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Other Cool Blogs: Magical Words 6/2/2009

Erin Penn

Photo by Justin Luebke on Unsplash

Big Changes Required

Editing is a mix of making sure the story is the best it can be without imposing your personal voice on the author’s voice. Like a sculpture where you take stuff away until the art of the marble is there. And sometimes that means telling the author a HUGE chunk of their story needs to be rewritten.

This happened with prolific author C.E. Murphy, and she shared her feelings on Magical Words 6/2/2009 in “A Conversation with my Editor”:

I think most telling about the process is in her comment (6/3/2009 at 1:06 am) to Faith, David where she wrote:

y’know, I really didn’t feel like she was asking for something huge. Maybe because I wasn’t comfortable with how the beginning of the book fit with the rest of it,

She knew something was wrong with the book; it had been eating at her on some level. I’m betting the editor coming back with the reason and a solution was something of a relief (after getting over the shock of needing to rewrite 20% of her manuscript to fix the issue). I don’t normally ask for big changes from my authors when I edit, but the few times I have, they have been really happy when they responded after a couple days – usually with “I knew something was wrong but couldn’t figure it out”. Once it was a nearly immediate “THAT’S IT!!! Thanks.” – and I didn’t hear back from the author for two months.

First hint: Take a couple days after getting the editing letter back to mull on the issues.

Second hint: Ask questions.

If you notice Ms. Murphy asked questions and discovered a deeper problem. The editor didn’t gel with the main character. The romantic element being front-loaded into the novel kept the main point-of-view character’s relationship with the reader from fully forming. The problem wasn’t so much about the romantic elements existing, but the room they took away from other elements.

Again the Magical Words link is:

Book Review: Necromancer for Hire

Erin Penn

Amazon Cover

Necromancer for Hire: The April Sullivan Chronicles by Darin Kennedy

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON

April Sullivan is a young woman with a special gift. She can raise the dead.

This collection of stories introduces you to the April’s world, the world of a professional necromancer. Her days and nights populated with vampires, werewolves, and demons as well others of her stock in trade, April must use all the tools at her disposal, mystical and otherwise, not only to ply her trade, but to stay alive. This first collection gathers the initial seven April stories, from their homes in various anthologies, into one volume for the first time.

“Necrodance” – April teaches a serial killer a lesson on the difference between being the hunter and being the hunted.

“Bonds of Blood” – Sibling rivalry takes a new spin as April and her vampire brother meet to “discuss” the affairs of their ailing mother.

“Solstice” – April must combat the necromancer who taught her everything she knows before he can raise an army. And the army he intends to raise: Arlington National Cemetery.

“Class Reunion” – April attends the funeral of the first boy she ever loved, but dark events converge to ensure he doesn’t rest in peace.

“Solomon” – April plays a dangerous game of chance with a demon with her immortal soul as collateral.

“Symphony of Wolves” – April’s boyfriend takes her to the symphony on the night of the full moon. What could go wrong?

“The Fall and Rise of Julian LaMorte” – An origin story of sorts for April’s once mentor now nemesis.

This book clocks in at just over 150 pages and is perfect if you’re looking for a quick, fun read in the urban fantasy genre. And in case you really like, never fear, for more April is on the way!

 

MY REVIEW

A collection of short stories on a reoccurring character, April Sullivan — Necromancer, by Darin Kennedy. Some of the collection are amazing, most are good, and all hit the mark. Seven stories in all published over a period of three years, four of the seven were published in other anthologies before the rights reverted to Dr. Kennedy.

“Necrodance” introduces us to April Sullivan in a creepy story where you are never certain who is the hunter. (4 stars)

“Bonds of Blood” give us a bit of insight into April’s family life and her full abilities. (4 stars)

“Solstice” has switching POVs between April and a cop who pulled her over for a routine speeding ticket and gets far more than he expected. There is reasons cops are worried during every pullover – the danger is real. Though usually not involving a century-old necromancer raising entire graveyards of soldiers during a lunar eclipse. (Story has to take place December 22, 2010 – the only time since 1638 for a lunar eclipse on the Winter Solstice. – Yep, this fact in the story wasn’t just made up because it was cool. Mr. Kennedy chose an actual event.) (4 stars – plus a bonus star for getting the eclipse right)

“Class Reunion” is the best of the story stories because the emotions of everyone involved. Each and every character has agency, personality, and impact to the outcome of the story. Everyone changes because of the story, even April a little. This story is unique to the collection and hadn’t been published before. (5 stars)

“Solomon” – I first read in the Big Bad anthology, and I think it works better in the mix of that anthology then in this collection. When I read it as part of the anthology, I was jamming on the Big Bad of the story – when I read it as part of the collection, I focused on our necromancer anti-hero. Interesting how you can read the story and have two completely different take-aways based on what other stories surround it. (3 stars in this collection; 4 stars in the anthology)

The final two stories – “Symphony of Wolves” and “The Fall and Rise of Julian LaMorte” – were written for this collection. Symphony is as action packed as Solstice, while Fall and Rise is perhaps the weakest of the lot because it’s more a prologue for the upcoming novelette than a stand-alone story. (4 stars and 2 stars respectively)

Average 4 stars. As Goodreads rating states “I really liked it.”

***

If you are interested in the technical side of writing, each short story of the collection has a different point of view (POV) style. “Necrodance” is first-person POV (not April!). “Bonds of Blood” is third-person POV. “Solstice” is alternating first person POV (April and the cop). “Class Reunion” finally has the typical urban fantasy first-person POV on the main character. “Solomon”‘s first person POV again returns to the adversary of April we saw in “Necrodance”. “Symphony of Wolves” is third-person, and “The Rise and Fall…” is first-person adversary.

Hmmm – I liked “Class Reunion” the best, could it be because it follows the traditional formula the closest? Again, if you are interested in the technical side of writing looking over this collection written by the same author and same character with the same “voice” but with different POVs can help give you a feel of how POV can change things.

Flash: Three Losses (full-length)

Erin Penn

Last year about this time, Three Losses was published in the Dare to Write It ezine (7/9/2019). The short story competition I entered had a theme of “Loss” and a word limit of 500. Below is the full-length version of the story.

***

“Tina!” ripped from Brand’s throat as he watched his boss crumple into a loose pile of arms and legs when the amulet rays hit her. Her body flopped over, her glass eyes staring at the ceiling. Growling, his hands tightened on his machetes and turned toward the bastard wizard, readying to leap.

“Uh-huh. You could be next.” The graduate student wiggled the ancient Mayan medallion. Smirking. “Besides it is not like I killed her.”

Brand’s eyes roved over her limp body trying to figure out what was happening. Whiskey, Martini Martinez’s sister and tech for the monster hunter end of their lives, found this case from the police reports of female co-eds turning up on roadsides after disappearing for three days with no memory of the intervening time. Five of them, so far, over a six-week period. Glassy black eyes stared at the ceiling with her two long braids which normally hung passed her fine ass tangled with her arms which now reflected light like they were cloth, not skin. Her ceremonial athame, which she had used to cut half-ass spells the wizard had thrown, remained unchanged in her dominant left hand, but the gun in her right looked like a foam toy. Martini Martinez didn’t appear dead as much as a puppet with its strings cut.

“What did you do?”

“Turned her into a doll, a fuckable doll, all moist and warm. You can take her home. Do whatever you want. She’ll come back to herself in seventy-two hours.”

“Gotcha,” whispered in his earpiece.

“Turn her back now.” Brand demanded.

“No. You are going to allow me to escape. Going to give me time to pack up my shit. And let me go.” He wiggled the amulet again attached to the chain around his neck. “Or join her.”

“Mayan … golem-making,” Whiskey’s voice whispered in his ear. “Found it … yeah, gotcha, gotcha, those amulets only work on one person at a time.”

“Not going to happen.” Brand ran at the wizard wannabe and punched him with the knuckle guards around his machetes until the bastard fell unconscious. And then kicked him a couple times with his steel-toed boots until he felt a rib break. “Tell me we got a fix to get Tina back quick.” He said into the thin air, panting.

“Nope, those things are preset. The Mayans would transform their sacrifices, throwing them down the pyramids. As fabric golems, they would take no damage. Then they could take them back to their temples and play with them, pass them around.”

“So the gods wouldn’t get the sacrifice? Didn’t that piss them off?”

“No, because the soul of the person got transferred to the god-realm to be played with. The girls wouldn’t remember anything when returned to their bodies, just like the co-eds, but the damage to the soul would remain.”

“How much damage?” Brand asked.

Whiskey didn’t respond.

“How much damage?”

“You know two of the co-eds already committed suicide. And a third is in the hospital getting her stomach pumped and is little more than a vegetable after her attempt.” Whiskey’s voice got smaller. “The other two are the newest. It is just a matter of time.”

“Fuck.” Brand looked around the room. His eyes wanted to focus on Tina and also didn’t. So he focused on the black dagger in her left hand. “How do we get her soul back from the god-realm quickly?”

“You would have to go in and get it.”

“How?”

“Mayans weren’t the most blood-thirsty of the gods in the Americas, that prize goes to the Aztecs, but only human sacrifice opens their gate.”

“Right.” Securing his machetes in their scabbards, Brand strode over to his boss’s body and picked up the witch blade.

“No!” Whiskey yelled in his ear. “That’s black magic. Don’t kill Ryan.”

“Don’t worry. That isn’t the only sacrifice available here.” Brandon thrust the small blade into his belly. Knowing that wasn’t enough, he pulled upward, then sideways. “Hold on Tina, I’m coming.” He collapsed over her body, blood flowing out and soaking into the doll’s fabric skin.

(words 682; original work published Dare to Write It ezine 7/9/2019 – 500 word limit; full length published 8/2/2020)

Writing Exercise: Look, Tools!

Erin Penn

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Look you, she had the look so I looked at her.”

Oh, the editing pain. Look has so many definitions:

Noun – (1) The act of directing one’s gaze – “give a closer look”. (2) An appearance or quality – “she had the look”

Verb – (1) directing one’s gaze – “I looked at her”. (2) have the appearance or impression – “he looked good”

Exclamation – (1) call attention to what you are saying. “Look, this is too many definitions.”

Serious. Pain.

Today’s writing exercise is to create a tool to reduce the pain.

WRITING EXERCISE IN THREE PARTS

PART ONE: Devote a notebook page or file to common words and start collecting synonyms for them. Some of the bad boys are: Look/see/saw, felt, start/began/begun/begin, angry/anger, try/tried, said, go/went

I’ll help you start the look one: Stare, eye, glance, peek, see, gaze, contemplate, survey, watch

Google something like “other ways to say ____” and hit the image option. You should see lists created to help high schoolers expand their vocabulary. Take advantage of this.

An example from Pinterest (and originally from teachstarter.com):

 

PART TWO: Now you have a starting point fix the following paragraph and post your version below:

He looked at her and she smiled back as she handed him a cup. He felt good about the smile, a start to a relationship, and he smiled too. The woman looked at the customer in front of her, starting to take a new order. The sudden shift of her look felt bad.  He began to get angry. The fast food girl had looked so nice. Then he got it, he needed to try harder.

PART THREE: Finally go through your present work in progress (WIP) and search on the words. Write down how many times each appears in your manuscript. Now fix the ones that appear too many times.

How much is too much? If this is the first time you working of fixing issues like this, you will see it quick enough. For example, in 171-page manuscript I worked with the word “look” (or a variation thereof like “looked” and “looking”) appeared 420 times during the first pass. Over twice per page. That would be too much.

Below write your worst offender, how many times it appeared, and how many double-space, normal margins pages are in presently your WIP. If everyone shares, we can all see what words we need to watch for.

Flash: Beep

Erin Penn

Acquired from Unsplash

No one visited the old ship anymore. It had failed them, and the generation born from the Sky-Fallen followed in their parent’s manner, avoiding the heartbreak of broken promises. At least the double-sun hid the black. Stars didn’t cruelly shine on their lost travelers.

Except Julius. Last born of the Sky-Fallen, full of the nanites to help others to survive the dark and radiation. They had the third and last booster the day navigation glitched. Unlike their brethren, they had no memory of the stars and they had all of the hunger for the unknown the children lacked. They came often to this inbetween place. The only location between sky and ground that understood them.

Thus they heard the beep.

(words 120; first published 4/30/2022 – created from visual prompt for a Facebook writing group. Goal was 50 words; I went over.)

Beep Series
Beep (7/26/2020)
Ship’s Center (9/6/2020)