Flash: Date a Necromancer

Image courtesy of Somkiat Fakmee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.”

My cat looks up at me. “Merp?”

“No, not you.” I pick up Agent Tom and pet his stripped fur. “I want all the mice to be dead and birds to stop shitting on my car. You are perfect.” I kiss his head and brush my cheek against the top of his head while staring daggers at my boyfriend.

Looking up from his textbook, Nathan holds his spoon halfway between his bowl of cereal and his mouth, dripping milk. “What?”

I glare at the severed hand on the waxpaper and the intestines in the mason jar sitting on my side of the table and then back at him.

He finishes putting the spoon in his mouth, chews, and swallows. “What?”

“Oh for the love of G– clean up after yourself!” I let Agent Tom escape my arms before turning to get the hot bread out of the toaster. Muttering under my breath, I butter the toast. “Date a necromancer, my mom says. People are always dying, he will never be out of a job, she says. No mention of the…” I switch to a much louder voice, “…constant body parts just dropped everywhere!”

I drag my chair to his side of the table and shove his book aside to make room for my toast and grapefruit.

“Wait, what, …” Nathan moves the textbook before the shift flips the pages. “… Anita, give me a second.”

I roll my eyes, but let him move things without any further intervention, though the body parts on the other side of the table remain in place. “Idiot.” I accuse him affectionately.

“Psycho,” he replies, giving me a half-smile and nudging my leg with his before going back to his studies. Finals are in two weeks.

(words 301; first published 3/15/2020)