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Editing Rant: Male Gaze or Empowerment?

Photo by Dalton Smith on Unsplash

Right. So, is this manuscript I am editing awash with male gaze or empowerment?

What used to be empowerment in the 60s and 70s, an acknowledgment of a woman controlling her own sexuality and its presentation, has been turned on its head and now is seen as the male gaze.

Is the woman not wearing her bra because those contraptions hurt or because it’s time to show titties on the screen or page?

I think this manuscript could have worked even as late as the 80s, but times have changed, and the older writers and editors need to be aware of this. For heaven’s sake, READ GENRE from the last three years, not forty years ago.

Best way to explain the male gaze vs. empowerment discussion is by using two recent superhero movies: Wonder Woman (filmed by a woman) vs. Black Widow (in the Avengers filmed by a man).

Women have commented on their love of Wonder Woman landing and having her legs jiggle (not her boobs). Our heroine just goes in and gets things done. And when in combat, at least, the high heels get tossed out for combat boots.

Black Widow goes in and gets things done too, but the camera strokes her in a totally different way. Most people remember Black Widow in the Avengers scene with her tied to a chair. Yes, she is kick-ass, but it’s also her tied up and in heels, starts with a phone call and a high camera shot while she is seated. Avengers gets better once she gets into her leather armor fighting suit …. well, sort-of … not like it is an ACTUAL catsuit, even with the front unzipped to show off cleavage and she is shown in profile a lot for the boobs. I won’t start about the long hair in a combat specialist usually worn lose.

Oh.w.a.i.t.

Since she was trained to use sex as a weapon so it is all okay. It is empowering to females.

Suuurrreee, it can be considered “empowering” but who is the director trying to kid?

That is male gaze.

In this manuscript, the female main character is both a ninja and geisha – basically a Black Widow. Brought onboard the space ship and into a culture “far in advance” of her own (colonialism much?), she is expecting to have sex with those around her, but they are all Proper Men Who Would Never Take Advantage.

They do have drooling and wolf whistle issues (I’m not joking).

To her question of “do you need to use me as a geisha here?” when dealing with political situations, the male love interest is constantly answering “no, you don’t have to have sex with anyone”. It’s a running joke to the point of Kindergarten’s Cop “It’s not a TUMOR!” invasiveness (ha-ha, cue laugh track as a woman bows and asks for punishment through sex for angering the man).

The men around them are constantly going “why did anyone damage a beautiful GIRL this badly”. Clearly they are not the Horrible Types that did this to her (though they go to joy-houses where they can take advantage of this, but that only happened Before They Knew Her).

The secondary female character has been captured by the enemy and is under constant Threat of Rape by the Horrible Men.

Can you guess what happens when the two female character get together for the first time and are completely alone? Of course, we get a lesbian sex scene.

Did I mention the male love interest is married? But his wife is a shrew and cheats on him, so his interest as a forty-something man in the nineteen-year-old ninja-assassin he Rescued is totally acceptable.

All the women in this SCIENCE FICTION story have been raised and taught to use sex as a tool.

So empowering. (sarcasm font)

Note that this is a science fiction manuscript, not an erotica, not even being sold for its romantic elements.

I guess the best way to really capture why this is male gaze is the wash scene. The male is in water up to his neck and is the first to become aware of the other. The female is stretching and leaning over, half out of the water. The woman when she realizes she is not alone feels SAFER because a potential PROTECTOR is near. (Not a voyeur, secretly watching her, intentionally or unintentionally.)

It took me a moment to figure out if this is male gaze since they are both undressed and in the water, but then I realized we never “see” the male be naked or viewed sexually on the page during that scene, only the woman.

This continues throughout the manuscript.

I have a couple worse examples, but … and here is the sad thing … anything else would identify the book once it is published. EVERYTHING ABOVE IS SO COMMON, you might run across it in a dozen science fiction stories – books, television, movies, anime. In fact you already have again and again if you like science fiction. Think Firefly Inara as a companion, Fifth Element Leeloo needing love for activation (and as little clothes as possible), …

Hey – you, sci-fi writers. Update your tropes. You are embarrassing yourselves with how dated you are. Push the envelope forward, not backward.

Flash: Against the Sky

Photo by Hassan Sherif on Unsplash

Rufus Orion Zerafshan showed up on time the day after Skyfall went black. As a middle manager in the recruitment and training department for Vella Utilities, his job wasn’t essential to the emergency but his particular job hadn’t been exempted from the blanket order of everyone report. He figured a day of shuffling paper in a heated office wouldn’t be a bad way to celebrate the success of his rebel cell group while everyone else ran around trying to get the power back on that they had taken down.

He had pulled it off. Nearly five years work to create the network needed. The big break happened sixteen months ago when the Home-at-Last terrorist attack showed the weakness in the grid. Then grooming and recruiting Taurus and Virga took another five months. With them in hand, the rest had fallen like dominoes.

Now he had proven himself. Make an impact, Scorpio had ordered. Have the city feel the grip of terror. Mission accomplished. Promotion within the organization should follow. Establishing a group raised him out of the general pool to middle management. Maybe next he could get an office with a window.

Rufus pressed the sensor under his name, smiling again at having his name with a permanent desk, and the door to his office slid open. “Scorp—” he cut himself off.

The man sitting at his desk said, “Close the door.”

Rufus slapped the inside sensor, then set it to private. “Is it…” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “safe for you to be here?”

Scorpio sat forward, his black Vella security uniform collar displaying two pips of a low-level patrolman. “Today no one is asking any questions of where security can and cannot be, thanks to you.” He gestured to the singular chair Rufus had in front of his desk for supplicants wanting to be hired into utilities.

The plastic molded seat had no comfort to its form deliberately, but Rufus sat quickly.

“No one will hear anything.” Scorpio touched a small box in the center of the desk. “Report.”

“Sir, it went off exactly as planned. What I submitted on Second-Day is exactly what happened.”

“I believe I told you to back off the Avery, compromising only one of their substations.”

“I’m sorry sir, but Taurus had infiltrated them first. Those devices have been in place since the summer, and the cell would have questioned if I told them not to attack Avery. The only way Vella remained untouched is by me lying about improvements being made to our internal security systems.”

Scorpio leaned back. “I didn’t realize the devices had been in place so long. You hadn’t indicated that. Weren’t you worried about them being found?”

“Virga is an artist, no one would suspect anything. And, sir, you did say to keep my reports to a bare minimum.” Rufus rocked back and forth to keep his butt from numbing. “Cell security. ‘You are an essential ingredient in our ongoing effort to reduce Security Risk.’ – Kirsten Manthrone. You said, the less people know the better.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?” Scorpio squeezed his fist tight enough the mysu-leather crackled. “Well, you did amazingly well and we will need to throw a couple of sacrifices to the Christians newsies before the hunt gets too deep. Where are Virga and Taurus and how soon can you arrange another meeting?”

Rufus jerked, a light flush rising against his skin. “Sir, I followed the plan. If successful, I dissolved the cell.”

“But you still have a way to get in contact with them?” Scorpio leaned forward. “Don’t you?”

“I mean, I still have Virga’s contact information somewhere in the … no, she helped me delete all connections between me and the others.” The ex-cell leader shook his head. “I think I remember where she lives, maybe. Somewhere in the New Hope Projects. She had scored exceptional during the vo-tech testing in third grade and became a gifted-potential.”

“And Taurus?”

“Leo hired him to move something and suggested I tap him for delivery connections.” Wiggling in the steadily more uncomfortable chair he had plucked out from the catalog for just this feeling, but never thinking he would be one in the seat, Rufus continued, “He was a dayworker for the Greens organic foods. I never learned where he lived. Perfect for cell security.”

“How about their names?”

“Virga and Taurus.”

Scorpio scoffed. “No, their real names.”

“I don’t remember.”

The security’s officer fist pounded the table, making everything on it jump. “You’ve been working with them for a year, and you don’t know their real names?”

“No sir, cell security.” Rufus leaned forward. “You said to keep everything as isolated as possible and I did. I did everything you told me to. No names, not ever.” Rufus actually knew both their names, where they lived, and their family connections, but rules were rules and Scorpio didn’t need to know he could reassemble the cell if he needed to. Because if he betrayed his people, Scorpio would think he would also be willing to betray him and Rufus didn’t think he would survive that. Better to appear to be an idiot that follows the procedures than a potential leak.

“Fuck.” Scorpio stood, circling the desk.

Rufus rose to meet him. The office barely had space for two men standing.

Gripping the rebel by the shoulder, the security officer asked, “You sure? The dogs are yelping for blood and tossing them some bones could save a lot of trouble.”

“Sir, I’m loyal. I do what I’m told.” Rufus looked as earnest as possible. “I did everything asked. We did a great work. ‘Individuals do not create rebellions; conditions do.’ – H. Rap Brown. These are the perfect conditions. The FirstLanders have to listen to our needs.”

“A rebel to the end.” Scorpio frowned. “We really could use more like you in this world Rufus.”

The manager stood a little taller under the grip of the other. “Thank you sir.”

“Too bad you died resisting arrest.”

A blast blew through Rufus’ belly and traveled part-way into the next office. The Vella security officer sent a second blast through the other man’s head, destroying the brain casing to keep any Pisces psychics from looking for evidence where they shouldn’t.

(words 1,045; first published 1/7/2024)

When the Stars Align series

  1. When the Stars Align (12/24/2023)
  2. Against the Sky (1/7/2024)

Magical Words: Plot vs Premise

Photo by Vale Zmeykov on Unsplash

Tax season has started, so today is short and sweet. “Distinguishing between Plot and Premise” by NYT bestselling author Carrie Ryan, posted to Magical Words on April 2, 2012.

What is Plot and what is Premise – and are you confusing the two?

As magicalwords.net seems to have been removed after remaining up for half a decade, let me summarize the post for you.

Premise is short. Someone asks you “What is your story about?”, and you break out your elevator pitch. Let’s use Above the Crowd as the example. “Aliens kidnap Earth women as a reward for battle/sport entertainment slaves, but the women are not docile nor happy to remain as slaves.”

Plot is more a synopsis, the series of events creating the book arc. How the women feel waking up, the men choosing their women, the women discovering their purpose and going “all the nope”, both of them adjust to each other and falling in love, both of them sneaking the new tech for eventual escape, the aliens reacting, etc.

You need to know the distinction between premise and plot, as you might fall in love with a premise, but it just doesn’t work as a story – the premise goes nowhere.

Make sure, when you write, you don’t just have a wonderful world-building fact, but a story to build around it.

Find out, you may be able to hunt down the Magical Words post in one of those “we save the entire internet” sites – URL used to be

Book Review: Knight Errant (Knights of the Flaming Star Book 1)

Amazon Cover (for audiobook)

Knight Errant (Knights of the Flaming Star Book One) by Paul Barrett and Steve Murphy

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON

Some days your past just won’t stay buried, not even among the stars….

The Knights of the Flaming Star are an elite space mercenary company, one of the best in the business, no matter which star system you’re in. But when an old friend turned arch-nemesis lays a careful trap for them, their leader Hawk falls right into it.

Well, he never could resist a pretty face. Or a good fight. And now he’s got both.

The Knights go from one end of known space to the other hunting down the people who are trying to smear their good name, chase down the folks that want to kill them, and maybe. Just maybe, bury the ghosts of their past once and for all.

Knight Errant is the first book in the thrilling space opera series Knights of the Flaming Star from rising stars Steve Murphy and Paul Barrett. With a Firefly-style band of lovable misfits and Star Wars-level action, Knight Errant is a rollicking space adventure story for a new generation.

 

MY REVIEW

A multiplanet ranging space opera with long-standing feuds, cyber-wear addicts, sleek spaceships, and mustard-eating aliens. Following the Knights of the Flaming Star as they do good provided a delightful couple days of reading.

Fun, if a little predictable to people who love this genre. One of the things I liked best is the good guys have to break into places quietly several times and not once were the obstacles they face the same – Everything from animals to old-fashion mechanical barriers, guards to locks. Great problem-solving!

I did find the cyber-magic a lot overpowerful and hope the next book has bad guys with these abilities. Superman needs to face off Superman. On the other hand, the equation magic is really, really cool!!!

New Year 2024

Photo by Scottsdale Mint on Unsplash

Happy leap year – 2024.

Twenty-three was better to me than the two previous years and I hope the climb continues.

My various jobs and the writing, especially during NaNoWriMo 2023, have been the best I have had in years. Even editing worked out.

There is still plenty of room for improvement. So much room.

I would like to reestablish and keep the 500 words per day goal, as well as maintaining this blog up-to-date since I used NaNoWriMo 2023 to catch up on it. I plan on continuing the TikTok and also read #24for24 like I did #23for23 – reading 24 BIPoC books for 2024.

The big thing is leveraging my ability to FINALLY write longer works into actual publishable materials this year.

With the year of the Dragon just around the corner (February 10th), this is the year for beginnings and prosperity.