Flash: Mop Up Part 1 (Pizza and Movie Night Part 3)

“I’m never going to be clean again.” I splashed out from my bucket the most recent goop we found which used to be a person, then dead, then a zombie, then, well, smelly half-day-old goop, to evaporate in the afternoon sun with sizzles, pops, and farting sounds and a completely related scents one expects between the mix of black magic, gray magic, and old fashion elbow grease clearing out some CIS white guy’s attempt at proving he was top man on the pole when all he had was a stick up his ass. Seven hours in, my headache pounded under the cheerful sun and clear skies. My clothes stuck in places they shouldn’t, jeans wet from knees to ankles with all the stuff of non-life.

Everything I was wearing will burn.

After finishing writing down the address, amount, and freshness in their little notebook of the most recent find, Jae, my partner on Gamma team 9, spun the finder around at the end of its chain to see if we were finally done. “Today’s motivation is a shower, a steamy soak in the Magic Club hot tub, and another shower before going home for another bath.”

“If we use the club, we won’t have to clean up anything at our place except for the pile from last night.”

“Yes.” Jae’s lips turned up at the corners. “And since we are in the same clothes as last night, it won’t be much at all.”

“Genius move that, if completely gross getting redressed in.”

The ugly green gem trapped in a silver and gold wire cage the Alphas gave us hissed like steam as it banged against one side of the cage, pulling it out of Jae smooth rotation, and I winced. Still more in our territory. Ugh.

I tromped behind Jae to the next site. Two blocks later, with everyone waving at us in support for our work but staying upwind and out of voice range, we had another city alley, another door in the back beside a dumpster which smelled better than us, and another door going down to the old coal chutes. Three hundred years of infrastructure left a lot of places for the zombies to hide.

Jae opened the door and the mottled gem made its high pitch bell-tinkling happy sound. “Six chimes,” they counted, able to separate the sounds since they held the rock.

“Six?” I pulled out a phone, double-check it was mine, then tromped to the front of the building to take a picture of the location.

Jae’s phone remained in the other pocket until they were done with the woo-woo work. As a two-soul, they did most of the magic manipulation but every now and then my non-sexual being won the moil and toil. Technically we should only be a Delta team because we can’t do magic on our own, but everything about Jae and me scream to the Alpha mages a trinity. We should be able to do real magic, not just activate the items they give us, once we find our third.

We’ve been together since grade school, so I figure if we hadn’t found them in twenty years, we weren’t going to fall over them anytime soon. And the big-time mages have tried from their end and they have found nothing. The spells cast wasn’t “in this city”, I mean, yeah, they started there, but they scried hard. The big dogs always want more; a true gamma team would cover the entire city, not just a borough, and there are a ton of third tier cities which could use more direct supervision.

Our third isn’t anywhere alive on this planet. Maybe, hopefully, they will be born soon.

I texted the picture and the number of goop bodies we would be dragging out to the technical control. I reviewed the musical sounds in my head and sent a guess about the freshness. I think it sounded like several months dead, but hard to say, especially with the number involved. The stone is tuned to Jae, not me. I only hear it because of our deep partnership. Thank the deities, no one else could hear it, like the zombies waiting in the dark.

I returned to the door, avoided taking a deep breath, then nodded at Jae to lead the way with their machete as I followed with the bucket and mop.

(first published 6/22/2022; words 743)

Pizza and movie night series
Pizza and Movie Night (2/21/2021)
Pizza and Movie Night Part 2 (3/7/2021)
Mop Up Part 1 (Pizza and Movie Night Part 3) (4/4/2021)
Mop Up Part 2 (Pizza and Movie Night Part 4) (4/18/2021)

Visitor at Movie Night (Pizza and Movie Night – A Flash) (5/23/2021)

Flash: Pizza and Movie Night Part 2

From the Internet Hive Mind

This appeared as a prompt for a Facebook writing group I’m part of – aim is 50 words, I went a little over. The instruction was include in your flash display(s) of affection which are not overtly sexual. I returned to my pizza couple, one of whom is asexual, both of whom motivated by food and entertainment. They were created in response to the meme asking, “well, what motivations exist other than sex?”

****

The last of the zombies fell apart sideways under Jae’s machete, transforming into a pile of gelatin-like goo and stark-white bones. Unlike last month’s zombie apocalypse, these bodies will not be going back to their resting places. No one would be identifying shit.

They shook off their blade while I considered my shotgun. I ran out of cartridges over an hour ago and had switched to bashing. I really needed to carry more ammo, replacing guns cut into my anime budget.

“Behind.” Jae whispered before wrapping their arms around me, leaning their head on my shoulder. With one hand they pushed down the mangled gun, and with the other they had their cell phone positioned so we could both see it. We had heard the all-clear song a lifetime ago, or maybe it was six minutes ago, according to the text time log.

They thumbed through the message giving details about what the Alpha mage team had accomplished, and what cleanup and fallout could be expected.

“You smell.” I whispered, nudging my head against their ear.

“Not all of us kill at a distance, hon.”

“Hey, does that say Gamma team nine is not assigned to cleanup until tomorrow?”

Jae purred against my shoulder. “Pizza and movie night back on?”

“I’m not looking forward to going into the shadow places and pulling out any gooey remains into sunlight for final disintegration, but I do believe our pizza and movie night is back on.” I stared down the street. We never made it to Pizza Guy and Fries; two cemeteries in route gummed up the works. But we stayed between the ground upchucking zombies and our favorite pizza place, so they should still be in business. “Let me check on Buster and his crew and place our order. You go home and shower and pick the movie.”

(words 306; first published May 30, 2022)

Pizza and movie night series
Pizza and Movie Night (2/21/2021)
Pizza and Movie Night Part 2 (3/7/2021)
Mop Up Part 1 (Pizza and Movie Night Part 3) (4/4/2021)
Mop Up Part 2 (Pizza and Movie Night Part 4) (4/18/2021)

Visitor at Movie Night (Pizza and Movie Night – A Flash) (5/23/2021)

Flash: Pizza and Movie Night

7726129 © Alexandros Chamilakis | Dreamstime.com

“Pizza and movie night!” Jae belly flops on the sofa beside me.

I nod happily, reaching for my phone to order when it buzzes with an incoming text and then an emergency alert. I’m afraid to look but swipe it out of habit.

*Zombie apocalypse*

I show it to Jae.

“Nooooo,” they moan rolling over to reach for their ever-present machete, “It was pizza night.”

“Maybe we can end it quick?” I said hopefully, walking over to where we store the sawed off shotguns.

“Let’s head to Pizza Guy and Fries first and make sure they are okay.”

Few things were more important to Jae than pizza, and if I was honest, me too, so I planned out the route in my head.

(first published 1/26/2021; words 123)

Pizza and movie night series
Pizza and Movie Night (2/21/2021)
Pizza and Movie Night Part 2 (3/7/2021)
Mop Up Part 1 (Pizza and Movie Night Part 3) (4/4/2021)
Mop Up Part 2 (Pizza and Movie Night Part 4) (4/18/2021)

Visitor at Movie Night (Pizza and Movie Night – A Flash) (5/23/2021)

Author Spotlight: Elisa Hansen

Book Cover from Amazon

Editing can be a long journey, and I started the journey with Elisa Hansen over a year ago when I first read her “The Company of Death” and told my boss at Falstaff Publishing I wanted the book. During that time we did a minor rewrite, a couple other editing passes, brought on new staff at the publisher, and dealt with bottlenecks in getting books out the doors into hands. Also during that time I got to know Elisa Hansen as a person. And she is a pretty awesome person.

On one hand, she is a vlogger about Vampires of all sorts. Check out her youtube channel “The Maven of the Eventide”. Wonderfully camping, she explores books and movies on this long-running vlog (four years and counting). If it has fangs, it is fang-tastic for her channel. (Also includes her announcement about this book.)

On another hand, she is a mother of a soon-to-be expanding family. Her present spawn is adorable in his madness, and I think present-parasite-soon-to-be-outside-body shall be equally entertaining in her ability to tear through the house faster than the progenitors. 

A third hand is devoted to her writing career, with the publication of her second book this week and working on other vlogs.

Want to get to know this awesome lady too? Her website is here. And her patreon is here. If you are into vampires and camp, I highly recommend her vlog. If you just want to dive into an urban fantasy about Death (not humor-oriented), check out her book on Amazon (and other outlets).

Flash: Zombie Stench

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Rating: Mature (language)

“Oh … god,” Dick moaned doubling over.

Vinny turned back to look for a second before continuing his visual sweep of the mall. “You okay, man?”

“You didn’t get bit or anything?” Sandi frowned. It was just the three of them now and she hated to have to shoot another friend. The guys were too squeamish, so executions fell to her.

“No, not bit.” Dick panted rapidly a few times before straightening enough to lean against the wall. “God, I shouldn’t have had those chili dogs.”

“First fresh food in days and you complain.” Sandi growled, checking the ammo levels in her pistols during the lull. She frowned before stuffing a couple bullets into her revolver; she didn’t remember firing it. “Whine, whine, whine.”

“This after screaming like a girl?” Dick snapped back.

“The zombie grabbed my boob, before I blew out his brains.” Satisfied everything was fully loaded, Sandi did one last tap check to verify everything was in place before bringing her carbine to ready. “Had to have been a mother-fucking perve in life. First one to go for the double Ds, most go for limbs.”

Vinny went over to his neighbor, running an eye over Dick. Leather jacket was covered in gore; black gloves, heavy jeans, and work boots they picked up yesterday were far from new now. Dick’s face was sweaty and pale, but his lips didn’t have the crusting.

“Vinny, I’m going to need more ammo soon.” Sandi reported as she took over the visual sweep.

Vincent served as the group’s de facto leader since Warren bit it, bit it in more ways than one. A loss since he was the only one in the neighborhood who had been in the military; sure he got kicked out of boot camp on a medical, but at least he walked them through basic weapon training and opened up his armory. Warren had really, really wanted to be part of the military. Vincent was a little shocked by how much fire-power had been located in his little suburban cul-de-sac.

Satisfied Dick would live — and not turn around and kill them — Vincent said. “Granger Mountain replaced the Macy’s a few months back. It’s on the west end.”

Sandi frowned; it was rapidly becoming the day-care worker’s natural expression. “That’s past the food court. If any zombies made it in, …”

“I know.” Vincent’s voice cracked with exhaustion.

Vincent and Dick joined Sandi at the pillar in front of the Hello Kitty store. It had been prime real estate, located at the juncture between an entrance and the main hall of the two-story mall. Across the way was a Barnes and Noble. Looking down the hall, the group could see the retail excess of mostly useless clothes.

They had debated retreating to the mall once their neighborhood had been overrun. They needed a place with supplies. The Super-Walmart was the best choice, if they hadn’t run into horde after horde. Seemed like Wally World was the store of choice for mindless zombies.

 The mall had an ethnic food market and an Aldi. The zombies would have eaten all the easily accessible food, if they were around, but the canned goods would be intact.

Taking the left side, a natural preference since he was left-handed, Vinny announced, “Clear.”

Sandi verified the right side. “Clear.”

“Dick, you know the way?”

“With three teenage daughters? The mall’s a second home.”  Dick moved into point, following the established pattern. As the oldest, and most out-of-shape, of the remaining group, they liked him to set the pace. He was also, surprisingly, the most accurate shot. After Warren and Cass … left … the sniper rifle fell to him.

Manikins moved in the shadows as they quick marched down through the unnaturally empty space. Other than their booted steps, the only sounds echoing were the high-pitched hum of lights and the motorized rumble of the escalator. Grimacing, Richard ran up the ramp between the half-levels. One fight on a staircase had been enough for a lifetime.

Shortly thereafter, the grand hall widened into the food court and, for the first time since entering the mall, sounds of human movement could be heard. They ducked into a short hall immediately before the food court. Sandi, the smallest and most agile of them, poked around the corner while Dick and Vinny checked the narrow passage.

“Fifteen or so, but they are at the McDonalds. Half of them in uniform,” Sandi whispered.

Vinny nodded. They had seen similar grouping behavior. “Most likely with whatever functions as their minds, they chose a familiar place.”

Sandi pulled back completely into the corridor. “If they are in a safe place, they won’t react as fast. We could blow by them quickly.”

“Good plan. Let’s move on three. One … Two …”

“Where the hell are you going Dick?” Sandi hissed through the count.

Dick continued walking down the hall. “I’ve pissed myself twice, damn if I am going to shit myself.”

Vinny turned to see Dick pushing open a door. “What the hell ARE you doing?”

“Taking a god-damn bathroom break.”

Vinny and Sandi stared at each other in shock after Dick disappeared into the restroom.

“Aberrant behavior.” Sandi muttered.

Vinny shook his head. “Usually aggressive, not stupid like this.”

“He has lost it.”

Vinny looked sadly down the mall’s utility passageway; crazy they didn’t need. “Agreed. So on three?”

They broke out, Sandi’s carbine and Vinny’s submachine gun shooting short bursts, running flat out for once, without Dick slowing them down. Turns out Sandi’s visual assessment was accurate, at least as far as she could see. The steakhouse tucked against the food court’s side, around the corner and invisible from the restroom alley, held a much larger group.

The multitude, many having name tags declaring a store and a no longer viable name, flooded the area. Even with the generous use of fire power destroying bodies and with zombies being distracted by the fresh meat, the two were unable to continue. As Vinny slammed in his last magazine, through unspoken agreement, the couple retreated to the last defendable position.

The zombies followed, through no more than two abreast could fit past the public phone. A few bounced off the wall mount, unable to process why they could go no further.

They needed another gun to get out. Vinny and Sandi pushed open the men’s room door.

“Oh shit! What is that?!?” Sandi said, covering her burning nose.

Vinny nearly puked. He had several days of zombie gore on him, and he never smelled anything this vile. The small room reeked.

“Nearly done guys,” came Dick’s bass from second stall. Farting and sounds of something half liquid being ejected followed. The sound was horrifyingly similar to the sound of Cass using the sledge hammer on zombies.

Speaking of zombies, a swinging door is not much of an obstacle, once the zombies knew it was a door. They followed, like the never-stopping horde of mindless creatures they were, they followed.

And stopped.

Mindless does not mean without senses.

Zombies actually have a very good sense of smell.

The zombies gagged.

Not something anyone would want to see, and REALLY not something anyone wanted to hear.

Then the zombies retreated.

Vinny froze in shock.

Sounds of Dick pulling up his jeans filled the silent tiled room.

Sandi yelled. “Dick, whatever you do – DO NOT FLUSH!!!!”

“Sandi, what the fuck are you doing in here?” Dick stepped out of the stall.

Vinny turned on the woman of the group, “And why not flush that putrid shit from hell? We are going to be stuck here for a while.”

Sandi, the bounding twenty-something, curvy, beautiful, perky, relentless blonde, the one which had driven all men nuts during the neighborhood block pool parties in her infinitesimal bikini, the only female to survive the five grueling days and nights since the first zombies came visiting, grabbed Dick by the ears, pulled down him down, and kissed him thoroughly on the lips.

“I love you!” she declared, releasing him. “You get chili dogs FOREVER.”

After that she laid down and curled around her carbine like a teddy bear.

Vinny and Dick stared at her. She, their mascot, their backbone, had gone mad.

Sandi cracked open an eye. “The zombies can’t stand the stench. They don’t understand things change. They are going to wait until we come out.”

The two men heads shook slightly side-to-side trying to follow her reasoning.

“Dudes, we can sleep.”

(words 1,417 – first published 9/17/2013, republished new blog format 7/1/2018)