Writing Exercise: Dialogue Tags

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Dialogue Tags

Should you do it or not?

I’m talking dialogue tags.

What on earth were you thinking?

Debate rages in the writing realm. Some point out that “he said”, “she said” has no real effect – people are trained just to glance over these cues of who is speaking. So we may as well go back to using them. Whereas for the last couple of decades “said-isms” have ruled  – muttered, sputtered, growled – but these start getting annoying after awhile.

I am from a totally different camp entirely. I like to write short, which means every word counts. Why would I use words people just glance over and do not contribute to my story. And for the longer works, again, why add something annoying or invisible when I can use description to enhance the dialogue. A writing weakness is keeping scene description and dialogue separate; once a writer gets in one mode, they tend to stick with it. But using the scene description to provide the dialogue queues instead of dialogue tags, the two required writing tools do double the work in half the time.

WRITING EXERCISE: So this month’s writing challenge is write a scene – likely you will need more than 100 words. Make the scene about the dialogue, but without dialogue tags (both saids and said-isms). The reader should clearly be able to tell who is talking. An example is below.

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Clifford & Rozetta 2

“Oh God, Clifford, why are you here?”

The man jerked, spinning around to see his wife. “Roz!” He crumpled the racing form and stuffed it into his shirt.

She pushed her way through the lines around the betting booths. “You promised!” Tears formed in her eyes, but the panicked edge to her near-screams were what made the crowd give them room. “You were doing so well with the 12-step.”

“Roz, Rozzie, Rozetta, it is okay hon. Just this one time. I have a sure thing.”

“NO!” Her voice broke. “No more.”

Clifford reached towards his wife but she stepped back. “It’s for us sweetie. A way for us to get our house back.”

“The house was lost two years ago.” Roz’s mascara ran in streaks. “We just got back on our feet enough to stop living in the cars.”

“Yeah, got really lucky last month.” A proud smile crossed his rugged good looks.

Her voice dropped to a hush, still audible in the crowd because everyone was quietly trying to ignore the couple. “How long have you been betting again?”

“After two trips to the Y, I realized only losers are part of the program.” The man grabbed the shoulders of her tread-bare coat. “We are winners, you and me.”

“You Lied To Me?!?” Her quiet accusation carried to the front of the line while they unconsciously moved forward as the betting lines continued to be processed.

“Honey, you weren’t ready yet.”

“No, no more lies.” She shook him off. “No more luck, no more sure thing. We’re done. I’m done.”

The last person in front of them cleared. Cliff pulled the betting form out of his pocket. “Give me a second honey.” Smiling, he turned to the window.

Roz screamed. Even the bored cashier paused pulling Clifford’s form and cash through the drop slot.

“Don’t come home. No, do come home to that shithole apartment. Me and the kids will be gone.” She stalked off, the betting lines parting like the Red Sea before Moses. Crazy beats obsessive.

Clifford shook his head in exasperation. “It is a sure thing.”

The cashier nodded his head.

“She’ll be back when I am rolling in the dough.”

(Words 366 – first published 2/19/2015; republished new blot format 8/23/2016)

Flash: Team Necro (Version 1)

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“That was quick!” Caitlynn cried joyously seeing the box left by parcel post.

Gerald frowned, making the wrinkles carved into his face deepen, hiding some recent scratches and older scars. Beside him, Jenni, the third of the friendship of three and soon-to-be co-owner of the company Caitlynn was starting, asked, “What did you order?”

After unlocking the newly rented one-room business office, Caitlynn opened the door wide, ushering her two friends and business associates if her arm twisting stuck through the next half hour of signing contracts. “Everything. Wait until you see them! But first – ta-da!”

Caitlynn’s money had been well-spent on the small room. Recently painted cream-color walls and tiled floor brown-and-cream geometric pattern reflected light from the hallway. Two desks with computers with a small barrier between them created separate work areas plus two dark brown pseudo-leather couches and a low table demarking a waiting area furnished the room. One of the easily cleanable couches stretched more than six foot, long enough for Gerald to lay down, and took up most of the right wall. A lockable four-drawer filing cabinet was tucked in the last bit of the wall and had a printer on top. A flick of the switch lit the windowless room, igniting the small hum of fluorescents and blinking the room blue then yellow as the gases warmed up.

On one desk, a manila folder lay ready for the day. The bouncy redhead picked up the box and brought it over to the left desk. Along the far wall the only decorations were three diplomas framed in heavy brown and gold wood. Jenni glanced at them, “So that is why you borrowed my bachelor’s degree.”

“Have to make people know we are serious and not some fly-by-night shop of blood and gore.”

“We are a night shop of blood and gore.” Gerald growled in his low bass.

After putting the parcel down, Caitlynn grabbed the large man’s muscular arm and smiled up with enthusiasm. “And blood and gore attracts lots of flies, but we are not fly-by-night. We are here to stay.”

Jenni’s mouth twisted. “At least until Daddy’s money runs out.” Caitlynn’s touch with reality was sometimes questionable when she fell in love with an idea. Great friend, loyal in all things once she was sure you weren’t after her because of who her family was. Honest but strangely not naive, she was able to see through lies except the ones she told herself.

“Daddy didn’t put a dime into this. He stopped helping me after buying the van for college. This is trust fund all the way and didn’t even touch the principal. Grandma wanted me to be able to do this.”

“Are you sure?” The dainty brunette leaned against the left undecorated wall while Gerald crossed his arms and let the fabric-covered cubicle barrier support him, resting head and shoulders above the five-foot freestanding wall. Jenni could see it become his favorite spot to listen to them talk if they went through with this craziness.

“Asked her myself last October.”

Gerald grunted while Jenni raised an eyebrow. “She wanted you to work?”

“Yes she did.” Caitlynn opened the center drawer of the desk, pulling out a couple of pens. “She always wanted to do more, use her smarts and skills and be more than arm candy and a ticket into politics for the General, but the time wasn’t right.” Twisting the pens between her fingers, Caitlynn slipped out of her big-sell persona she had been operating in since Gerald graduated mid-winter, six months behind the female friends more traditional schooling schedule. “It hurts not to use the magic. She didn’t want me to go through the pain of holding it all in and then losing it by inches.”

“But that is me.” She passed her two friends the pens, opened the manila folder, and handed out copies of the contracts. “This is you. I know I have begged and badgered, but if you don’t want to do this I totally understand. It’s a big risk and I can’t promise you a paycheck. We are going to have to earn them.”

Jenni shook her head. “You said this room is covered and got the apartment, plus the spook-mobile. Aside from food and cell phones, we aren’t going to need much.”

The basement apartment Caitlynn found was within walking distance from five-story office building and had three very small bedrooms surrounding one large kitchen-dining-living space area. Only one bathroom, which could be a problem on days they worked for real, but the office building had been used for chemical experiments in the ’50s and had showers located next to the bathrooms on the top floor where they were located. The top floor didn’t have an elevator, so the owners hadn’t spent as much on renovations leaving an industrial-military cold war feel even thin carpet in the halls could not hide. If they didn’t mind taking the freight elevator to the fourth floor and sneaking up the final set of stairs, they could all clean up at the same time.

“My retirement check will cover food.” Gerald had served in the military for twenty years before going to college. Big, tattooed, black, and completely unfamiliar with the education process having survived inner city school system more interested in graduating teenagers alive then educated, he stumbled into the biology tutoring center desperate for help after hitting Dr. Smith’s Intro of Human Biology and discovered Jenni and Caitlynn. He managed to suffer through Caitlynn’s initial combination of hero-worship and debutant-charity thanks to Jenni’s sarcasm and pragmatism.

And they gelled in a way no one could explain except others touched by magic. Before Jenni and Caitlynn had gone for each other’s throats working the tutoring circle; overachievers, one from money-privilege and one from intellectual-privilege, they raised sparks against each other in their bid to be the class valedictorian. Their only competition was each other in the ivory tower environment and they realized it before freshman year was even over. It all changed junior year. Within a week of adding Gerald to the mix, they were sneaking into the medical rooms after dark to get better views of the cadavers.

They were a coven, forever together. Signing the business contract was a forgone conclusion and they all knew it.

(1,051 words – first published 8/21/2016)

Geeking Science: Space Archaeology

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Vikings in Spppace

“Space Archaeology” (giggle). I love the juxtaposition of outer space with a science closely involved in mud and dust for the gravity-bound. 

In early 2016 Sarah Parcak used her special software imagery to discover a possible second Viking landing site in North America. You can read about it here “Did Alabama space archaeologist just help rewrite history of Vikings in North America” (written by Kelsey Stein on April 2, 2016).

You may have seen the information when it first came out. It was a big deal, especially among those interested in human history.

What really caught my attention was not the Vikings in North America, but the full implications of the software. Folks this is BIG! 

(As a computer geek, anthropology geek, science fiction geek – all types of geek – I am so geeking this geekdom!)

So let’s start with with the “special software”. Most of us are aware, at least peripherally, archaeologists have been using satellite imagery to comb the planet for digging sites. They have been limited to places with little to no vegetation – desert areas – and sites with large stone structures – pyramids and Roman stone & concrete roads.  Basically easy to spot stuff that just happens to be covered in sand. What Dr. Parcak’s software imagery processor has done is shift the paradigm.

The software goes over vegetation areas, the more the better, and looks for something “off”. Straight lines of color, geometric shapes created by differentiation in growth patterns, and other non-organic patterns in the organic materials. The areas are marked on the map and shunted over to human eyes for further review, and finally to human bodies for digging. What forms these vegetative differences? Not huge stone structures, but a dirt wall fortification, long-rotted timbers creating soil differences, and a couple hundred pound rocks moved around. Basically organic materials long claimed by the forest and jungle, but the history remains hundreds of years later because plants grown a tiny bit different in those locations.

Suddenly we can look for human history anywhere on the planet. South America, except for a few ancient stone cities, is a mystery waiting to be revealed. Africa, home of humanity, can be search for in the desert, savanna, and jungle. Huge Asia, from steppes to shore, can be explored. Egyptian and Mediterranean history move over, we are going to see if you are really the cradle of civilization. You got lucky because of the sand and stone clearly wrote your cities locations, now we may find the second-on-the-mother’s side cousin-cities you forgot to write down.

Now the real geeking maximum.

Imagine this software exploring other planets! Before we were limited to industrial markers to find aliens, figuring large roads and cities may be visible from space. But what if the sentient species hasn’t gotten beyond mud huts and stone tools. Would we even notice them before taking over their world?

The answer now is YES! We will find them even if they hide under hundred-mile tall trees.

Discovering a possible second Viking site in North America is nice. But the software which made it possible has some real legs to it; I can’t wait to see what else it does.

Author Spotlight: Calandra Usher

 "The Book of Dean" Cover

Book Cover from Amazon

Calandra Usher has fiery intensity, sometimes warm and comforting and sometimes a protective wall of  light and heat. An amazing author and artist, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know her through a writer’s group and seeing her as a panelist at conventions. When I read her books, I can hear her voice reading directly to me.

Her first series, entitled The Gospels of Cal’ela, focused on the Four Horsemen and has supporting short stories. One of the short stories is available on her website: Pestilence (11/6/2022 note: the website seems to have been discontinued). The series had a lot of rough edges, especially the first self-published book, but, as she learned the craft and found her voice, her intensity came through pitch perfect. By the middle of the second book, I really started believing the pseudo autobiographical presentation. I tried to pace myself in the reading, really I did; I ended up reading the urban fantasy series in about a week.

She is working a new series on Selkies and should have that out sometime in early 2017 knowing her. It’s in the editing phase, all 200K of it. She may be at it a while. Umm, not that I stalk her on Facebook to find out when the next book is coming out or anything. The nice thing is she wrote it all at once, so the books should be released in quick order as editing is completed. 

 

Flash: Face Off

Rating: Mature

The face in the mirror was a stranger. Still, only two days had past. It could grow on her as soon as she figured out how to shave.  Stacy lowered the silvered surface and nearly jumped out of her new skin. “Trey! What are you doing here?” She whispered.

The handsome warlock closed the door behind him, banishing the sounds of the hospital and preventing mundane eyes and ears from observing what they shouldn’t. He smiled and Stacy shivered. Despite her nearly sixty years practicing, she had never had his professional smile aimed at her. Shit.

“Visiting a friend.” He touched the coma patient in the second bed on the head and hand before pulling curtain closed between the beds.

He touched her forehead, taking a moment to dig fingers into the black curls. His coal eyes softened a moment. Then Trey took her hand in both of his. For the first time his grip didn’t completely swallow hers. She felt what seemed to be a spider tread breaking between her fingers. Stacy arrested her new green eyes from investigating the enchantment.

She licked her lips. The new body didn’t have an overbite so she no longer bit her lips. Strange how some things are body-related. Her twisting stomach and hardening dick indicated that fear and attraction were not so limited.

“Thanks for coming by.”

“Couldn’t help it.” Again the professional smile; the black eyes had no emotions. “When Thanatos drops by and asks me where someone from my ward is, I get worried. When he mentioned he needs the answers for two different demon clients, who are each claiming to be missing a soul promised to them, I get really worried.”

“I c-c-can explain.” Stacy stuttered in fear, still not comfortable with forming words in her new mouth.  “I was young and stupid, and I meant to pay them back before I died.”

“And how did that work for you?”

She tried a smile that never failed to turn the nurses into mush. “It doesn’t matter. I have a long time now, another whole lifetime, to get things the way they should be.”

“Actually you don’t.”

“I didn’t steal this body! It was empty when I found it. “

“And it will be empty again within the year. Sorry Anastasia, you got at least a month and no more than a year.”

Stacy gasped. “You knew! You knew I could body hop!” She hit him hard, pleasantly surprised at the thunk her male body could land. Then weakness took her. The body had been in a coma for over a week before she found it; she had claimed total amnesia with the doctors since she had woke it up. She needed time to regain its strength.

Trey easily grabbed her wrists. “And you are to tell no one how you did it. Anyone you tell, I will have to kill. Anything written down, I will have to destroy.”

“Why?”

“Because this path always leads to the dark.” The Warden sighed. “Stacy, I’m sorry. I will give you until Samhain and then we will close things. If you feel yourself slipping away before then, come to me sooner. I can make the passage easier.”

He dropped the wrists and started towards the door.

“Damn you Trey!” Her tenor voice carried. “I don’t want it easy. I want this new life! I damn well earned this new life!”

The door opened and Trey’s professional demeanor was complete again. “See you in October. Don’t make me come and get you.”

 (words 588 – originally appearing at Sunday Fun on Breathless Press 12/16/2012 based on a photo there. Could not find permission so did not copy it – first published 12/16/2012; republished new blog format 8/14/2016)