Tag: Fantasy (Urban)

Book Review (SERIES): Mason Dixon Monster Hunter

Erin Penn

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Mason Dixon Monster Hunter Season One by Eric R. Asher

  1. Mason Dixon, Monster Hunter
  2. Mason Dixon & the Wampus of Reed Springs
  3. Mason Dixon & the Ghost Dinosaur
  4. Mason Dixon & the Gowrow’s Last Stand

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for SEASON ONE

He’s a YouTube sensation, making hilarious videos about hunting down monsters in the wilds of Missouri that are too outlandish to be real. Besides, everybody knows things like gowrows, Momo, and jimplicutes are just tall tales told to scare children.

Aren’t they?

Follow Mason Dixon, his sidekick Emma, and their tech guru Himari as they wander the woods of the Midwest looking for the monster that killed Mason’s brother, and working hard to protect the other cryptids from encroaching humans. And sometimes protecting the encroaching humans from the cryptids, too! This hilarious horror comedy series is part of the expanded Bubba the Monster Hunter Universe created by John G. Hartness and populated by Hunters like Mark Wojcik, Jess Friedman, and Caitlin Kelley.

MY REVIEW for SEASON ONE

Mason Dixon Monster Hunter: Season One combines four previously published novellas – Mason Dixon; Mason Dixon and the Wampus of Reeds Spring; Mason Dixon and the Ghost Dinosaur; and Mason Dixon and the Gowrow’s Last Stand.

Mason Dixon is my second favorite Monster Hunter of the Bubbaverse, right behind the Monster Hunter Mom. His gimmick to pay the bills is run a video channel of Monster Hunting cryptics – only do the video so bad, it is all clearly fake. He and his team have to work really hard to make their very real monster investigation and relocation (they don’t kill the monsters, but move the creatures to a better place where they don’t harm the environment or humans) look fake.

And moving monsters around is NOT easy or safe, but they try and save lives of all kinds whenever they can. From Wampus to Invisible Dinosaurs.

I find the series (or collection – depending on which way you are reading it) charming, delightful, action-packed, and funny.

(Read through Kindle Unlimited)

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for MASON DIXON MONSTER HUNTER (Novella One)

The best-selling author of The Vesik series flexes his comedy muscles in a hilarious new comedy urban fantasy series!

They are the first line of defense against the things that go bump in the night. They are the keepers of a centuries-old legacy of The Church defending the world against the forces of darkness. They are a bunch of highly armed rednecks, internet video celebrities, soccer moms, and assorted broken nutjobs. They are the new Templars, and things are about to get weird. From the pages of Bubba the Monster Hunter comes a new series featuring the Hunters from around the United States hunting down monsters, fighting off supernatural baddies, and making life really, really bad for the things that hunt people.

He’s Mason Dixon, and he’s a bona fide internet celebrity. He has his own video series, a pistol that deserves its own area code, and a high definition video camera, and he’s not afraid to use any of them.

In this introductory urban fantasy novella, we meet Mason, his right hand Emma, his “handler” Noah, his anime-styled hacker friend Himari, and more monsters than you can shake a stick at. Unless it’s a really big stick.

With Mason, it’s always a big stick. This first novella in the series follows Mason through the wilds of Missouri as he hunts down monsters that hunt men, monsters that eat chewing tobacco, and monsters that make pancakes. And there’s moonshine.

And then Bubba the Monster Hunter shows up.

MY REVIEW for MASON DIXON MONSTER HUNTER (Novella One)

Mason Dixon is the perfect addition to the Bubba world.

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Bubba the Monster Hunter by John Hartness. But I’m more of a subtle humor kind-of gal instead of Bubba’s overt funny, and Eric Asher’s take on the Bubba sandbox with a crypo-hunter creating a faux youtube show about real hunts he goes on is LOL funny to me.

The new Monster Hunter series by Falstaff is still comedic, and monsters, and rural-sassiness. But subtler, smoother. Like finely aged apple shine. One left in the barn the entire winter before drinking.

The first part of the book introduces us to Mason Dixon and the second part of the book, after the major action is done, ties the series into the larger Bubba world.

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for MASON DIXON: THE WAMPUS OF REEDS SPRING (Novella Two)
Your newest favorite monster hunter is back, and this time there are squids!

Mason Dixon, the internet superstar and cryptid hunter from the woods of Missouri, is back with a new adventure, new monsters to hunt, new video to shoot, and new mysteries to unravel! Mason and his much more sensible sidekick Emma are investigating a series of monster attacks when, as usual, they find much more than they bargained for.

Can Mason figure out how to build the easy-up tree stand?
Can they survive the fearsome Wampus?
Will they get enough cool footage to keep Himari happy?
How much gear can they destroy on one expense account?
The answer to all these questions and at least one more are hidden with The Wampus of Reeds Springs!

MY REVIEW for MASON DIXON: THE WAMPUS OF REEDS SPRING (Novella Two)
Mason Dixon is back, and he is still hunting monsters with a camera and knock-out darts whenever possible. In the process, he gets his ATV stepped on by a bingduffer and his arm swallowed by a gally-wampus. He is so diligently earnest with multi-ton water-mammals and big cats with razor claws, you just want to bundle him up in his endangered-species-protection-centric world and hug him.

He brings new meaning to tree-hugging eco-warrior: hugging on the tree and hoping not to fall out on top of the rock-throwing bingduffer, while still getting good footage for his webshow.

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for MASON DIXON & THE GHOST DINOSAUR (Novella Three)
Now Mason Dixon is back, and this time his problems are bigger than ever!

Like, dino-sized!

The sasquatch is on his side, the zigmals are cute, and the gowrows are downright adorable, but when Mason Dixon and his sidekick Emma run afoul of not only a dinosaur, but also MoMo the Missouri Monster, he’s in for the fight of his life!

MY REVIEW for MASON DIXON & THE GHOST DINOSAUR (Novella Three)
Another fast read from Eric Asher. I love Mason Dixon’s approach to being a Templar in the Harkness’ Bubba-verse – instead of hiding the fact monsters exist, become an internet cryptid-hunter. One of the few monster hunters who hunts with a zoom lens and a dart gun, for when push comes to shove.

And when Mason runs across GHOST DINOSAURS, push really comes to shove.

Awesome book. I mean – Dinosaurs!

With Sasquatches, and side-hill hoofers, and zigmals, …. everything a cryptid lover can love!

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for MASON DIXON: THE GOWROW’S LAST STAND (Novella Four)
He’s fought ghost dinosaurs, wrangled gowrows, drank moonshine with Sasquatch, and chased miniature flying squirrels all over a movie theatre, but nothing could have prepared Mason Dixon for what he’s about to deal with in the thrilling conclusion to Mason Dixon, Monster Hunter Season One!

If it had just been the jackalope, that would have been simple. But nothing’s ever simple for Mason, and when super-secret government agency DEMON finds out that he’s created a cryptid sanctuary in the wilds of Missouri, things go from sideways to downright corkscrewed. Now Mason has to navigate an uneasy truce between multiple species of monsters that are typically…not friendly, evacuate a crowd of unruly cryptids before the government shows up and kidnaps them or worse, and negotiate with MoMo, the Missouri Monster himself, to create a new safe haven for the creatures he’s spent years trying to save.

It’s a lot to ask of a YouTube star that most of the world thinks is a complete hoax. But it’s safer to pretend to be a fake than to let the world know the truth. Because monsters are real, and this time it’s Mason’s job to save them.

MY REVIEW for MASON DIXON: THE GOWROW’S LAST STAND (Novella Four)
Another in the Mason Dixon (New Templars Novella) series. Mason comes against the biggest cryptid ever – the American Government – who in the department of DEMON has decided to collect the cryptid contents of Larry’s sanctuary for themselves. What them mean to do with them is anyone’s guess (*cough* weaponize them *cough*), but Mason and his extended circle aren’t going to take the invasion laying down.

Not a wrong note in this conclusion of the first season of Mason Dixon. Action packed and environmentally sound, the mix of humor, horror, hope, and have-at perfects this read. Highly recommend.

If you can, read the first three volumes first. The whole series builds nicely. If you want to purchase it as one item, I expect the Season will be collected soon (it is 2/20/2021 when this review was written). In the meantime, check it out through Kindle Unlimited (I did).

Flash: Fifteen Minutes

Erin Penn

Image from dreamtime (paid for)

Trigger warning: shooter

I hate my life.

My name is Ymir, which means, roughly, Cry Havoc, a suitable Viking name for an Irish lass. I have a lot of things happening in my life. Several of which were happening right now, hence why I hate my life times ten at the moment.

First, school. High School. On a Monday. Morning. First class. History. International history.

Second, something observing the class. Not someone, something.

Death held up a finger to his lips. Teeth. His face was a skull, but I’m so used to people having lips. Was he, it, a person? Or just a concept, a manifestation of a collective energy? Too much thought. I didn’t want to be caught staring off to nowhere again.

I dropped my head down and pressed my lips together, taking Death’s warning to heart but otherwise ignoring where it darkened a corner of the classroom. Ms. Taylor had no patience for my eccentricates. The math and English teachers work hard to meet my IEP, but Ms. Taylor said history showed society had no time for coddling.

“I-mere, tell us about the Battle of the Budge.”

Slouching down in the desk, I tapped my desk with my red pen. Sometimes I just can’t talk and my IEP said I could indicate this by tapping the desk. I did three clear taps, looking at her under my red curls, my chin against my chest, knowing she will take it as defiance, and maybe I wanted her to challenge me. She had mangled my name again. I was used to it. But I’m named after a Norse god.

How hard can it be for her to learn it considering all the geographic and historical names that bounce around in the empty space between her ears?

“Imert Sullivan, if you don’t want to answer at your desk, maybe you can tell us from the front of the room.” She waited until I grudging stood and started heading to the front of the room, before she addressed the rest of the class. “Open to chapter 49, section 5. You should have read chapters 46 to 50 over the weekend.”

We are teenagers. Only the bloodthirsty would have wasted their weekend, now that the snow had melted, reading about World War II, which mean about a third of us sucked the marrow out of those chapters.

I was one of them.

At the board I wrote on the white board in red: 79,258.

“What does that number mean?” the teacher asked after she helped Jason find his place in the book. She paid attention to his IEP for dyscalculia.

I wrote under the number. “Dead.” Underlined it three times, and stared at her through my bangs with my black eyes.

“And where did you come up with that number?” She flipped her asymmetrical Karen cut out of her eyes.

My attention drifted to Death sitting behind her and focused on his hollow orbs. They held proudness in the deep shadows.

The teacher stepped into my line of sight, blocking Death’s vanity, and said, “The causalities were much higher.”

If you included the injured and disabled, sure. But dead in the ground, never to breathe again. Those whose death needed to be sung during those five weeks, 79,258. Death doesn’t break his collection between Allies and Axis no matter how carefully humans keep the numbers separate. I put the cap on the pen and crossed my arms.

“If you are so sure, tell us about it.”

I signed “no”, snapping two fingers down firmly on my thumb. Death doesn’t want me to talk, I will not be talking.

“Fine, I will just mark your participation down today as a zero.”

I shrug and walked back to my desk. If Death was here personally, waiting around, something was about to go down. I hoped it wasn’t one of the kids.

After she turned her attention to another victim, the first notes start forming in the back of my throat.

Damn.

I would need to harmonize my banshee cry, that means more than one.

I didn’t smell a fire.

My mind went to the most common thing children think of when in school and they know death is visiting. Our classroom is nearest the back staircase. The one with the fire door kids and teachers alike propped open to sneak out for smokes. I signed at Death “shooter?” as small as I could, since finger guns would look really bad in the direction of the teacher.

He raised a hand with five bony digits extended.

Does he mean hold up? Give him five?

Nope, he curled one phalanges unit down.

Countdown.

The second finger curled down quickly after the first.

Music filled my head. I could feel my vocal cords warming up. Four songs.

The most I ever sung. Too many, especially with all the notes so short and sweet. Even with the brief songs I will be at it for nearly a quarter hour.

I can’t imagine how long it would take to sing 79,258 dead.

Death closed his hand into a fist when a senior recently expelled, dressed in camo and carrying a StG-44 and a Colt M1911 as backup, slammed through the door, kicking it close behind him. As a banshee, I can feel the wails still associated with these weapons. Someone had plucked them from a battlefield as souvenirs.

***

“Down, down!” the man demands.

I dive behind the metal cabinet the teacher has at the back of the room, grateful I don’t have to sing yet as none of the kids about to die are leaders. Jason, bless him, jumps in front of Ms. Taylor and dies first. She will live, but the bullets from the assault rifle leave her a red mess, Jason’s blood spray plastering her short hair against her head as she drops screaming.

Melissa and Angie managed to hide their cell phones from Ms. Taylor. She never challenged the straight-A class president and her best friend too hard, and their unconfiscated phones send out texts alerting the school of the danger. Jason Edgar, we call him Eggie to help differentiate between the six Jasons in our sophomore year, is crawling to the fire extinguisher.

No, no. I know your song. Don’t do it.

I wanted to ask you out on a date when I turn sixteen next month. You are brave and nice. Smart and protective.

I curl into a ball as the rifle goes off again. The weapon adds wails twenty-six and twenty-seven to its noise.

Silence cuts the noise into sobs.

Only one song left to learn.

It slides between options, like the end of the weapon moving between targets. A trill for timid Chloe. A light scat for Jelani. A run up and down the scale for Genesis who would never transition.

Genesis’ song gets stronger. The shooter has a special hate for them.

No. no. Only one song is acceptable among those around me this day. A growl rumbles deep in my chest. I tap a hand against my leg setting a beat while slowly rising behind the filing cabinet.

Melissa and Angie look at me as if I am crazy.

I am.

Banshees always are.

If not to start, at least by the end.

Stepping into view, I let the wail tear out from my throat even as shooter shifts his weapon from Genesis to me.

Too late motherfucker.

The sound hits dead center. And by dead, I see Death grab the senior’s face and pull his essence from his body. I duck sideways, still singing, as the assault rifle sprays the wall behind me when the trigger is set off one last time.

I don’t stop singing, I can’t.

But I sign to Angie to get everyone out. Now. Both hands dropped firmly, thumbs and little fingers out.

Listening to banshees sing is a quick way to crazy.

We are not immune to our own songs. Ask my grandma. Someone has to hear and understand what we sing, if only ourselves. The life and hopes and dreams cut short.

They move.

Leaving me with four bodies and an unconscious, bleeding teacher.

I’m singing Eggie’s ballad, he loved his country music to the depths of his soul, when the EMTs arrive with earplugs. They get Ms. Taylor out with the police’s help. Then they wait.

Not the EMTs, but the police and the ones with the black bags to zip around four children whose lives I could lament in less than fifteen minutes.

Death leaves as the last note escapes me, cutting my strings. An officer, a werewolf by the scent, catches me before I hit the ground. The school councilor closes on my right side, pulling me into her arms as I shake, crying silently.

It’s hard to hold back. To not make sound, but the magic is still too close. I must remain silent.

I hate my life.

(words 1,487, first published 11/21/2023)

Ymir’s Songs series

  1. Fifteen Minutes (10/09/2022)
  2. Song for Rosalyn (11/26/2023)

Book Review (SERIES): These Marvelous Beasts

Erin Penn

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These Marvelous Beasts: The Complete Frost & Filigree Series by Natania Barron

  1. Frost & Filigree
  2. Masks & Malevolence
  3. Time & Temper

This is the collected works of the Frost & Filigree series which I read and reviewed as the individual novellas came out. I love Natania Barron’s voice as a writer – so rich and detailed.

While These Marvelous Beasts is an adventure throughout the United States and Europe from the Victorian era through the Roaring Twenties, the story never strayed far from the central questions: What makes a monster? When does one become a monster, and when does one stop being a monster? Using mythology from around the world, Ms. Barron explores this question in this historical Urban Fantasy. If deeper questions aren’t your cup of tea in reading (and really, they aren’t mine – I read to escape), there are battles, and romance, and monsters, and gods, and family, and vampire galore.

The first book of the series is the “weakest” of the lot. Ms. Barron works better in a novel format, and she needed to figure the pacing difference of the shorter format.

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for FROST & FILIGREE – BEASTS OF TARRYTOWN

Vivienne du Lac and Nerissa Waldemar — a.k.a. la belle dame sans merci and the lamia — have been living among the elite of Tarrytown for quite some time, undetected but for the trail of goats in their wake (one must eat, after all). But just as their eccentricities begin to raise eyebrows, a dark evil arises, intent on murder. They meet a with a young woman named Christabel Crane and a group of bumbling cultists calling themselves the Circle of Iapetus, who beg for help combating the creature.

As they plunge deeper into the mysteries surrounding the New York elite, old flames rekindle, and old grudges, too. Vivienne and Nerissa agree to help fend off the darkness, but will spilled blood mean the end of their reform? And if not, at what cost?

MY REVIEW for FROST & FILIGREE – BEASTS OF TARRYTOWN

Much more complicated set of characters than I normal find in the Shadow Council shared world – almost doesn’t fit in the novella (which is a complete story). A couple of the transitions between chapter/scenes have abrupt jumps; a problem with the extremely short format of novellas.

The language is beautiful. I bet this will be an amazing audiobook.

What makes a monster? When does one become a monster, and when does one stop being a monster? The monsters in this book are not that introspective, and they know what they are and what they have been capable of in the past. But in the here and now, they want to be part of society. For Vivienne du Lac, it is because she feeds on emotions of people. The higher and brighter the better, and this was a time of high society parties. For Nerissa, well, keeps her from backsliding.

She doesn’t want to be that monster in the swamp eating people; she wants to be better than that. But when a group of humans set off a bomb at a party to maximize blood (but not death), Nerissa and Vivienne need to face their baser selves, deal with the humans willing to risk the two monster setting off a blood bath, and fight the real monster in the area. All the while being distracted by the return of an old flame of Vivienne’s who she thought was dead. Is he the new monster – or is the new monster pretending to be him?

Action packed, but turn of the 18 to 19th century beauty. A good read in the style of an urban fantasy Victorian romance.

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for MASKS & MALEVOLENCE – BEASTS OF CAIRO

Our monstrous heroes — Waldemar, Goodwin, & Crane — have suffered an unimaginable loss. Vivienne du Lac, the powerful sylph and their dear friend, has been captured, eluding all attempts at rescue for ten years.

The trio finds themselves in Cairo, Egypt, the crossroads of the old and new worlds, grasping at the limited clues they have to Vivienne’s whereabouts. As they pursue the trail, they come face to face with new monsters, new enemies, and a host of ancient gods wreaking havoc.

The hunt for Vivienne leads ever downward, to the very gates of the Underworld. Will Nerissa, Worth, and Christabel manage to stay alive, let alone keep their wits? After all, a lamia, a Questing Beast, and a unicorn, draw a certain amount of attention in a big city like Cairo… especially when one of them needs blood to survive.

With the help of new friends — including a kitsune named Kit and a Nith dwarf named Alma — the heroes launch an assault to the very gates of the Great Pyramid.

MY REVIEW for MASKS & MALEVOLENCE – BEASTS OF CAIRO

Natania Barron writes books as beautiful as her covers. This time we follow our beasts to Cairo, where the marsh-based snake, the lamia Nerissa, is less than happy about leaving the moist country-side of Tarrytown. She only left it to find her lifelong companion Vivienne, however strained their relationship might be and often was, on some level she needs the fey – who has been kidnapped by their former slave-butler Barquan, a dijinn. Joining her in the search are Worth (a, the?, Questing Beast) and Christabel (a unicorn), and a new person they pick up cheap in the bazaar (more about that little one will be spoilers except for the fact she adds much needed energy to the beastly dynamics).

Masks & Malevolence captures the time and sensibilities of the flapper era, and provides an even more complicated narrative than Frost & Filigree. The novella again packs so much into so little space yet completes the story it is telling.

Well worth the read!

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for TIME & TEMPER – BEASTS OF LONDON

It’s been two decades since Vivienne du Lac, powerful night sylph and mysterious monster of fashion, was abducted from Tarrytown New York in a display of strange magic. Her friends Nerissa Waldemar, the lamia; Worth Goodwin, the Questing Beast; and Christabel Crane, a unicorn, have chased her shadow across two continents, down the winding streets of Cairo, and indeed, into the Underworld itself.

Just when they’re about to give up, a surprising letter indicates that Vivienne might still be alive, and closer than they think. Aided by a kitsune named Kit, a reluctant angel named Ophaniel, a dwarf named Alma, and a host of gods, goddess, monsters, and miscreants, Waldemar, Goodwin, and Crane dash through London and into Spain to try and unite with Vivienne once again. But an army of void creatures greets them, and alongside their deadly attack clues to the insidious villain who’s been lurking in the shadows for thousand of years.

Once again, it’s up to the team to sort through their own interpersonal challenges of love, jealousy, and inner desires, as they race against the clock — and time and existence itself — to rescue Vivienne, or else perish trying. Will Nerissa beat her addictions? Will Christabel get over her lost love and find her place in the world? Will Worth ever cease being a sartorial nightmare?

Tempers rise and adventure awaits in the final installment of the Frost and Filigree series.

MY REVIEW for TIME & TEMPER – BEASTS OF LONDON

With the third, and final, book of a series, one always waits with baited breath. Will the author do the voice justice? Will my investment as a reader be fulfilled? Can everything be drawn together in a satisfying manner?

Never question if Natania Barron can draw anything – whether cover art or a conclusion to a beloved series. The richness of her voice, the complicated characters, everything in Time and Temper is as gratifying as one might hope.

If you love a rich voice set in Victorian times through the Roaring twenties, with everything from angels to lamia, this is the series for you. Start at book one. I *think* Time and Temper works as a stand-alone, but you will be shorting yourself if you don’t read the whole series.

 

Flash: Punch a Nazi

Erin Penn

Photo by BENCE BOROS on Unsplash

“They’re back.” Rick had his back to the door as he whispered low enough no one beyond the bar could hear thanks to the additional enchantments the owner had added after the incident last week.

Drawing a deep draft for a half-giant, I glanced toward the door where the new bouncing staff held up their hands trying to deescalate the situation. Four to one wasn’t good odds. “Tats,” I spat, darkening my skin further, drawing up my hair into elaborate braids. “Take care the Pix’s top, could you?” I jumped over the bar and slid down the other side. “I got some lessons to teach.”

“Sure thing. Should I let the boss know?”

“Not going to matter.” I didn’t have the patience to be polite and play by human rules. My long stride ate the distance between the bar and the door.

“Look man, your club ain’t allowed here anymore since you guys broke sanctuary last week.” The fae bouncer kept their hands visible. Even wearing their male aspect, the winter Seelie was over a foot shorter than the lead vampire.

“Whatcha gonna do about it, fairy?” The vampire crowded the bouncer toward the wall, confident the three jackets he came in with would guard his back.

I scented with my tongue. The groupie vampires had been turned in the past month, and the were of the group had at most three moons since being bit. The lead vampire pushed a decade but wasn’t the sire of the babes. Smith really needed to clean up his coven or I would clean it for him. With an egg to consider, all unnecessary dangers in my territory needed to be eradicated soon.

“They are going to let me take care of it.” I crossed my arms over the black cropped shirt the wait staff used as a uniform. I shifted my mobility from the human appearing glamour to normal flight, then I pulled some extra weight from the plane where I stored my excess. Just six percent should be enough; it wasn’t like my present body presentation could handle more than that, especially since I restored the shape to slimmer version for work.

The vampire didn’t even turn around at my words, foolishly thinking after a measly decade and a nip of the teeth he now qualified as an apex predator. Cockily, he held out a heavily tattooed arm with a finger up. “One fucking minute doll and I will get to you.”

“Nah.” I grabbed the finger and pulled it down, along with the muscular arm, then yanked him toward me. The vamp had been a weight lifter in life, and at over seven foot, he weighed a meager three hundred pounds. I had moved 1,500 pounds of extra mass from my main form.

He moved, I didn’t.

I dead-palmed the punch he threw as he turned, wrapping my fingers around it.

His eyes grew round, before narrowing at the negroid features I had started wearing since Massey agreed to be my egg carrier. He tried to yank his hand away from my grip, and I let him succeed. I watched as his bigoted brain downplayed my danger because of the color of my skin and the shape of my nose, and maybe even the size of my breasts. Supremists often came with a side of misogyny.

“Fuckin’ cunt.” He gripped and ungripped his hand, testing the mobility.

“Tell you want, let’s do a one-punch contest. You win, we serve you. Hell, I’ll even buy the first two rounds. I win, y’all leave and never come back.” I spread my arms. “I’ll even let you go first.” I smiled with teeth showing, maintaining full human appearance. The expression didn’t seem to faze the gang members, but the crazy grin made the bouncer take a step back. Fae understood crazy. I nodded to Seelie. “Just hold up the line for a couple minutes if you can, this won’t take long.”

“You got that right.” The lead vampire growled. “It won’t take long at all.”

“You agree? You tats leave and don’t come back, ever, if I win?” I carefully adjust my stance to make it look like I was bracing for a punch. Looking like you are walking while you are actually flying isn’t the easiest thing, but I had plenty of practice in a variety of forms and glamours.

“Yeah, sure.”

He blinked as the magic covenant slid into place.

“Sanctuary grounds. Don’t make contracts you don’t want enforced.” I smirked. The regulars quickly learned never to stiff a bill or skimp on a promised tip. Roderiguez didn’t run tabs. “Be sure to make the first punch count.”

“Oh, I will, bitch.” The huge undead took a step and swung hard. The power of his punch pushed him back a few steps, and he curled around his hand.

I was disappointed when I didn’t hear bones crunch. “You pulled your punch, that was stupid.” I moved to close the gap. “My turn.”

“Jump her.” The elder grunted at the younger vampires. But they weren’t his spawn, so they had the option to back off, which they took. I memorized their faces. Smart vampires made good neighbors, if they remembered to be smart and not try to be clever. Only the werewolf responded, transforming to full lycan shape and leaped at me. Either the lead vampire had were- control, a common enough ability, or the furry hungered for a pack and answered to an alpha orders. Hurting him would be like kicking a chained puppy. I backhand him gently into the babes. The two younglings grabbed him and hold him back.

To control the slap, I had turned toward the werewolf. The owner of Bar None frowned on killing customers, even unwanted ones.

The pack leader used what he thought was a distraction to jump at my back at vampire speed. At a mere decade, his speed was a joke. I easily spun, brought across just a minuscule portion of my talons into this form, and punched through his chest, holding his black heart hostage, before he understood what happened.

“That wasn’t part of the agreement. Ordering the fledging like that. It was to be you and I.” I stared up at him, letting a bit of my golden lizard pupils shine through my human appearance, and curled back my lips. “You broke Sanctuary.”

I squeezed my fist closed, then dropped the decaying corpse on the ground.

Wiping the blood turning into dust over my bare stomach, I turn to the remaining tats and jackets. “You were part of the agreement. You understand that right?”

The two vampires nodded their heads vigorously. The transformed wolf growled groggily, his broken jaw healing with audible snaps.

“Don’t come back. Let the rest of the gang know too.”

I dropped my chin to stare into the vampires’ black eyes, breaking the common-sense rule of never making eye contact with vampires. They were too young for it to matter. The werewolf tilted his neck, exposing his throat.

“You come in while I’m here, anyone with your colors, and I will remove you.” I kicked the shrinking dust pile to indicate how I would remove them. I taught lessons but only once. Supernaturals either had a learning curve or they didn’t. “Got it?”

They nodded.

“Go.”

The three children rushed out the door.

“Alphin, do a better job and sweep up this mess.”

“No problem. Sure thing.” The fae stumbled over their words. “On it.”

I turned around, forgetting for a moment to make it look like I wasn’t flying, the spin raised me an inch or so off the floor. Sighing, seeing about half the customers with their eyes wide staring at me, comparing the rumors of what they heard about last week against what they just witnessed, I shunted my talons and weight back to the other side and landed on the floor light enough not to crack the tiles. “What?” I asked the crowd, “Boss said no more tats. We are a Sanctuary. Anyone got a problem with that?”

People shook their heads and dropped their heads to their drinks.

“Remember to treat your waitresses with respect, because if you think I’m scary, you should see an annoyed witch.”

The wait staff chuckled at that one, all of them apprentices of the owner, a thousand-year-old wizard capable of maintaining a Sanctuary in a large metropolitan area, and one of the few being on the planet who remembered what it is like to hunt dragons. Some of the regulars joined in the laughter. By the time I made it across the club to slide across the silver-trimmed bar, conversations were restarting around the room.

(words 1,449; first published 1/19/2024)

Book Review (SERIES): Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 5

Erin Penn

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Blood, Sweat, & Tears: Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 5 (SERIES) by John G. Hartness

  1. Born to be Wilds
  2. Swamp Music
  3. Houses of the Holy
  4. Blaze of Glory

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for BLOOD, SWEAT, & TEARS

Bubba’s back from Fairyland, and sometimes it feels like they shoulda just stayed there!

Man, coming back to the real world sucks. Bubba and his whole team have been fired on account of going MIA for a year and a half (yeah, time moves differently in Faerie. Yay.), and now they’ve got to…get jobs? Oh, this is going to go well.

Blood, Sweat, & Tears tracks Bubba, Skeeter, Uncle Father Joe, and Amy as they re-enter society, get new jobs, almost burn down down the bar stupid enough to hire Bubba, end up owning a shifter crossfit gym, travel to Florida to learn way more about Uncle Father Joe’s new girlfriend than they ever thought they wanted to know, and then end up dealing with Quincy F’n Harker?!?

Yeah, that’s right. The Quincy Harker/Bubba crossover that you’ve all been waiting for happens right here, and the results are explosive, to say the least. No really, I’m not exaggerating. A lot of shit blows up. Because, well, Bubba.

MY REVIEW for BLOOD, SWEAT, & TEARS

Blood, Sweat, & Tears: Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 5 collects four novellas into one volume and hits a story out of the ballpark.

Born to be Wild – the perfect reintroduction of the cast after the year among the fairies. Gets our favorite redneck and his friends back on the saddle of doing what they do best – being in bars and blowing things up … sometimes both at the same time.

Swamp Music – another blast from the past where Father Joe’s girlfriend reaches out for help and Bubba delivers.

Houses of the Holy – Hartness writes two strong series which he said were placed in the same universe. Fans wanted a crossover – so Bubba goes to the Queen City. It’s not often Bubba is the backup team, but to stop an apocalyptic level spell he’s all for letting the wizard taking the lead. He’ll just sit back and guard a sword in a church. How hard can that be?

Blaze of Glory – Takes everything up a notch. Mr Card – sometimes known as Dracula – has gone off the reservation. One of the people the vampire cared deeply about died, and monster that he is, he normally doesn’t react well when that happens. For most beings, that might be a drinking spree — and for someone once called Vlad, a drinking spree has a very different connotation. Can Bubba find him in time? Or will something else find Bubba and his team first?

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for BORN TO BE WILD

He lost his job because he’s not exactly human. His girlfriend got fired just for dating him. His best friend…well, Skeeter’s okay, actually. It ain’t like this is a country song or anything.

Bubba the Monster Hunter is back from Fairyland and trying to figure out how he fits into the normal(ish) world again. He’s got a job as a bouncer at the Don’t Drop Inn, but that all goes up in smoke (way too literally) when his newest case comes waltzing in the front door with a mini zombie apocalypse in tow!

Bubba has to save a vampire from zombies and figure out who wants to make Caufield Evers Oglethorpe IV dead. Again. That investigation will involve magic, werewolves, rogue government agents, subcutaneous tracking devices, and crossfit. Just another day in the life of Bubba the unemployed Monster Hunter!

MY REVIEW for BORN TO BE WILD

4/21/2019 First Readthrough – At last, Season Five begins and we see Bubba back in his element.

Friends – including Skeeter’s high pitch voice in his ear!
Starting the story at a Bar!
Beating on people for fun and profit, killing bad things with high explosives, and deciding some bad guys just need talking to (after slugging a couple times).
Humor and wild tangents.
Taking his girl out to lunch and then visiting a necromancer for dessert.

Classic Bubba. I’ve missed you. Like fire ants in the Spring, makes me want to shout “Come and get some”.

2/27/2022 Second readthrough
Season five is complete and I carved out time to read it. This book is the perfect setup to the four novella series – reintroducing the characters, establishing their styles and methods, human and horror, blowing things up. The perfect beginning.

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for SWAMP MUSIC

Bubba’s facing off against the most fearsome creature in history – Florida Man!

Well, not really. But kinda. Bubba’s hitting the road to to help a friend when Uncle Father Joe calls for aid. Bubba rolls into Orlando to help out the defrocked priest and his scientist/were-gator girlfriend, and ends up stumbling into something much bigger than even that giant lizard’s cloaca! Somebody’s hunting cryptids, and it ain’t him, so he needs to find out what’s going on back in them swamps, and why suddenly everybody is named Director Shaw?!?

Bubba will battle foes both human and cryptid, and some a little of both in this hilarious horror comedy novella. Season Five of Bubba the Monster Hunter continues with Swamp Music!

MY REVIEW for SWAMP MUSIC

This novella published in May 2020 – and is the perfect homage to the first half of the COVID, while still ALSO being the perfect Bubba book for crazy no-shit mayhem, while still ALSO being a continuation of character building and story progression of the overall story for the Bubba universe in the fifth season.

Born to Be Wild reestablished our hero and his team back on earth – reminding us what Southern Region Monster Hunting looks like. It was fun and lively, but not so deep on the characters.

Swamp Music picks up the action a pace, gives us additional depth and history of this long-running series when Father Joe needs help when his girlfriend’s cousin gets kidnapped. Now that he is an ex-priest … what is gonna happen with GF if the rescue is successful.

And that depends on Bubba dealing with a bunch of Florida weirdness including animal theme parks, were-gators, and keeping an eye on Geri who may still be itching to do a killin’.

Pitch perfect Bubba story. This is why we read Bubba stuff.

 

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for HOUSES OF THE HOLY

The long-anticipated Bubba/Quincy Harker crossover starts here!

Bubba is hired by the Department of Homeland Security to guard some relics in Charlotte, but there’s more going on than there seems. Doesn’t DHS have Quincy Harker, a mostly capable wizard type, right there in Charlotte? And Isn’t Bubba blacklisted from working for the government after DEMON decided they wanted to kill him? And didn’t he smear vampire guts all over College Street that last time he was in Charlotte?

Find out all this, and learn more about the nefarious Director Shaw’s plans for DEMON and world domination as Bubba the Monster Hunter meets up with members of Quincy Harker’s crew to stop the ultimate evil from going down in the Queen City!

Events in Houses of the Holy take place simultaneously with the Quincy Harker novel Conspiracy Theory.

MY REVIEW for HOUSES OF THE HOLY

The third novella of Bubba’s fifth season starts the core of the season’s story. In Born to be Wild and Swamp Music, Bubba was a little out of shape … okay, a lot out of shape. But he now owns a cross-fit gym so he started working out a bit and getting down to a fighting weight (if when you are “down” and still over 300 pounds can be counted as such – when you are over six and a half, it can). And good thing too.

Because Mr. Hartness, the author, did a fan service thing and had his two favorite characters meet. Quincy and Bubba in the same room.

Bubba is called to the Queen City (Charlotte, NC) from his Georgia stomping grounds to operate as the backup team during a little bit of apocalypse.

Normally Bubba is the “A” team, but he is okay to let this slide. Demons and spells and ending the world is more a Quincy thing. He and his team are happy to take the government paycheck … and sweet, sweet equipment.

Of course, being Bubba, he manages to get himself banned from a bar the first day. Next assignment has him guarding a sword inside a cathedral. Hope his day gets better – or EVERYONE’S day is going to get a lot worse.

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BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON for BLAZE OF GLORY

The stunning conclusion to Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 5 is here!

Bubba and the team have been called to Charlotte to help the Department of Homeland Security on a job. Since being in North Carolina, Bubba has been tased, kidnapped, beaten silly, and met DEMON agents, actual demons, and an angel. Now he’s been hired to hunt down the literal most famous monster in history – Count Dracula.

Only problem is, Dracula’s nephew, the wizard Quincy Harker, doesn’t like the idea of Bubba hunting his family in his city.

Will Bubba and Harker finally throw down? Will Bubba get kidnapped and beaten up again? Will the be explosions?

That last one was a trick question. Of course there will be explosions! Get your hands on the thrilling conclusion to Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 5, because this one changes things forever!

MY REVIEW for BLAZE OF GLORY

Fourth and final novella of the fifth season of Bubba. This story overlaps with Mr. Hartness’ Quincy Hartness series but can be read without knowing all the background of the Quincy-verse.

What matters is the man the world once knew as Dracula just lost one of his favorite humans. When normal beings lose someone this close to violence, they go on drinking sprees. “Drinking spree” takes on new meaning when applied to the world’s most famous vampire. Bubba’s job is to bring him back before that becomes a problem.

But can he? Especially when while Monster Hunting, something is hunting him and his team. Can they all make it out alive? (or undead in one case.)

This is a masterpiece of a book with the laughter and tears only possible with a long-running series where you KNOW the characters.