Flash: I’m not your maid

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“I’m not your maid.” They said in unison, the young male on his knees after turning off the vacuum and his new girlfriend standing above him, he with a bitterness and frustration marring his usual calm and her likewise.

“My house, my rules,” Charlie said crossing her arms.

“This is some kind of bullshit.” Silas pushed the canister of the vacuum away before standing. “I’ve never had to clean before in my life.”

“How the hell did you keep your apartment clean? Did your mom come over every week?”

“Of course.” He didn’t even look ashamed.

“Oh.my.god. Did you make her pack your lunches and prep your dinners too?”

“She loves doing it. The dinners, not the lunches. I just buy whatever.” Silas said, confusion finally setting in. “Why wouldn’t she do it?”

Pinching her nose, Charlie bowed her head, defeat creeping into her voice. “Please tell me you at least know how to do the laundry.”


“Change your oil.”


“Mow the lawn.”

“We hired them.”

“And do you have the money to pay for all of that for me, now that you moved in?” she asked.

“Well, my mom doesn’t really like you, so she’s cut back on my allowance.”

“Your allowance,” Charlie’s voice deadened, shocked she didn’t know about this before she gave him the key. “Your parents give you an allowance. I thought you had a job.”

“I do, of course I do… it just isn’t enough for everything.”

“Everything?” Her voice sharpened as it rose. “What is everything?”

“You know,” he waved his hands around, “stuff. All the stuff.”

“Jesus Christ on Toast, have you ever had a budget in your life?”

“No, why would I need that? I make like seventy grand a year.”

Charlie threw out her hands. “And you still need an allowance from your mom?”

“Sure, she loves helping me.”

“How much do you get from her a month?”

“I don’t know, maybe two thousand?” Silas shrugged.

“You need about half-again what you already make to break even? Do you have any savings?”

“No, why would I need any? I’m the only kid.” Silas sat down on the couch. “I get everything.”

“You know, I don’t have time to teach you how to adult, and I am really, really sorry you moved in, I cannot tell you how sorry I am about that, but at least you haven’t unpacked. Let’s get you back to your mom’s house and get you back on that allowance.” Charlie started pushing his boxes to the apartment door. “And next time, I think you need to lead with the fact you don’t know any basic life skills. Maybe you will be lucky, I’m sure some women out there like to take care of men like your mother does, but I’m not one of them. And get therapy, some good therapy.”

(words 475; first published 11/20/2023 – written for a Facebook group. Aim is 50 words.)