Category: Editing Rant

Editing Rant: Time Order within a Sentence

Erin Penn Leave a comment

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Have I written about this before? It is hard to tell as I have to write about it ALL THE TIME when editing, the most recent edit proving the rule.

DO NOT BACKUP.

Within a sentence, keep time moving forward.

What do I mean?

“He stops, when I call his name, breathing hard.” is out of time order. The sentence should be “When I call his name, he stops, breathing hard.”

Don’t do: “He jumped across the room after opening the door.”

Do do: “After opening the door, he jumped across the room.”

Do you make your reader start moving forward, creating the visual action in the movie theatre of their mind then go, “you know what, I forgot this one detail, let’s add it now.” This causes discordance within the reader and they get thrown out of the story for a microsecond to work things out before reentering the story. Do this too many times and the reader is going to put down the story because of temporal exhaustion without even knowing why the story seemed off to them.

When you are editing, and you feel something is off in a sentence or paragraph, especially in a high action or stakes scene, see if everything is neatly in a time line.

NOTE: This is different from confusion in a fight.

“I jumped on the the guy trying to backstab my babe, and we tumbled over the wall. After two gut punches from him, and me returning the favor into the brick wall, I turned to discover my little shrinking violet had taken out the two who were on her while I was busy.”

In this case, the character DISCOVERS the information out of order, but within the character’s UNDERSTANDING (and sharing with the reader as the POV), everything falls into a time order.

“I hit the floor. Immediately after discovering the hardness of the chilled marble, the rabbit punch from behind hit my pain centers.”

Again, the character DISCOVERS the information and processes it out of the order of occurrence, but the POV understanding of the issue is still in a clear time order for the read.

Sharing information out of order, but within the order of the character’s understanding is a great way to raise suspense and pass on the confused feeling to the reader in a fight situation. But it isn’t REVERSING already defined activity.

Not a “I got shot twice after I punched the leader” situation.

Another sentence construction writing tool is saving the most important part of the sentence to the end. This is still not done by breaking time order.

Stuff like:

“The girl who gave me my first kiss, Jennifer, stood in the sunbeam across the way and her being there stopped me midstep. “

Even though the information is in time order, the order isn’t important to the action or understanding of the sentence. In this case, the information being imparted should aim to have the best piece be the last piece.

“I stopped mid-step. Jennifer stood in the sunbeam across the way; she was the girl who gave me my first kiss.”

This reverse order of information and time is actually similar to the fight. This is the order the POV is processing, understanding, the information – the lizard brain says stop, the observant brain says the visual is Jennifer in the sun, the emotional memory pulls up “It’s HER!”

The story keeps moving forward. There isn’t anything the reader needs to stop and process for time order. In this case the information released at the end answers the question, the suspense which kept the reader reading.

I hope this helps explains (1) DO NOT BACKUP the time order of action Rule of Thumb, while also pointing out two places where writers THINK the Rule of Thumb is broken, but it isn’t because time is still moving forward within the point of view. The “POV camera” didn’t freeze and have to rerun the scene.

“I served the main course, set the table, and cleaned up afterwards.”

hurts to read as an editor. DO BETTER!!!

WRITING EXERCISE: Create two sentences with the time order action broken, then correct it. Share them below in the comments.

Editing Rant: Working on Inspiration

Erin Penn Leave a comment

Image from the Interwebs

During Novel November, a participant asked the following question: Hi guys. I don’t know if other people have this, but whenever I start writing a story, after I get a few chapters started, I lose interest in it and move on to something else. It’s like the spark in that book wuffed out and now I’m looking for another thing to write about. And it’s really frustrating ’cause I have like 10 unfinished books in docs and the spark in them is gone. Any advice or comments on why this is happening and how to stop it?

The first person to respond, replied with this: Gosh, I know this feeling. I’ve never been good at writing long form stories, because I always just have small scenes I wanna write and then nothing that interests me beyond that. I think it works differently for everyone, so this might not be of much help to you, but the way I’ve found to work with it is a combination of having some short stories that don’t take much to finish so I can get the dopamine hit and feeling of accomplishment from that, and accepting having multiple stories in WIP at once. I have lots of files and even more miscellaneous plot bunnies around that I jump between as I get the motivation, slowly hacking away at them. Sticking to planning and writing scenes as they interest me helps a lot too! I’ll slowly write an outline for a longer story, and then fill out the scenes as I have the motivation as I keep outlining. Eventually, I’ll have filled the skeleton with organs of words. This might not fit your writing style, but I’d say to give it a shot! It’s nice to accept having multiple things going. There’s no rush, writing is for having fun<3 

***

Basically what is happening is the original poster (OP) and the responder are both inspirational writers. They work only when the muse is dancing. The problem is muses like the fun things. The inspirational muses have energy for occasional activity. They are not a day job and not a hundred thousand words of structured story with three draft passes before editing begins. they are not social media work, and figuring out chronological errors. That requires a very different type of muse – one most writers call food-on-my-table and roof-over-my-head.

If you been around my blog long enough, you know the mantra – butt in chair, hands on keyboard (BICHOK). (Previous postings: B is for BIC (4/2/2020) and Writing Exercise: Let’s Do This (Part One) (1/22/2019). Please note that I am sharing these posts from the discussion as they are a generic question-and-answer TONS of writers want to know.

 

I responded to the OP as follows and am sharing it here as this is a problem which faces many writers. Good luck in transitioning from inspirational writer to a full-story author. I do want to add, being an inspirational writer is FINE; have FUN writing. Lots of people do hobbies for pure enjoyment. But if you are frustrated, wanting to change the pile of easy-to-write scenes into a full story, maybe this can help you unlock a means to complete a manuscript. (Not everything works for everyone. Your mileage may vary.)

The <responder> is right. One of the work-arounds to an Inspirational Writer is do a quick (very non-detailed) outline with the scenes you know you want.

1) Write the outline scenes in any order.

2) Figure out the scenes needed to connect them into a story and write those.

3) Now write the last scene/chapter of the book and the very first scene.

4) Update your outline with the scenes you got.

5) Pick out a framework to work your story with and see where what you got falls in it for beats.

6) If you are missing beats, write them.

7) Look over everything again, updating your outline again. Maybe at this time write the one-page summary for selling to publishers and to agents, write the back blurb, and create a three-sentence (or less) elevator pitch.  (You will be updating these later, but they can help direct things to knowing what the actual focus of the story is.)

8) Anything else that interests you that needs saying? Write that.

9) Your first draft is done now because if it doesn’t interest you, it doesn’t need saying.

10) Second draft – go through and put in the Chekov’s guns that appear in the end of the story on the shelves at the beginning of the story. Add character depth and any scene transitions to connect the scenes. Work on dialog and add narrative description to the scenes (no white boxes).

11) Now wait a month but no more than three (maybe write or work on another book between).

12) Third draft – Do not do this until that wait a month is complete because you must have time to forget things. Read through what you got beginning to end (note that this may be the first time you are actually reading the book in order). Anything strikes you as missing – fix that. Update the outline to make sure you got a coherent story. Add any missing scenes you discover with this final update. (By the Way, at this point the outline goes into the Book Bible.)

Now it’s time to show this to your alpha readers as a completed manuscript. Trade beta reading with someone you trust. And continue forward with selling/editing/publishing. (Do not publish until edited/beta read!)

Yeah, it is not the traditional front-to-back writing everyone is told. It is a complete Frankenstein’s monster stitched together, but if you are an inspirational reader, this has worked for other writers.

Also note that writers all at some point or other HATE what they have written. One writer I follow, David B. Coe, says one time he stomped off and told his wife he hated what he was writing and it was complete garbage. She said “oh, you reached the 2/3 point already?” Come to discover (something his spouse already knew), he hated his stories at the 2/3 point where all the setup is done and everything is at loose ends and needed to be rethreaded to create the ending. This man has several long-term series and it is the same for every single book. Only way to get through for him (and it is his full-time job) is spend a week writing stuff that didn’t inspire him to get all the pieces back into play, and then he would be interested in the story again. Those two weeks of writing will undergo a lot of revision in drafts two and three, but they were written.

Always remember: You can’t edit what hasn’t been written.

Editing Rant: Unwavering Support Trope

Erin Penn Leave a comment

Photo by Jocelyn Allen on Unsplash

Within military science fiction and military romance and military fantasy, and well everywhere, is the trope of a woman standing by her man with great understanding. She knows he has “Gone Through It” (Trademark) and quietly supports him through everything – whether him blowing up in anger or never expressing his softer feelings because of his trauma.

He never has to apologize.

She is a saint for this.

And yet … and yet. If the Understanding Woman makes a mistake or the Damaged Man misinterprets something, she must apologize and go through the obstacle course he puts in her way.

He never has to understand her, because she understands him. She gives everything.

I would like to see this trope start working its way out of our collective consciousness. It isn’t that those who stand between us and darkness shouldn’t get special treatment, but that the special treatment should be in the way of therapy, not the privilege of damaging their loved ones.

Special treatment should be in the way of therapy, not the privilege of damaging their loved ones.

Especially if the author is writing science fiction where the dream of amazing therapy is available.

It is time to do away with the martyrs on both sides of the damage. Adults need to apologize and work toward their healing, whether the Damaged Warrior or the Understanding Loving One.

No one should accept anger without an active change in behavior to prevent future woundings of the relationship. If you love someone, remember to say it, show it, share it, not just take it.

While not a toxic trope as yet, without changing with the times, the Unwavering Support is damaging both to those wounded and those supporting the walking wounded. One of the places we, as writers and editors, can help society is changing the dynamic of this trope by including in the Unwavering Support driving to therapy, supporting roleplay to relearn emotional skills, and setting up clear borders to develop a healthy relationship.

Geeking Science: Not not wrong

Erin Penn Leave a comment


ID 36641551 @ Mohammed Anwarul Kabir Choudhury | Dreamstime.com

“She’s not not wrong.”

I stare at the sentence in the middle of my edit. A double-negative – kill, burn with fire!!!

Except…it’s in dialog. Rules are different there. They need to match the character and how they talk. Also, well, the scene, … the woman isn’t right, but she’s also not wrong. Can she be only “She’s not wrong.”? Or is the impact of the double negative “not not” needed to get the shade of meaning just right?

How does that work? How does the mind twist the meaning between halves of negative? Or is it three negatives? Is “wrong” a negative?

If double negatives are so frowned on, why does each generation use them? Other things have worked their way out of our language, but double-negatives refuse to die.

A 2024 study might give some insight to the problem. They are studying negation for AI programming purposes. AI hates negations because, even with the simpler “She’s not wrong”, it isn’t an absolute but this shade of gray depending on the people involved, what is happening, and the present cultural circumstances. “She’s not wrong.” isn’t “She’s right.” and, at this time, AI programming cannot handle it. Running into a negative makes the large-model language-processing computer flip everything to the opposite meaning, and that is NOT the case. (Devitt)

What happens, scientists have discovered is “not” mitigates the adjective. “Not hot” doesn’t mean cold, but, depending on the circumstance, meanings vary anywhere from “it won’t catch on fire” to “it won’t burn your tongue” to “room temperature.” Basically, “not” is letting you know that the normal things a HOT version of “this” (whatever “this” is) is not what will happen with this object. The firewood isn’t going to reignite, the pizza isn’t napalm on your tongue, and the coffee might need a run through the microwave before you drink it.

The test monitored reaction time to words on a screen as well as brain function. Negations slowed things down, forcing further engagement from the reader. The connections had to be processed and weighed to consider how “not” is the “not.” And while they didn’t cover double negatives, I bet these logical nightmares force even further engagement.

How does this apply to writing and editing?

Well, while we want the reader engaged with the reading, we don’t want them to work for understanding. Clarity is the ruler of the fiction world, and double-negatives (and it looks like normal negatives as well) decrease clarity. Shades of meaning: nearly, only, almost – add tension to the storytelling. “Not” adds tension as well. But too much uncertainty releases tension; the story just isn’t almost there.

For the publication community, the recommendation would be sharpen clarity and certainty in the narrative. The narrator voice should be trustworthy and easy to understand. The reader should breeze through the narrator voice, not stumbling on words and cutting shades of double-negatives to figure if the not-not-wrong is dark, light, or medium gray.

Dialog, though, can slow things down. Usually a dialog page has less words, but more character reveal. The words on the page are both part of the forward motion of the plot and the character development. Shades of gray, figuring what the character knows by what they are saying and what they are hiding and what they are misdirecting.

Negation should be in every writer’s toolbox, and every editor should hone the tool for best use within storytelling.

Who would have thought Negation is where “philosophers, psychologists, logicians, and linguists” (Zuanazzi) overlap with writers, editors, and readers?

Bibliography

Devitt, James. “How does the word ‘not’ affect your understanding of phrases.” Futurity.org. 2024 June 3. https://www.futurity.org/negation-language-interpretation-brains-3226342-2/ – last viewed 10/13/2025.

Zuanazzi, Arianna, et.al. “Negation mitigates rather than inverts the neural representation of adjectives.” PLOS Biology. 2024 May 30. https://journals.plos.org/plosbiology/article?id=10.1371/journal.pbio.3002622 – last viewed 10/13/2025

 

Editing Rant: Systemic Bias in Reading and Buying Books

Erin Penn Leave a comment

Photo by Michael Newton on Unsplash

“I’m not racist in my reading. I don’t even look at the author when I buy books (at the bookstore) / (online).”

Doesn’t matter, the system is racist. Even if you are not racist, the existing system is based on problematic structures.

Did you know that black romance is in a separate section from “contemporary romance” in most book stores? I find it in a completely different section, if the population is large enough near the bookstore to “justify” having a “black reader” section.

Did you know that the books facing cover out are best sellers, or paid to be facing out by the publisher to the bookstore owner since it costs more money to be in that position, and the publishers only pay for books they think will be best sellers? The outward facing books are more likely to picked them up, and therefore becoming the expected best seller.

And publishers, and bookstores, base the predicted best sellers, even in the  fantasy and sci-fi on historic sales – so if history of the genre is white male, guess what is cover side up for eye catching – making it a best seller, and making the next books also be white male – the SYSTEM is set up this way.

“But I get my books for the library.”

I went looking in the library for a person-of-color in the science fiction / fantasy audio section for a long drive. I found three books total: two black and one Hebrew out of four double-sided shelving units of audio books. Why? Because libraries buy what is asked for by their patrons, and their patrons ask for best sellers that have buzz- and, well, best sellers are best sellers because … see above SYSTEM that keeps history in place.

The system needs changing even if you don’t, and to do that, well, you need to change how you interact with the system.

You will need to ACTIVELY work on choosing books that are BIPoC (Black, Indigenous/Immigrant, People of Color). Same with Queer. Same with Women. Look again at that picture I have for this Editing Rant. How many are male and how many are female? Are any of them BIPoC or Queer?

I did a full youtube series on how the publishing industry is systemically limiting new authors based on the historical structure.