Flash: Friendzone Boss Battle

Photo by Pylz Works on Unsplash

Something a friend posted on Facebook:

“What men don’t realize is they aren’t ‘sentenced to the friend zone’, no, they allowed into the friendzone and given the first step of a quest. Women want to know if you can be friends, then we’ll talk about what else may or may not be added to the relationship.

Because if we can’t be friends, there isn’t a relationship.”

The following flash continues the “conversation.” Assume Shayda said the above.

“Yeah, noobs think they can just jump to Big Boss level 100 immediately.” Joanne snorted. “Amateurs.”

Shayda lay on her stomach between her friends, one on a recliner and the other hogging the coach as only a seven-month pregnant woman could. She grabbed another fistful of popcorn from the bowl between the two pieces of furniture, before asking, “So what would be your Big Boss fight on your quest?”

Rubbing her stomach, Joanne replied, “Oh, I don’t know, getting past my daddy issues?”

Carefully not looking up at the one in the recliner, Shayda asked, “You?”

“Hmm, sticking around through a crisis, I guess?” Patty shrugged, feet curled up in the overstuffed chair. “Never had anyone do that but you guys. The boyfriends always want to solve it and be done. Mack was the best of the lot and he couldn’t handle the long-term COVID fatigue that took a year to clear up. No stamina.”

Both of the other women nodded, with Shayda adding. “True dat.”

“How about you, Shay?” Joanne placing a small bowl beside the coach to be refilled. Shayda reached for it.

Patty rocked forward to look down, “Yeah, Shay, how about you?”

“Well, that stamina thing is huge.” After carefully doling out the next serving of buttery crunch for the land-whale and passing it up to Joanne, Shayda responded, “I guess that is part of the guys wanting to jump right through the friend zone to the boyfriend zone. No one wants to spend three months being friends with no ‘reward’.”

“Except they are willing to do three months on a game to get to level 100, so not buying that,” said the youngest member of the MMOG Thursday group.

“And friendship is its own reward. … Being around all of this is a pretty awesome thing, you know.” Joanne waved her expansive body, “And you are getting us off topic, Shay.”

Patty asked quietly, “What is your big boss?”

“Listening, I guess.” Shayda levered herself up to look at her two friends, leaning against the low center table. “Caring, supporting. Being a friend.”

“Yeah, if someone is in my house day-in day-out, I would want that.” Patty said in a wistful tone.

“Help with laundry, mowing, all the chores.” Shayda started ticking off requirements on her fingers. “Does me no good if you are more work than being on my own. Especially, if you want kids.”

Joanne twisted her lips, rubbing her stretched red-lined skin where her too tight shirt had slid up, and grunted, managing to sit vertical in one try, and set aside the re-emptied bowl.

“So a partner.” Patty wrapped her arms around her legs.

“Exactly,” the black woman nodded, “An equal.”

The group sighed at the concept.

“Yeah, that would be nice,” Joanne agreed.

The three gave little smiles to each other.

Then Shayda’s took a manic curve. “Plus explosive sex!”

(words 544; first published 11/29/2023; written 5/12/2023)