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Ping-Pong Dialog (cut and paste from an editing cover letter)
In many places of dialog, a “ping-pong” is happening where one person speaks then another, and each time the person’s name appears at the beginning with no variation of sentence structure. Often the concentration on the two speakers creates a “white box” effect, where nothing else is known about the room or body language or the speakers.
Pretend example
Ping snorted. “I really wish the ball would stay on your side of the table.”
Pong raised an eyebrow. “In your dreams.”
Ping slapped the ball back across the table. “I’m better than you, admit it,” he said.
Pong sighed and tapped a return. “Why would I do that?” she asked.
Ping dived but missed the return. “Because I’m right.” Shaking his head, he went to pick up the ball.
Better would be
Ping snorted, before saying. “I really wish the ball would stay on your side of the table.”
Pong raised an eyebrow, a smug smile crossing her visage. “In your dreams.”
“I’m better than you, admit it.” Ping slapped the ball back across the table.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because, I’m,” Pong’s gentle return had a backspin, making Ping dive too late. “…right.” He sighed, ending his failed trash-talk while watching the ball roll into the corner. Shaking his head, he went to pick up the ball.
More Editing Rant
If we can’t tell who is saying every line without the author telling us, something is wrong. We don’t need to know Ping then Pong spoke. Second, more variation of dialog is needed. Quoted speaking part can lead, or follow, or be split by the narrative. Having it all be Narrative then Speaking part is boring. Boring is death.
Don’t be boring. Or predictable. Or Ping-Pong.