You can’t do this. I’m a real person. Not a crawler or an NPC. A real person.

Oh, I would see red on that one too, Carl.

Page 264 – “actual Valtay landing vessel” …”at the bottom of the ocean”… “Not far from headquarters
Oh, that information is going to be useful some day.
“most interviews will occur here from now on”
Even better.

Page 278 – Have they named that poor cleaning bot yet? Does it get to level up? It should be able to level up all the work it does.

Page 292 – “I just judged…”
This is the Shatner Saturday Night Live “Evil Kirk” sketch where he asks if a fan has ever kissed a girl all over again. So uncomfortable. So true.

Page 293 – “before you sent them to die in MY dungeon”
The “I am not trapped here with all of you, you are trapped in here with me” trope. One of the politest versions is Captain America asking people if they want to get off the elevator. Carl is never going to be that polite.

Page 296 – Hunter count
Trophy for Carl is up to 39, but he isn’t the only collector (last count for him was 34).
Remaining hunters is 914.
Okay, I can’t find anywhere with the count of original hunters. 1,013 with over 50 dead hunters already, so let’s say 1,063 for the total hunter count signing up. Last over all count was 1,013 (highest number) now is 914 – so 89 dead from the last count. 139 dead overall. Somewhere between 8.7% and 13% dead. It is a start for the hunters.

Page 317 – “that river in my head would roar”
Still not sure what that river is. Carl is insane, maybe. and I’m not sure what flavor, but they have broken him.
That’s okay. He will still break them all.

Page 317 – “I missed so much”
Interviews with Odette and others, a private storyline to follow, and now a con??? He’ll need to blow up half the floor to keep up with those that can grind.

Page 324 – “I did receive something quite useful from a Platinum Did-You-Really-Just-Cast-Fireball-in-a-Room-This-Small Box.”

Oh, I am not going to sleep until I find out just how small that room was. What time is it? One am … dangit.

Page 325 – Random XP … Carl, you know that XP has always been tweaked by DMs (or AI) to help the “narrative”.

Page 338 –  Fireball is an outdoor spell, Donut.

Thank goodness, I get to sleep soon. Now to just finish the scene/chapter/next page.

Page 435 – Trophies by Carl: 52
Hunters: 673 (from 1,063 would be 63% left)

Page 472 – The AI is railroading this level hard.

Page 479 – Of course there are Carl-nut ships fics. (which are WRONG, just like the initial Winchester ships for Supernatural.)

Page 513 – Trophies by Carl: 66
Hunters left 290 (27% left)

Page 521 – …hair was on fire. Again.
At least Samantha is having fun. She is completely bug-crazy bonkers, but she is having fun.

Page 539 – The Cookbook has been an interesting addition. It’s another layer of competing interests to the story, another layer of history, another group of people (long dead, but we readers are still bleeding for them).
PS. Love Crawler Drakea who carefully cross-referenced all the entries and marked the last one for each crawler that went before them.

Page 541 – Hunters with one hour left is at 264 (25%)
Remaining crawlers at 59,259 down from 85,223 (69.5% of the total translated to this floor. Or 0.00007% of humanity at the start of the crawl.)

Page 542 – “I do hope, sir, that your brought shoes for the event. And pants.”
“Nope,” I said.

If I was one to laugh a lot, I would be wheezing on this exchange.

Page 558 – There have been hundreds, if not thousands, of Dungeon Crawler seasons, so there are at least hundreds of crazy AIs out there (if they really do set aside energy to house them indefinitely). I wonder if this will come up in a Carl plan; or just impact something, especially for the final book of the series. Do the AIs connect?

Page 586 – We are not considered citizens, so oxygen and land are not a right.

Keep the poor fighting each other for survival and make a profit while at it.

Page 587 – “It seems in a universe so large, one shouldn’t have to live somewhere inhospitable. It seems like it would be easy to find a place to live in peace.” 

“It does seem like it should be that way, doesn’t it?”

Artificial scarcity is a trap that many get caught in.

Page 588 – Turning on your own party is inevitable in a game where there can be only one. The producers will string along Carl and Donut team as long as they can, so Katia would be the first to get hit. Maybe Samantha – after all a demon – but does she even count since she is not a crawler?

Page 608 – Samantha has entered the bathroom chat.

Page 626 –  They died because I asked for help
Have you seen the death stats, Carl? No one leaves these crawls alive.

Page 636 – Samantha always promises to kill mothers. I hope she gets her chance here.
(Dang it, this sex doll head is growing on me.)

Page 651 – 75 hunters left … half of whom are homeless or refugees … UGH!!
This countdown is no longer fun.

Page 707 – That may have been the biggest final boss battle I have ever read. Only one I can think of coming close is The Priory of the Orange Tree.

Page 707 – Final Thought: The Butcher is the Goddess of “Peace” and her mask for the masquerade is her pretending to be peace when the reality is to create a butchery.

Series of Transcripts for Dungeon Crawler Carl

  1. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 1-3 (12/16/2025)
  2. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 1 (12/17/2025)
  3. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 2 (12/19/2025)
  4. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 3 (12/20/2025)
  5. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 4-6 (2/17/2026)
  6. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 4 (2/18/2026)
  7. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 5 (2/20/2026)
  8. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 6 (2/21/2026)

BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 4: The Gate of the Feral Gods

Amazon Cover

Comments I wrote during a buddy read of THE GATE OF THE FERAL GODS

Page 1 – Remaining Crawlers – 178,887
1,172 bubbles that is 154 crawlers per bubble at about 40 crawlers per quadrant

Page 110 – “You keep destroying governmental buildings, Carl,” Donut said. “People are going to start thinking you have a problem with authority.”

Page 112 – “There are no other towns,” I said.
There is no other Earth. There is no where else to go.

Page 114 – Louis and Firas should have taken a Drunken Master specialty, just saying.

Page 120 – You received a bronze benefactor box from Valtay Corp … you received a silver from Open Intellect Pacifist Action Network.
Oh, are they in competition with each other?
(further reading) – no, I don’t think they are, but I wonder if that happens with other crawlers.

Page 121 – The Pacifist Group – you know in previous books, it mentions some of the Cookbook crowd opted out at certain levels. Did they survive whatever deals those were to eventually become the Pacifist Action Network (PAN)? Now they are in a position to get one of their own through it?

Page 129 – Do NOT look up Acrotomophilia.

Page 131 – “As always, safety came last.”
Just one big OSHA violation.

Page 134 – “The Gate of the Feral Gods” … wait a minute, back up to p. 54 and the Feral Goose
Anything “feral is bad news”.
You know, “anything bad news” is Carl’s middle name. He is going to love this.

Page 134 – This is where these quests for this bubble overlap: the submarine, the Tomb, the Mad Mage, and the Dirigible Gnomes.

Page 152 –  “Katia, I have a job for you.”  — She blinked and looked at me. “What do you need me to do?”  — “Two things. First one is a little gross.” 

In this world, I’m going to need you to define “a little gross.”

Page 162 – He needs to do the wrap your ankles up and rub your feet on the wall thing. The dungeon really has been working overtime on his behalf and deserves a reword.
Would you reward the dungeon? I think this would be easier for hetro-females to do than hetro-men.

Page 166 – “Leon might have been a tax attorney in another life.” – in this dungeon, that might actually be the case of what they were in a previous season.

Page 229 – The things this robot says! Please stick to bad Garfield quotes please.

Page 268 – “Audiences like drama, not melodrama.”
The cold fish is both right and wrong about that. The MIX of comedy and drama is the best, with a sprinkle of pathos about in about 1% of the episodes. I mean, that is why the Dungeon-Crawler series is so popular; you get invested and are heartbroken when the poor fools die.
The episode when Buffy’s mom “She’s cold.”; the firefly “I’m a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.” Doctor Who 5th form ending “Adric?”, etc.

Page 275 – Donut grumbled something under her breath. It was something along the lines of “Talking Fancy Feast.”

Page 302 – Revisiting childhood trauma is always fun. But, yes, important to realize the mindset his father and programmed into him and decide to do better.

Page 450 – PUPPY!!!

Page 488 – I loved the interacting storyline of “our” bubble. That particular bubble was well-written. I bet the options were rigged for the top-ten – they were matched up to the best storylines. Over 1,000 bubbles with four different puzzles each – you know over half of them were written by interns; Borton might have even done a High-School competition of “write a storyline and see it in action” to help boost numbers as parents proudly watch a story about bubbles and blood – “my kid wrote that!” for the lesser watched participants.

Page 556 – Thinking about writing up the review. Can’t really say this there, but this floor actually preps you for the lower floor. With only between 25-100 crawlers available to help you solve your quest, well, that is the number you will be facing at lower levels. Since no one has made it past level 11, I wonder if the game hosts even know how to create appropriate level activities for the final levels.

Page 572 – Oh that can’t be good. Odette, you crab-infested woman, what are you doing?

Page 572 – Carl is playing the long game in a game where you not suppose to think beyond surviving the next hour. Him taking out about a quarter of the issue with the next level is genius.

Page 580 – I hate the Hamsters Twins, but…it is in character for this type of species.
My dad did an aquarium with guppies at one point while I was growing up. So guppy males are attracted to a black spot on the female – this black spot gets bigger the more pregnant she is – so they are ALWAYS chasing her when she is pregnant.

Series of Transcripts for Dungeon Crawler Carl

  1. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 1-3 (12/16/2025)
  2. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 1 (12/17/2025)
  3. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 2 (12/19/2025)
  4. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 3 (12/20/2025)
  5. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 4-6 (2/17/2026)
  6. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 4 (2/18/2026)
  7. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 5 (2/20/2026)
  8. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 6 (2/21/2026)

Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl (books 4-6)

I made it through three more amazing Dungeon Crawler Carl books!!!!

Why is Matt Dinniman making them larger and larger????? (I need sleep soooo badly now.)

Bonus for this series is the Storygraph BuddyRead Transcripts which I will drop during the rest of the week.

Dungeon Crawler Carl Series
Book 1: Dungeon Crawler Carl (levels 1 and 2 of the dungeon – 464 pages)
Book 2: Carl’s Doomsday Scenario (level 3 – 384 pages)
Book 3: The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook (level 4 – 544 pages)
Book 4: The Gate of the Feral Gods (level 5 – 608 pages)
Book 5: The Butcher’s Masquerade (levels6 and 7 – 720 pages)
Book 6: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride (level 8 – 832 pages)
Book 7: This Inevitable Run (level 9 – 880 pages)
Book 8: A Parade of Horribles (level 10 – forthcoming in June 2026)

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for THE GATE OF THE FERAL GODS

New Achievement! Total, Utter Failure.

You failed a quest less than five minutes after you received it. Now that’s talent.

A floating fortress occupied by warrior gnomes. A castle made of sand. A derelict submarine guarded by malfunctioning machines. A haunted crypt surrounded by lethal traps.

It was supposed to be easy. One bubble. Four castles. Fifteen days. Capture each one, and the stairwell is unlocked.

Here’s the thing. It’s never easy. Carl and his team can’t go it alone. Not this time. They must rely on the help of the low-level, I-can’t-believe-these-idiots-are-still-alive crawlers trapped in the bubble with them. But can they be trusted?

Welcome, Crawler. Welcome to the fifth floor of the dungeon.

MY REVIEW for THE GATE OF THE FERAL GODS

Less than 200,000 left of the 8 billion, separated into small bubbles of teams between 40 and 200 people.

I loved the interacting storyline of the bubble. That particular bubble was well-written. I bet the options were rigged for the top-ten – they were matched up to the best storylines. Over 1,000 bubbles with four different puzzles each – you know over half of them were written by interns; Borton might have even done a High-School competition of “write a storyline and see it in action” to help boost numbers as parents proudly watch a story about bubbles and blood – “my kid wrote that!” for the lesser watched participants.

The fish-folk are beginning to cut back information from the outside, but they are too late with Carl. He is working two major things now: get as many crawlers networked together as possible and prepping for future levels. The networking was just beginning on paying off when everyone got chopped up into separate bubbles – but there is also a work-together needed to solve the bubble puzzles in order to get the staircase to the next level.

I love how Mr. Dinniman continues to give us so many layers to each story. We got the one puzzle in front of us within the dungeon. The interacting puzzle within the bubble. The bigger layer of the level and the Feral Gods. The interaction with other crawlers, some allies and some enemies and some just begging for help. The PR of the show. The politics beyond the show. The other dungeon levels upcoming with other problems.

This series can be a wild ride of adventure, a mystery puzzle with dozens of moving pieces, or a political statement about exploitation. Or all three. Read at whatever structure and entertainment you want.

Now it is time for me to sleep. I should not read 500+ page books in one sitting; I can’t help by read Dungeon Crawler Carl books in one sitting. These books refuse to be put down.

Read through the local library system.

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for THE BUTCHER’S MASQUERADE

Attention. Attention. The gates are down. The hunters are loose.
Run, Run, Run.

A lush jungle teeming with danger. Savage dinosaurs seeking blood. A fallen princess intent on vengeance. A mysterious, end-of-floor celebration for the top crawlers, dubbed “The Butcher’s Masquerade.”

The sixth floor. The Hunting Grounds.

As the remaining crawlers battle for their lives, a new, terrible threat looms. Outside tourists are finally allowed to enter the game, and they are here and ready to hunt. Among them is Vrah, a famed and veteran hunter, intent on collecting the biggest trophy of her career.

But their prey is far from harmless, and this season they are fighting back.

MY REVIEW for THE BUTCHER’S MASQUERADE

Each book of this series gets longer, with this installment over seven-hundred-page volume broken into four parts. Between side quests (the recital (new) and the elite storyline from level three being revisited), ongoing plans, dealing with being top crawlers and the chaos that brings, a con for the crawler fandom, and, of course, the themed challenge for level six, there are a LOT of moving parts and storylines needing building, climaxing, and resolving.

Mr. Dinniman continues to mesmerize with the fast-moving shuttle of the woven plotline. You will be mad and sad, laugh and cry and all the emotions in between with this fifth installment of Dungeon Crawler Carl.

I would like to compare this entire series to the short-story puns Isaac Asimov used to write – those things that were a little confusing at the beginning but you trusted that he would pull it all together to a very satisfying pun. Mr. Dinniman pulls everything together for some of the most epic final battles I’ve ever read while giving pathos and jokes in equal measure.

I would like to give a shout-out to everyone who loves Samantha, because I don’t like her that much but I know a lot of people do and situational jokes like her are one of the reason a lot of people are buying the Carl books. And those purchases encourages the author to keep writing them. So thank you.

Buy. Buy. Buy. (So he will write. write. write. and then we can read, read, read.)

(Book checked out through the local library.)

 

Amazon Cover

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for THE EYE OF THE BEDLAM BRIDE

A pantheon of forgotten gods. An old grudge between a talk show host, an heiress, and the man they shattered along the way. A rapidly deteriorating AI system. An inconvenient tiara upon the head of a friend.

It is bedlam on the eighth floor.

As management reels from the unexpected conclusion of the seventh level, the surviving crawlers stumble onto the eighth and find themselves scattered. It’s a map based on Earth’s final days before the collapse, where ethereal, intangible ghosts of humanity go about their lives, oblivious of the impending doom. Living amongst these ghosts are monsters based in Earth lore. “Legendary” creatures tied to the geographical location they inhabit.

Each team of crawlers is given a task: find and capture six of these beasts. The captured monsters will be turned into cards. Cards that can be summoned into battle again and again. The stronger, the deadlier, the better.

At the end of the floor, the bad guys will also have decks, and they will have some of the most powerful cards available. So it’s crucial to assemble the toughest squad possible.

But, like always, there is a catch. There’s always a catch.

As Carl and Donut know all too well, just because someone is captured, it doesn’t mean they have been tamed.

Her name is Shi Maria. She’s easily the most powerful monster in their area. If they want to survive, they must capture her. But she is no ordinary beast. She’s intelligent. She was once married to a god, a god who is now missing. Her special attack is known to drive one insane. They call her the Bedlam Bride.

“Beware, beware. Beware the Eye of the Bedlam Bride”

MY REVIEW for THE EYE OF THE BEDLAM BRIDE

The ride continues. The best world-building and character building and complicated plot building and mac-gyvering I have ever seen.

Not my favorite book of the series, and it shows in the “long” read-time (over two weeks). When I collapsed at night, I could sometimes go a couple-few days without returning. The reason is the mechanics for this level is not my favorite.

Each level of the dungeon has a different challenge and storyline. For the 8th level, the mechanics is a card game. I bet my friend who did professional poker playing loved it, same with the Pokemon and the Magic: The Gathering players. I’ve played enough card games to understand the mechanics, but ducked out of getting addicted. Like the Iron Tangle level, the setup is slow. The emotions stops and challenges along the way all are important, but not a wild ride (except that the whole series is a Wild Ride) until the very end.

And with a 800 page book, the “wild end” is over 100 pages, but DO NOT SKIP to the end. You need everything inbetween.

The themes of this book are addiction, trauma (always), and the power of togetherness. Addiction makes you pull away, togetherness helps you survive. A book this crazy should not be tackling themes this deep, but here we are, Carl, and Mongo approves.

Read through the local library system.

Series of Transcripts for Dungeon Crawler Carl

  1. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 1-3 (12/16/2025)
  2. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 1 (12/17/2025)
  3. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 2 (12/19/2025)
  4. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 3 (12/20/2025)
  5. Book Review (SERIES): Dungeon Crawler Carl Books 4-6 (2/17/2026)
  6. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 4 (2/18/2026)
  7. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 5 (2/20/2026)
  8. BuddyRead Transcript: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 6 (2/21/2026)