Editing Rant: Filtered

Photo by Grace Ho on Unsplash

I don’t have the bandwidth today to do a deep dive into this. I had been thinking about saving Filtering for a writing exercise, but I’m just done at the moment. No brain left, so here goes words to rip out of the manuscript.

First draft (or zero draft, however you count), you will write a lot of “he saw”, “I felt”, “she heard,” letting a reader know what the point of view (POV) character witnessed. You might even see a lot of this in my fiction writing here on the blog, since I post mostly flashes – which means first draft stuff.

Anyway, during the second draft these need to come out.

Don’t put a barrier between the reader and what is happening.

“I heard the engine coming down the track, the long whistle blowing.”

Well, the reader knows if something is happening, the POV is witnessing it, less needs to be said about the process of witnessing.

“Clicky-clack, the engine is coming down the track. The long whistle blowing it’s mournful cry.”

With which sentence do you hear the engine and whistle more clearly?

Get rid of the filter words.

And don’t just take my word for it – here is a vlog from Alyssa Matesic (Cut these words now) – start at 1:10:

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Okay, had a night’s sleep, now back to this editing rant. I’ve said a LOT about filtering words here on this blog over the years. Editing rants based on book reviews, slush reads, and so, so many edits, but part of this one was directed at me. Yes, all the editing and I still need to yell at myself about filtering words.

Recently, I wrote a four thousand plus word Flash to fill in a 2000-word flash hole in my 2024 line up called “Water Finds a Way” (9/29/2024). (I’ve been doing really good this year in cleaning up my backlog.)

The story was based on a dream I had that previous night. Very vivid – the water over the tiled pool room with a keystone design, the crawling up and down the missing stairs, seeing the approaching pirates through the magic window, the light house, the betrayal, the lightning flashing in the pool after I threw the clerical charm in there and seeing the silhouette of the monster in the waters. The challenge was to make that dream a reality on paper.

Problems with the story – time to developmentally edit myself:

(One) I chose to do it as first-person because that was how I dreamed it. Sometimes I dream in third person, but most of them are first person. Only the additions I did to make it into a full story instead of an action sequence from the middle of the story (there wasn’t a beginning or end, nothing to set it up and nothing to tie it up, I had been dropped into the story in media res), the backstory for the person operating the lighthouse, made them a less than interesting point-of-view from inside their head. They didn’t know where they had come from, nor did they have strong goals. And they didn’t have anyone to talk to so all the thinking was internal. Boring.

I need a different POV choice for the story. I think third person, where the lighthouse keeper talks to themselves could work, especially if I have one or two of the pirate crew be a second POV. Maybe the apprentice cleric; it would be interesting to compare two people caught up in situations where they are not allowed to leave. Situations which offer safety but at the cost of agency.

(Two) I just pounded out that 4,300 word story over a six-hour day with just one meal break. The ending got cut short by the need to sleep. Everything got tied up quickly, where the impact of the rope goal was just set up. The final two paragraphs would be better as two more pages.

(Three) With the quick write-up without a break, so many filter words were used. What I saw in the story needed to be written out – saw, felt, heard, believed, thought. The whole things need a rewrite to remove the filter words. I need to change description into immersion. Rip the barriers away!

(Four) The magic window, which was WAY COOL in the dream, does not work in the created story. It is a Darling and needs to be killed. Unless I can find a way to keep it. (My precious!)

(Five) I would like this to be a saleable length, so 10k. I had rushed things just to finish the blog in one day and fill a slot, but it is over 4k words already. That is some serious wordage. With a rewrite filling in the rushed descriptions, even with removing filter words, it should easily hit 6k and adding the second POV (Cleo) and a scene or two setting up stuff before the pirates arrived at the lighthouse – let’s see, them on boat where the pirate asks for payment as they race the storm to the mainland and another with them walking up from the pier (instead of the action just being watched from the window), and maybe a third of them loading onto the lifeboats should add another 2k easy. Fixing the ending would add at least another 1k, so doable at 9k without a problem. The final one thousand words can be adding a flash or two at the end, a couple good ones. Have to make it worth 99 cents.

***

Now the question is do I want to do this. Part of me wants to do a WRITING EXERCISE of fixing the filter words. The story can be so much better. But the publisher-selling part of me knows this isn’t in my normal wheelhouse and won’t sell well if at all and that is a lot of words and commitment for a mediocre product. Third part of me, the one part of a new writer’s group is going your goal was to outline a book for sale before the next meeting, this will do it. So here we are. What will happen tomorrow?

If I do rewrite it, I would put PART of the second draft into a Sunday post – equal to the Amazon first 10% rule. After which I would need to continue with the third and fourth draft cleanups for publication. It will be a whole week process. Hmm.

Flash: Drabble Egg

Photo by Marcel Eberle on Unsplash

Today I was poking my nose around and found a challenge: Write a drabble (100 words – no more, no less) and use a sentence from the last person’s drabble while doing so. The reused sentence is bolded.

“Time to make the omelets,” I said, entering the kitchen. “The restaurant doors are opened. The crowds are flooding in.”

My co-cook nodded. “Any special ingredients?”

“Oh, let’s try some galingale today.” Inspecting the workspace, I continued talking “And you have a dragon’s egg on your shelf. Get it out of the fridge. That should release all the hot people come here for.”

He looked abashed. “Actually, the egg rolled under the oven yesterday.”

“The oven?” My eyes snapped to the iron monster where we had banked the fires last night for a quick restart. “And you left it there?”

(words 100, first published 6/7/2026)

Writing Exercise: Unputdownable

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

Last month I had an Editing Rant (Chapter Ending Questions 5/12/2026) and recommended an Other Cool Blog (Alyssa Matesic – Unputdownable 5/28/2026) on the topic of creating chapter endings which pull a reader through a story, making it Unputdownable (yes, still a word!).

Today’s writing exercise is to wordsmith a work-in-progress (WIP) chapter ending to pull the reader.

In grade school we are taught to end chapters with bows. The advice of “beginning, middle, and end” within a chapter, creating an arc, wasn’t defined, except for the end – you need to END a chapter.

But you don’t, not really. Only when the story ends, and even then leave threads for people to think on – for future series, for fan fic. But most importantly, for the Zeigarnick Effect. By leaving just a little unfinished, not completely closing the door, just making sure the core questions are answered for satisfaction, the reader continues to think about your story. This means they will recommend your story to others because they thought about it. They will remember you as a writer, because your satisfied them but also left them something more to think on. The story is both finished and unfinished. Not a cliffhanger, but what happened next; yes the MC and the romantic interest got together, but did they ever decide what color to paint the house. Silly little questions, but enough for the reader to keep filling in the story for a while.

The chapter-ending Zeigarnik effect, the raising of suspense to make the book unputdownable, shouldn’t be silly little questions. It should raise tension, making the reader go “just one more page.”

Remember Alyssa Matesic’s five ways to raise suspense at the end of your chapter (see her video for more details about each of these options – https://youtu.be/8ir5S0Nb_f4?si=MU0dVRr9o57uBdAt): (a) ask a question; (b) create an obstacle; (c) drop a bomb; (d) end with an unresolved emotion; (e) add a time constraint.

WRITING EXERCISE: Go over your present WIP and look at each chapter ending, the final paragraph. Do they do one of the five ways of raising suspense? Write which type of option you use (a-e or 1-5, however you have them written down). Are they all the same, or limited to just two of the options? Fix one of your chapter endings. In the comments, post the final three sentences you started with and what you restructured the ending to be (final three sentences, more or less).

My attempt: I tend to use the “end on a question” option the most. The ending of “Teamup Road Trip” which appeared in the A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to P-Con was as follows.

“So, number three?” Onyx asked.

Annie paused before answering, “Hopefully after the con.”

It ends the story, but as typical of the superhero genre, I left a “to be continued” at the end of the story.  A what happens next which will make the reader want to run out and get the next comic book or, in this case, the next anthology (due out around the September 2026 convention!).

I used both the “ask a question” but also a “unresolved emotion” technique, with a little bit of a “time constraint” tossed in. Things happen in threes in this universe, but the third thing hasn’t happened yet. The call-to-action sword is hanging over the superheroes when all they want to do is take the weekend off and attend the con. We know, as readers who love the genre, that the third thing isn’t going to wait until after the con. Something is going to happen at the Dallas P-Con convention.

Is it a cliffhanger? No, because the story was “What happened on the way to P-Con.” They dealt with an emergent, a medical emergency, and picking up the guest-of-honor for the convention from the airport as a disaster-movie level blizzard hits. But at the end, they had arrived! The story is tied up.

Now let’s look at the chapter endings themselves. I can’t change them at this point, the story is published, but it should be an interesting visit.

Chapter 1: Manuel stepped back as Annie started the engine, giving them a little wave as they backed out of the drive and headed into Austin late morning traffic to get on I-35.

No tension here. This is ending the establishment of “normal” and starting the trip. It is early in the story and the first chapter was about getting to know the characters and liking them. The reader isn’t likely to put down the book at the end of chapter 1. The question is “what is about to happen?” I guess it is enough to say option (a), maybe.

Chapter 2: “Maybe she is hiding it, maybe she is—” As they watched the drama of the last car, the fists the angry driver had been shaking at the agents suddenly formed crackling white plasma around them.

Chapter 2 definitely ends with (c) Drop a Bomb.

Chapter 3: As it was, the blast was contained. Only those within the globe faced the consequences of the explosion.

Returning to my favorite ending-type for chapters, (a) Question: What happened to our MC who was in the center of that globe!!!!

Chapter 4: “No, she isn’t in a coma, but her entire system is out of whack enough there is a danger if I don’t get her to a specialist…

This time a (e) time constraint has been added to the story. Up until now, our heroes have all day to meander to the convention and Orb and Angel are arriving the night before, so even more time. Now, “there is a danger if I don’t get her to a specialist” soon. This ticking clock will increase throughout the next chapter.

Chapter 5: “Hold your horses. It ain’t like nobody’s dying on you.” — “That’s debatable.”

The (e) time constraint is coming due, mixing with the (a) question of “will Orb survive?”. This is the strongest pull through, except I didn’t end on that note. The chapter actually concluded with : The door started rolling up. Angel moved her compact car forward as soon as it fit under the metal. Once she was inside, the door rolled down behind the vehicle.

This ending leaves the scene unresolved. But it could be considered a clear cut scene ending. The character “walked through a door.”

Not the best choice. But I also wanted to create a feeling of claustrophobia in the next POV character. She was enclosed in a situation she didn’t understand. The door closing was important for her emotions. Not everything is driven by chapter endings; techniques are used for storytelling, they are only tools to shape plot and characters into a narrative. Not every tool is needed for every situation.

The superhero story continues with another three chapters. (It was 20,000 words.) Once I get the rights back to both Teamup Road Trip and its sequel, I hope to publish both in one volume with a side story about Vicky and maybe what happened with the ancient ghost  dire bear. Stay tuned!

Oh, and don’t forget to do this writing exercise yourself.

Book Review: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to P-Con

Amazon Cover

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to P-Con! (Anthology)

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON

A funny thing happened on the way to P-Con: What do you get when science fiction and fantasy collide with convention chaos? A collection as unpredictable—and as fun—as the P-Con convention itself. The stories in this anthology support the operation of the P-Con Science Fiction & Fantasy annual convention. Purchases of this Kindle or Paperback go directly to the operating fund.

Inside these pages you’ll find:

  • A writer isekai’d into a world built from the very tropes he pens.
  • Superheroes (registered and unregistered) braving the most dangerous gauntlet of all: Texas’ Interstate 35.
  • Prophecies delivered over breakfast at Waffle House.
  • And road trips all the way: alien invasions, bumbling investigators, and mysteries that may never be untangled.

And yes … talking squirrels. Whether you’re a longtime fan or a newcomer to the weird, wonderful spirit of P-Con, or science fiction and fantasy, these stories will make you laugh, cheer, and maybe wonder what’s really lurking behind the dealer’s table. Come for the convention. Stay for the chaos. And enjoy the ride along the way!

 

MY REVIEW

Full Disclosure – I wrote one of the stories in this anthology, so I might go a little nice, especially since I am at the con right now with all the people who wrote this charity anthology. But, well, I still loved it a lot. A fun theme, driving to the con, and handled differently by everyone. I loved the storms everyone hit; is it the same storm? (BTW – the storms were not listed as part of the theme, but if you have ever driven any time in the Texas, … yeah … storms out of nowhere.)

The best two stories are absurdist and farcical, but I think they best captured the lore and joy that is P-Con: #3 Waffle Master and #4 Tanks for the Pies. Now onward to short-one(ish) sentence reviews of the nine short stories, well seven short stories (10-20 pages) and two novelettes of over 50 pages each.

1. What a Way to GOH by Robert E. Hampson – Portal fantasy. I think it ran a little long, but villains are going to monolog. Exploration of tropes. Not my favorite story of the lot but I understand the reasons it is first. (One of the two long stories.)

2. Fear and Loathing on the Way to P-Con by Greg Radabaugh – Satire super spy alien abduction thriller.

3. Prophecy of the Waffle Master by Wally Waltner – Absurdist Urban Fantasy capturing a P-Con tradition in a single golden syrup moment. Best of the stories.

4, Tanks for the Pies by Lizz Yarbrough – First day of con fever fantasy crossed with friend shenanigans. Squirrels, pies, Lizz, and a tank – the world is not safe. Second best (and very close to the best) story.

5. The Story She Left Behind by Sandra L. Medlock – Ghost story wish-fulfillment of quiet voices getting their stories told.

6. The Scenic Route to Nuts by C.V. Walter – Light anime-touched science-fiction. Always help the strays.

7. Aliens among Us by Jesse M. Slater – Science Fiction about being out of place, sometimes the world is hostile, and sometimes you are exactly where you should be with those you love at your side.

8. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to P-Con or did it? by Stephen Patrick and David Rike – A comedic interlude of fools; a farce in the manner of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. Not to my taste.

9. Teamup Road Trip by Erin Penn – Well, this one is mine. Superheroes driving from point A to point B, with some unexpected stops. I love the blurb the editor created for it “Superheroes braving the most dangerous gauntlet of all: Interstate 35.” (Second of the two long stories.)

Flash: Incoming

Photo by NASA on Unsplash

“So have you got for me today.”

At the crack of the simulant can, Deborah glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, hey Brent. Hop onto station 2, Sandy is running late, morning sickness you know. I’m staying until she can get here.”

After slamming back his second can of the day, Brent eased into the station’s traffic control seat indicated, ignoring the other two empty stations. The monitoring implants registered his biometrics, checking him as fit for duty before recording him on the clock. “Hopefully she didn’t get any on her uniform this time. Yesterday, I got to smell vomit all shift. Speaking of shift, where is Karl?”

“Hot date.” Deborah’s voice dripped angry sarcasm.

Two words slipped out which Brent hoped wouldn’t put him in front of a review board. “Which ship this time?”

Bounty’s Towel out of Gamma Oorts sector. Using the emergency dock on level three.”

“If he wasn’t Black Clock party…”

“Or the son of an ‘elected’ councilman.” Deborah agreed. “Aside from that, I can’t deny he actually knows how to be a controller, unlike the last party hack.”

Her voice changed to sweetness and clarity. “Welcome to Pluto Station AC8647, please verify ship’s name and captain.” After a short pause she added, “Why yes, we put all ships under guns, even those coming from Alpha Centauri.”

“Yes, even coming from Earth. Standard procedure while we are under war footing.”

“Yes, we are under war footing with the Meridians.”

“Yes, the war was won forty years ago, but their ships do not have FTL capability or communications.”

“Thank you, I will pass on your suggestions of where to put the missiles to the Homeworld Defense Council. Attached is the Warehouse docking instructions package. You will be looking for Romeo 147. Please confirm you see the beacon. … Thank you.”

While she dealt with the difficult ship, Brent cleared the three waiting automated mining ships to release their Oorts cloud materials into the inner system freight runners. One had been waiting for over an hour.

A quick check showed Karl left his seat nine-eight minutes ago. Technically, they were to have minimum shifts of three so someone could take a piss break and keep the required two people in Control at all time. Four people for heavy traffic times…or war footing. Shifts were to be six hours long, four shifts for the Earth twenty-four-hour clock all orbital stations maintained, three days on, one day off, absolutely no double or back-to-back shifts. Including bodies for sick leave and vacation and supervision, Pluto’s Traffic Control orbital station should have thirty trained controllers. They had five.

Earth had stopped sending specialists outward during the war and never restarted. Having the population drop from fourteen billion to one and an eighth billion because of kinetic bombardment impacted their outmigration policies.

“Sorry about that,” Deborah said, her voice no longer customer service modulated. “And thanks for clearing the backlog. The emergency dock on level four is still under repair, they say four hours.”

“They have been saying four hours since Tuesday.” Brent growled. Level one didn’t have one, as that is the big-wig level and the designers didn’t want to risk a bad emergency docking there. The level two dock was officially for diplomats but actually held the stationmaster’s personal yacht for “necessary repairs” going on fourteen months so he wouldn’t have to pay berth fees. Something every single one of the hereditary politicians exiled to Pluto to wait out an embarrassment learned to do. Which left levels three and four, presently taken up by Karl’s smuggling operations and a bad seal that none of their printers could reproduce.

And Repairs and Maintenance couldn’t just repurpose a seal from the other twelve docking ports, three per level, as four of them were also missing the essential air seal. Earth not only stopped shipping out specialists, they had also stopped shipping out replacement parts, though they sure as Sol shines accepted incoming raw materials.

“Six ships are in dock, nineteen are working the warehouse area. We have four passenger FTL ship beacons incoming in the next two hours.” She shoved the schedules to his screen.

“I see two docked ships are scheduled to depart, giving us room for the incoming but that will fill us up. How on schedule are they?”

“The Beowolf runner, Smelling like a Rose in Space, says they are on schedule.”

“Good,” Brent grunted.

“And Casa de Mañana out of the Asteroid sector Tango has assured me they are also on schedule to depart on time…in three, maybe four hours max.”

Brent pinched his nose. “Vago Bover still captain?”

“Yep.”

“So six hours if we are lucky. Any of the other ships having a chance in hell leaving early?”

“Already checked, and no.”

“Any chance one of the passenger ship’s are actually high value freight on fast shipment?”

“No.”

“Bypass us to go directly to Earth.”

“Also no.”

“Karl’s friend?”

“Needs refueling, so four hours minimum.”

“R&M miraculously get the parts they needed and repaired one of the other docks?”

“Lysander turned in his notice to take a slot on Moonbeam Lunacy when it arrives tomorrow.”

“That will leave us just Raymond and Pinnick.”

“Raymond is in the hospital until they can regrow him a liver.”

“Of course.”

An alarm beeped in their implants, returning their full attention to their stations. “I got the passenger ship.” Deborah chimed in.

Brent was happy to leave the high stress people to her. Registering the Beowolf ship flight plan only took a moment, letting him focus on juggling the snare happening in the warehouse section as the Alpha Centauri ship had not in fact followed the Romeo beacon. He pinged the arguing ships with the missile lock since they weren’t allowing him to get a word in edgewise. No need for them to know only two guns and one missile tube were operational, or even had ammo.

“That is not regulation.” His co-seat teased.

“Like you haven’t done it.”

“Not in nine hours.”

“That has to be a record.”

Deborah and Brent paused their banter as the passenger ship kissed airlocks. The refueling, reairing, and purging teams climbed over the ship like ants while the passengers from another star system unloaded to escape the tin can and stale air they had been locked into for weeks as their FTL ship ate the space between stars, into a slightly larger tin can and slightly staler air of the station. They watched each person’s biosignal flying outside gravity and air like the Man on the Moon watched Earth. They hadn’t lost a Dutchman in the last three years, despite each of them pulling at least a twelve-hour shift every single day during that time baring illness. It was a streak the entire control crew protected, because it protected their people.

When the last one buzzed back inside the station skin, they exhaled. Deborah checked her incoming messages through a complicated message of connections. The software providing direct communication into the controlling area had degraded over the years; any patching done was concentrated on communication between the controller’s suite and the traffic. Communicating, even with their implants, was a chore requiring four or five steps. Going in person was easier for most tasks, if they could leave their seats.

“Sandy threw up again.”

“Can Wynn cover?” Brent asked.

“It’s okay, I got this.” Deborah activated their bypass for her to cover a third shift regulation six-hour shift. “I’ll let my partners know and tell Sandy to take the time she needs.”

“Girl….” Brent sighed in exasperation and exhaustion.

“Boy….” She returned in the same exact tone.

They both knew their options were limited. The protest was merely performance. There were three more ships arriving and they only had two docks.

Good Housekeeping, the last to arrive, did not like waiting but they did have enough air to wait out the Mañana’s departure, only five hours behind schedule. The Towel pulled out only thirty minutes later, having officially never unloaded a single item or person to go through customs.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Sandy gushed as she rushed in at mid-shift, slipping into station 3. “I can’t believe how hard it is to keep food down while I am this hungry.”

Yawning, Deborah stood once Sandy’s biometrics recorded present. “I’m going to the schoolhouse to see if there is any chance of getting an intern out of this or next year’s crop.”

“Last I heard they were pushing all math-inclined into R&D,” Sandy said, getting in the know why setting up her baby for daycare.

Brent snorted. “Hands-on math for the R&D crowd, pencil-pushers for our crowd. We should go in person and interview them.”

“Not you,” Deborah said. “You’ll scare them. Maybe me and Karl.”

“Karl?” The two on-shift controllers turned toward her.

“He is slimy, yes,” Deborah said, “But he knows how to present.”

Brent pinched his nose. “I hate him.”

“But, if you didn’t know him….” Deborah trailed off.

“I would buy whatever he sells, damn him to Jupiter’s gravity well.” Brent admitted, having fallen for Karl’s tricks during his first month as party spy, even while knowing he had been a party spy. “The kids won’t have a chance.”

“Except, unlike the normal timepiece,” she used the term they used internally for the party’s department watcher, “he understands this job and knows its needs and nearly cares about it, if only for the money and connections it brings. He won’t sell the job to people who won’t be a good fit just to get bodies in the door.”

Sandy and Brent exchanged looks. They normally worked together. Deborah pulled the timepiece partner because she could usually cover for two when the timepiece was completely useless, and had never slugged one like both Brent and Sandy had done, more than once. “What about Wynn?” Sandy asked.

“They just got married.” Deborah responded. A raft of other information flashed between them without saying a word. Wynn, while they had made it six years in the booth fresh out of school, had a dream. They would be emigrating to one of the colony worlds as soon as their new family unit received final approval.

The entire Pluto base was a skeleton crew stripped of all meat and nothing feed into it. The inner and outer system had been filled with the pressure of Earth’s excess population for three hundred years of settling, exploding outward, yet still having a population growing faster than people could jump out of the gravity well. Colony ships running out to the Earth-like worlds or at least to stars where new stations could be built. Until the Meridians and their extermination war.

For sixty years, since the bombardment, only vacuum remained instead of full steam ahead.

The two on-duty turned to the boards when the internal alarm went off.

Deborah jumped too and returned to her seat. All three stopped breathing and their hands moved faster than the last Dutchman incident.

Karl ran in the door, “What the hell is a Zula warning and why can’t I turn it off?” Two seconds later Wynn pushed him out of the way and jumped into the dusty fourth station, bringing it up, ignoring the five missing lights scavenged to keep the primary stations working.

Deborah shoved the Zulu file to Karl’s implant.

“Meridians?” His olive complexion blanched. “But…but…we won.”

“They don’t have faster-than-light communication.” Wynn reminded him. “They might not know that.”

“Or they might take exception to it.” Brent growled before ordering Karl to “Get Peggy up here now.”

“Peggy?”

“The stationmaster’s assistant.” Deborah filled in, “It’s coming in high, off platter.”

“Thanks, found them, five ships passing the first Tripwire—and there it goes. Nice explosion,” said Wynn. “I’ll say they are still hostiles.”

“Timepiece, we need Peggy here now, and I guess we should officially tell the stationmaster too, for all the good he will be.” Sandy spun her chair around to face Karl. “You, go get Peggy, extract anyone else you think has a functioning brain.”

“What do I say?” Karl struggled, his attention divided between the four controllers.

“Just tell Peggy Zulu, please.” Deborah said.

He left.

Once assured they were alone, Deborah reported, “I got two planet bombardment ships, one support repair ship, one buzz-swarm, and an infantry transport.”

“Confirm profiles.” Brent said.

“Confirm energy signatures.” Sandy said.

“Working on damage report.” Wynn said. “They’ve been in the dark for a long-time. Some things have had to have broken.”

“One can only hope.” Deborah said.

(words 2,089; first published 5/31/2026)