Image acquired without permission from (multiple) Facebook postings
Published March 2, 1972 – Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz
Peanuts comic can be found here: http://www.peanuts.com/
(I could not find link to original strip on the website.)
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Editing Rant: Copper Pennies
Image Courtesy of Gualberto107 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What do your characters know?
So last editing rant I went off about Know Your Topic. You don’t want to lose readers because you presented parasailing or embroidery incorrectly. If you don’t know the topic find someone who does: topic experts, beta readers, at least a research librarian whom you are keeping in chocolates and coffee.
Equally important be aware of what you character knows.
This isn’t limited to the more common Point of View (POV) main character (MC) limitations; you may know character B dyed her hair yesterday, but MC doesn’t know yet so describes character B as a blonde. Don’t get me wrong, as an author making certain you only let your MC work from the information known to them rather than to you as the writer is essential. And challenging.
But you also need to limit them on what they are familiar with. Having a twenty-fourth century engineer know how to use a twentieth century keyboard to input information into a computer system is improbable.
Or a twenty-something person forty years after the zombie Apocalypse comparing the scent of blood to new pennies. Yes, this is a common comparison to the point of being clique. But someone born after coins stopped being minted isn’t likely to know what new pennies smelled like.
A person who has never seen the shore would not understand what the salty breeze meant.
Someone who had never been off a spaceship isn’t only going to be shocked by no sky – no walls is as big an issue. And the ship isn’t breathing. Could they even sleep at night? No mechanical noise means “we are all about to die”. How long does it take for the panic to wear off?
Back to the Smell of Blood – as an editor I couldn’t rewrite the line about new pennies. But I did find an article on the scent of blood. If you are describing lycanthropes, vampires, or just have splashes of blood throughout your manuscript you may want to follow the link to Writeworld – “Describing the Smell of Blood”. (AMENDMENT on 10/24/2019 (original post 11/8/2016) – The link for the Writeworld article is now dead. Search on “describing the smell of blood”, there are a lot of resources now.)
(sigh) … And it is research like this that puts writers on watch lists.
WRITING EXERCISE: Create a scene (500 words or less) where your WIP character describes a common day item on your desk s/he is not familiar with and what the actions are taken to discover its use.
Flash: Lonely on the Road
Image Courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Rating: Mature
Twisting the wrench yielded no results, so Kelly kicked the rental’s tire and walked along the berm cursing herself, her uncharged phone, and, most especially, Jim. She adjusted her purse’s shoulder strap after tucking the wrench inside and headed north along the isolated highway. The last exit was 5 miles back, the next exit was promised to be only 3 miles forward.
Why had she decided to surprise Jim? Sure his corporate construction job kept him away a month at a time wherever a new facility needed building, but the weekends he came home were magical. With the long weekend, she had thought to bring the magic to him.
Well, the surprise was on her. She had known he shared rooms with other guys to cut costs. But she hadn’t known he had shared his bed. Her mind’s eye briefly flashed a picture of the two men she found wrestling in his unlocked bedroom. Two suntanned muscular bodies naked and humping madly.
For a second her imagination added her between the males. Okay, a threesome was her favorite masturbation fantasy.
But the point was Jim was cheating on her! He could have told her he was bi and she could have handled it. Loved to have handled it. Since hooking up with him, she had been monogamous. For three years she had been with only one man; it was kind-of creepy after nicks she had put into her bedpost before they had gotten together. Keeping faithful though didn’t mean she hadn’t looked or wanted more. Kelly could have provided him all sorts of suggestions for male booty calls.
Focus. Cheating. Doesn’t matter if it is male or female, it is still cheating.
Behind her a car beeped. Kelly turned around to see Jim’s beatup pickup pulling over, scattering the gravel. She gave him the single finger salute while he unbuckled and continued walking away.
His long legs ate up the distance. “Kelly wait! Damn it, I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean anything. Wait, Kelly.” He got a little ahead and started walking backwards in front of her. “I didn’t want you to find out that way.”
“So how did you want me to find out?” Kelly stopped to save all her breath to yell at him.
Jim stopped too, scratching the back of his head. His jeans hung low, showcasing his six-pack and a little more. He hadn’t bothered to grab a shirt before following her, or put on shoes. That gravel had to hurt.
“Actually, never,” he admitted.
“Finally something honest!”
He looked hurt. “I’m always honest.”
“Except about sleeping around,” Kelly accused.
“Umm, I never lied about it, I just never mentioned it.”
She closed the distance to hiss up into his face. “The truth, the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth.”
Pushing his chest she demanded “What? Am I suppose to have you swear on a stack of bibles every time you came home?!!”
Muscle-bound ape that he was, her push didn’t rock him, but he took a step back from her fury anyway. “…No?” he responded, clearly hoping it was the right answer.
“Damn right, no.” Kelly pushed her hair back so she could look up and watch his face while she stood toe-to-toe. She kept encroaching into his space. “A relationship is about trust. I don’t care how much I love you, but if I can’t trust you – we got nothing.”
She stepped around him and started stomping north again. “Kelly, don’t be this way,” he begged trotting after her. “It doesn’t mean anything.” He grabbed her arm to stop her.
“So how long have you been sleeping with him?” Kelly turned back to him to stare him in the eye. “And don’t lie to me now – I will wash your briefs with the red towels.”
His mouth stopped half-way opened. He closed it a second, sighed, and admitted. “Luis and I have been bunkmates for about nine months now.”
“Bunkmates?” Kelly laughed harshly. “Is that what they call it now? … And who was before him.”
“I don’t know, Carlo, maybe.” Jim shrugged. “I don’t really keep track.”
Her eyes grew round. They had started trying for a child a year ago.
“Oh, no, no. Sweetheart, I always use a condom, and I get tested twice a year. I ain’t stupid.”
“Could have fooled me,” she said icily, putting her hands on her hips. “So do you only cheat on me with guys?”
He stood up straighter, looking indigent. “I’ve never cheated on you. Not ever. Yeah, I sleep with guys, but I don’t love them or anything. It’s just sex. And loneliness, a whole lot of loneliness when you are not around.”
Kelly rolled her eyes. “Been saving that one up?”
“Nope, just kind-of came to me,” Jim smiled boyishly. “Good though, right?”
Damn, why did she have to love him so much. “Yep, that was pretty good. … Only guys, right?”
“You are the only girl for me. In fact, …” He yanked the back of his jeans up and down a bit before kneeling in front of her. “Will you marry me?”
In his hands was a dark blue velvet box. He opened it to reveal a Marzin cut diamond surrounded by a rainbow of precious smaller gems.
She looked at the box, then him kneeling in gravel, then at the box again. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“No joke. I made the last payment yesterday. Been working on buying it since we started this project and saw it at the mall.” Smiling hopefully he added, “I’m glad fate let me have it available at the right time.”
“That is another great line Jimbo.” Kelly sighed as she gently closed the box in his hands. “But until we work out other things, this will have to wait.”
Jim sagged. “So you are leaving me?”
“I didn’t say that either.” She offered him an arm to help him stand. “Let’s go back to the hotel. I want to meet this Luis and we can all have a good talk.”
(words 1,009- first published 5/7/2013; republished new blog format 11/06/2016)
Other Cool Blogs: Magical Words June 25, 2012
Image courtesy of DigitalArt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Helpful Advice in Editing
If everything is going as I hope it will (I am writing this in June), I am elbows deep in NaNo again. I wanted all the blog postings prepped so I can concentrate on writing, therefore I went through the Magical Words archives. There I ran across Carrie Ryan’s obscurely titled post “Not that … but that”.
It’s on editing. The very thing I am trying really hard not to do. It’s a NaNo no-no during November…and my biggest weakness to meet the word counts.
When editing others, I’ve made a lot of tough calls. Should I provide another possible word or just tell the author to find a new word? Do I say information seems to be missing or do specifically state what I want added? If there is a hole, do I point out the hole (example: primary love interest is passive) or provide the author the shovel to fix the hole (example: add another love interest to fight)? In one case, I may be stepping on the author’s voice and creativity, and, in the other case, I work with a lot of new authors who are having enough headaches being edited I find giving vague solutions is more of a problem than a help. Should I provide both then – but editing is always on a tight schedule, most of the time I can only write one line and move on.
I love the “a-ha” moment Ms. Ryan shares on her first editing feedback. The editor tells her to add something which ended up sounding really strange to her, until she asked the editor “What problem does <making this change> fix?” Once she knew what the problem was, she was able to fix the issue her own way.
If you attend critique groups as a participant, receive editing feedback, or review beta reads, (as reader, editor, or writer) I highly recommend this blog. Again the link is here: http://www.magicalwords.net/carrie-ryan/not-that-but-that/
Second takeaway from the blog – don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. Stand up for yourself. That is not to say fight your editor, but remember to be a participant in the partnership to make your book better.
And if you are participating in NaNo – good luck!
WRITING EXERCISE: Specifically approach someone you trust to be honest and ask them to beta read, critique, or edit something you wrote (at least 500 words and no more than 3,000), letting them know you are using this for practice of the editing process. After taking a day or two to look over their responses and get over the grief stage (see blog here on critique grief), practice asking for clarification without confrontation. Once completing the clarification portion, ask for feedback from your reviewer on how you did.
READING EXERCISE: Read a short story and write a critique or edit the story. Set it aside for two days. Come back and now pretend to be the author. Where do you think the author would like clarification on your critique.
Book Review: Seraphs (Rogue Mage #2)
Book Cover from Amazon
BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON
Seraphs (Rogue Mage #2) by Faith Hunter
Living among humans in a post- apocalyptic ice age, neomage Thorn St. Croix is a source of both fear and fascination for the people of Mineral City, and now she faces her ultimate test.
Deep under the snow-covered mountains beyond the village, an imprisoned fallen seraph desperately needs her help. There, hidden in the hellhole, the armies of Darkness assemble to ensure this subterranean rescue will be Thorn’s final descent?
MY REVIEW
I started in the middle with “A Rogue Mage” series by Faith Hunter. I read Seraphs before reading Bloodring. And this book isn’t *quite* standalone. Took me 4 to 6 chapters to understand most of the language of the world and the people and what happened previously.
But that is okay – the opening lines are “Claws gripped my throat, shutting off my air …” And so we begin another novel by Mrs. Hunter – in the middle of things and continuing into a non-stop ride of urban fantasy adventure with just enough character development bits to catch a breath while the tension cranks you to the top of the next hill of the roller coaster. Then the bottom drops out again, and the curves are slamming you side to side with action and plot twists.
I have read a couple of the Jane Yellowrock stories. I am liking this story much better, and I liked those stories just fine.
The religious themes innate to this post-apocalyptic world may bother some readers, but are they also add so many layers to the world-building. Ahh, just figured out why I like this series more than Jane Yellowrock – it required a lot more world-building, and I just love a good world-building.