Category: Flash

Editing Rant: As You Know Bob

Erin Penn 1 Comment

Image courtesy of the internet Hivemind

You know something is a common issue when TV Tropes has an entire section devoted to defining it and providing examples. “As you know, Bob…” has just such a section.

And still, it persists.

What exactly is an “As you know, Bob” moment? It’s when characters share information which is common knowledge to those involved but might be unknown to the reader. For example:

“As you know Bob, cell phones had a major jump in technology when microprocessors because atom sized.” Bob-two said in the traditional speech of the twentieth century.

Bob responded in the way of modern people *Yes, Bob-two, and then bioprogramming allowed us to integrate it into our DNA allowing us to have the appearance of telepathy if a visitor from the past should visit our space-faring culture.* (As you know bob – 67 words)

These two Bobs both know all of this, having received learned this information years ago. To have them talk about it makes no sense. And yet something along these lines happens all the time in books and television.

The challenge is how does a writer provide the information to the reader without doing a data dump or having a “As you know Bob” moment? How to show without telling?

The following ways are popular: (1) a school setting where background information is shared such as in this Firefly video where the background of colonization is taught to River Tam at the beginning of the Serenity movie. (2) a military briefing where everyone may or may not know all the details and the military is going to make sure everyone knows. (3) a data dump – sometimes you just got to go with informing the readers.

And the best option, integrate into the narrative. Imply and trust your reader.

“Bob, toss me the spanner will you?” Bob-two’s voice rasped from the strain of shouting over the machines.

*When are you going to give in and get the bio-app, you old fossil?* The maintenance apprentice sent to the external-bud the master guildsman had tucked into his ear. The younger man chucked the lightweight alumcarb spanner over.

Bob-two snatched it midair, ignoring the question, instead turning his attention to mechanism which required mechanic intervention. The thought of reprogramming his DNA gave him hives. (As you know bob-two – 83 Words)

WRITING EXERCISE: Create an “As you know Bob” scene of 100 words or less, then change it so it works without the lazy writing trope. Share the results below if you want.

Flash: Gynock (Part 3)

Erin Penn

Rating Mature

Gynock and his wife Destinee had a long history which didn’t come into play much during the game, but the original history the player had given me was rich. The obsession Moonblossom had laid upon him could only change his emotions, not his past. A past with a wife who was much more dangerous than he.

Part 3 starts with a window into their past, a flashback. When Gynock remembers the last time he saw his wife’s eyes turn into black murder.

She had been eight months preggers and he wasn’t getting any. At barely nineteen, this was the end of the world. He was passionately in love with Destinee, but she wouldn’t marry him, wasn’t interested in doing the deed and he was pretty sure she was going to cut out the moment she popped. His ex-comrade in-arms hated being clumsy, hated not being able to breathe, hated being stuck in one place and she was taking it all out on the cause of her discomfort, him.

And this pretty blond co-ed asked for extra lessons at his dojo. When the student locked lips with him, he just let his second brain do the thinking. They were in a compromising, but not too compromising position when Destinee had waddled into the dojo from the office where she worked as his secretary and was sleeping because it was too hard to walk up the steps to their flat. The only bathroom on this floor was in the foyer.

Her eyes flared black. The only time he had seen that look before, she had killed five men so fast he hadn’t even seen it happen. He was worried, but the girl didn’t know better and had all the confidence of someone new to the martial arts. “Oh, hi.” She purred.

“What do you think you are doing?” came the clipped, emotionless reply. It was as though death was talking.

“I’m getting private lessons.” And the undergrad stretched up from where they had fallen.

“Oh really, let’s see how it’s coming.” And motioned the girl to stand.

Gynock had stood hastily and tried to intercede. But before half a syllable had passed through his lips, the woman carrying his baby interrupted. “You’re next. Stand there.” And she pointed. After a half a lifetime with her as the Sensei, he obeyed automatically. He had been very young.

Then the graceless, short ball of human flesh proceeded to show the tall, lithe beauty just how little a yellow belt knows. Destinee limited all the moves she made to the martial form he had been teaching, which made the fight that more pitiful to watch, knowing the breadth of action the expert was capable of. Gynock felt very sorry for his student, but also felt pride in his woman. The girl didn’t have a single mark on her at the end of the bout, but would be aching for days. In the end, Destinee had the child in a submission hold. “Yes, I can see you need more lessons. I expect you back when we reopen next week.” She said in her third deadliest voice. The girl gulped and nodded quickly, getting the message.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Yes.” came the forceful whisper.

“Yes, Sensei.”

“Yes, Sensei.” came the voice stronger but shakier. Destinee let go the wrist and hand and the co-ed ran fled.

The girl did return, most likely terrified not to. Before she graduated from the local college, she had a first-degree black belt. Destinee participated in all of the girl’s classes, and even kept her for private lessons.

Facing the swinging door instead of the back of the room where he was located, Destinee said “Your turn.” The voice was now in its second deadliest mode.

Maybe he would have had a better showing if he hadn’t been trying to avoid damaging the fetus.

When Destinee checked him in the emergency room, she described each of his “suspected” injures with great confidence. That when he knew she had chosen every move she had used on him; he still had a lot to learn. Everything was healed by the time his daughter was born, but just barely.

He had had to get home from the hospital on his own. As his ribs were being taped, Destinee said she needed to finish working off steam and left. Four days later when his dislocated shoulder had healed enough for him to reopen the dojo, she had returned.

Looking angry and scared at the same time, she stated. “I am ready to get married.”

“Why?” he blurted out before he could stop it. He had been asked for a wedding ever since he discovered that she was pregnant. Master Damien had taught him to be honorable and take responsibility. She had been totally against it.

She shrugged, but it was more staged than nonchalant, and said “I find that I don’t want to lose you.” Not exactly a declaration of love, that didn’t come until years later, but close from someone who wanted no ties. They were wed before nightfall.

He never was officially told where she had gone to work off steam, but, according to the newspaper, the drug dealers in Houston had a short war during those same four days. Just over a score, in singles and pairs, had been alternately shot, sliced and beaten to death. Twenty-three men in their prime stalked by one pregnant woman who could barely walk. They never had a chance.

***

And now she was leaping at him, black eyed again. He instinctually summoned a shadow cloud and sidestepped, dropping into obscurity. She twisted in midair and hit him low across the knees unbalancing him. The swords kept his back from flexing properly to take the blow and remain standing so he fell hard to the ground. The hellcat and him tumbled a bit, until he actually got her in a hold that she couldn’t break. It was the first time ever that he had won a sparring match and not felt she had gone easy on him. For a long time, he had had an advantage with size and strength, but her dexterity and real-world experience made her slightly better. The ring had changed that equation. His eyes slowly moved their way down from the dangerous hands he just captured, stopping a moment at the small tattoo of a dagger she had on the inside of her left arm just below the bend of the elbow and coming to rest on the ebony eyes.

He took the prize they normally exchanged at the end of a match, and leaned down to kiss her. That shifted his grip enough that she freed herself, and the battle was restarted only with a new tension.

After exhausting himself and her, he dropped the useless shadows. Then it hit him, how he betrayed the goddess with this vixen. Pushing the wench off of him, he rolled over and vomited. As the few contents of his stomach traveled back up the route that they had entered his body, he started prayfully apologizing under his breath for this betrayal.

Destinee forcibly rolled him back, her eyes now filled with concern, not anger. “What’s wrong?”

“You raped me and I didn’t stop you.” He muttered, ashamed at his weakness.

She jerked back as though he slapped her. “You were enjoying it as much as I a moment ago.”

“No, …. maybe,” he said, “brainwashing from when I was a kid.”

She looked at him a little longer, horror, anger and caring all dancing across her face. “Right.” With that she grabbed his coat from the floor, and headed out the door putting her bare arms into the too-long sleeves. The tails and chain dragged on the floor behind her. Knowing how quickly she moved once she made a decision, and fearful for his love’s life, he grabbed his pants and followed her through the progressively brighter areas. Fortunately the residential quarters were all at reduced night lighting.

He caught up with her shorter legs when she arrived at the Pit, the great open area where the secretarial pool was located. Corridors sprayed out around the room leading to the different units. “What are you doing?” he asked.

Advancing on the door that was located just behind her work desk, she answered “I am going to find out what that witch did to you.” Since she wasn’t continuing to the prisoner area, he relaxed a little.

“How?” he asked.

“Research, idiot” came the angry words. And she sat in Ethan’s chair and started warming up his computer. As a precaution he entered the room with her, in case she decided to have a more direct approach later. He had to protect his love, but wasn’t certain even after that last battle if he could take the trained assassin. After all she hadn’t tried any killing moves on him, she still was holding back. He sat in the chair he had been debriefed in a few hours before and put on his jeans. “You too,” she ordered, “Get your portable and pull everything we have on that Thing.”

(words 1,441; first published 7/12/2020)

Flash: Be Ninja Part Two – First Attempt

Erin Penn

Photo by Chris Moore on Unsplash

Stuck between brainiac money boy Able Bykowski and druggie Cooper don’t-call-me-by-my-first-name-or-I’ll-hit-you did not promise a good start to this assembly, but what are you going to do during Ms. Niederhauser’s and her OCD everything in alphabetical order English class when your name is Carnegie? At least the freshman and sophomores had finished sitting. We would be next loading into the all-purpose room bleachers; I saw the Seniors start forming ranks on the other set of doors into the large area. They would be last in and first out.

Vice Principal Hargraves managed to get the first two classes properly loaded into the seating section across where the freshman sat neatly at attention. Then chaos started as the jocks, money, brains, and all the other cliques started self-sorting. When I got in, I walked up the metal seats to the top where theatre grabbed space. We are really bad at being in audiences, especially for the bi-annual Be Swell and Tell assemblies. The announcement had only been to report to assembly, but it’s the first week back from winter holidays, and only the BSAT assemblies aren’t announced in advanced.

Once firmly ensconced at the highest spot with my techies pals, I surveyed the large room, watching as the sophomores finally got the clue that the teachers were not in charge and started shifting around. One or two tried to keep order, but for the most part they just made sure mayhem remained at low levels. I noticed Cooper slipping through the seats to the open area underneath to join his group. He really needed to be more careful, at some point he will be too noticeable not to report.

I kicked myself for like the millionth time for pulling that Ninja trick while working pizza during break. If someone noticed and reported, but it didn’t happen, but it could have. I gripped the metal seat either side of me, then relaxed my fingers before I dented something. I breathed in and out.

Romeo dropped down beside me as the Seniors came up. His real name is Liam, but he is the best actor in the school. Grabbed the Romeo role as a freshman, transferring in from homeschooling. Brains, money, jock, and theatre. He was the whole package. Actors do hang with the tech, but they are the row under us, not beside. I raise an eyebrow.

“Hey Aster, right?” His voice could paint the walls in layers when on stage.

I nodded, well past the crushing stage with him, unlike everyone else in the school. My job has been for the last two and a half years to keep him in the light, and the boy likes to chew scenery. He moved constantly. Too many nights getting mark after mark straight. He’s easy to look at, but when you have to come back to school after working delivery, the awe factor wears away.

“You know Sophia, right?”

I glanced across at the sophomore area, where the theatre group managed to tuck themselves into the ledge beside the (score light area – need word). Sophia’s black hair was wrapped into two braids around her head like a crown. “Yeah, she does sound.”

“Do you know if she is, like, dating anyone?”

I did a double-take. Romeo didn’t date, not with his schedule. On top of being in the top five students, and lettering in three different sports, and being in theatre, he also had at least two service gigs to look good on his college forms. “Um, I think her parents are very religious and not letting her date yet. I think I remember her complaining about that.”

His shoulders fell.

“You interested? I mean, tech finds a way.” It’s a saying we have, props, sets, lights, sound, costume. If the play or musical needs it, we will find it.

“Well, maybe, not really.” He looked to where the principal and vice principals were gathering by one door. The assembly would be starting soon. “Mom said I need to go to the prom and I should go with someone I won’t be embarrassed to be in a picture with. Someone that has a future.”

Someone not a cheerleader, which would be the first option, or an actress, the second option, of Senior girls he would be rubbing elbows with. His parents were pieces of work.

Sophia’s father was Representative Ricci, and her mother was the chair of the City Council. Her grandparents had a park and a downtown building named after them. Her future was wrapped and bow-tied. Thing is she is also a nice girl and a hard worker. I wanted to hate her a little, my future including questions like if the parents will make rent this month, but I couldn’t. Luck of the draw, you know?

(words 796 – first published 9/18/2022)

Flash: Be Ninja

Erin Penn

Acquired from the internet

Working late night pizza shift is interesting. The 12:21 am request gave me a challenge, but fortunately my parents always stored a ton of masks in the car from the COVID days, like a pandemic might break out at any moment over a decade later.

I pulled down the stocking cap against the cold and pulled up the mouth protection mask / neck garter. The electric car idled silently, wanting for the key to be back within its four-doors.

Five tween boys, and one very harassed male teenager who looked very much like two of the others, quietly answered the door after I tapped on the window. The buy-two-and-get-one-free special would not make it to morning with that lot.

The truly fun part was teleporting back to the car while they were busy juggling the pizza after I took it out of the insulated bags. My ability to hear the space I just left for ten minutes after a teleport made it perfect. I waved from the car before pulling out as the ten-year-olds muttered “Ninja” in awe.

(words 178; first published 4/30/2022 – created from Facebook writing group prompt)

Flash: Rules

Erin Penn

Acquired from the internet hive mind

“Karen at 10.” Brad glanced at his co-worker, whose unfortunate name actually was Karen, though her hairstyle and tattoos (carefully covered by the company shirt) indicated her rebellion against the establishment and its rules. “When you turn forty, do the hair saloons automatically start cutting your hair that way?”

(words 49, first published 3/28/2022, from a FB word prompt (Rules) for a writing group I belong to)