Category: Editing Rant

Editing Rant: Commas

Erin Penn

Commas. Way back in February 2016, Beginnings as side note included “Actually it was ‘I sat down, and hired me.'” … but that is a different editing rant entirely.

Here is that rant.

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Many times I’ve mentioned my love of the Oxford, or serial, comma. The Oxford comma deals with lists. Lists of two do not need a comma to clearly point out each option, but lists of three do need the addition.

Example with no serial comma needed: I love ice cream and chocolate.

How the serial comma works

Serial comma needed: I had a choice of ice cream, chocolate, or cookie dough.

Without the serial comma: I had a choice of ice cream, chocolate or cookie dough.

Without the serial comma, it seems that the choice was two types of ice cream, with a serial comma the choice is between three types of deserts.

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Now the comma has an additional duty in pausing the eye to notice groups of words and options beyond the Oxford comma. I’m not going to go into all that independent, dependent clause, conjunction, fused sentence, comma splice stuff English teachers love so much. I’m just going to cover the most simple way to see how a comma should be used with conjunctions.

First, as a writer, you going to need to know some basic vocabulary describing words.

Verb – action

Noun – person, place, or thing

Conjunction – joins things, especially, but not limited to “and, but, or, nor, yet, so, for”

If you don’t know what these are, watch the following School House Rock youtube videos:

Got the basic vocab now?

Moving on.

The simplest of sentences have a Subject (noun), Verb, and a little bit of something more to complete the thought. A conjoined sentence has two complete simple sentences connected by a conjunction. 

Example: I love ice cream, and I adore chocolate.

When two complete thoughts are presented (in English-teacher-speak two independent clauses), they are connected with a comma.

On the other hand, phrases are not complete thoughts. The most common usage are two phrases using the same subject.

Example: I love ice cream and adore chocolate.

50% or more of my comma proofreading while editing is either marking an Oxford comma (nearly every publishing house prefers them for clarity) or correcting a conjunction phrase/clause connection.

If you are a writer and working on your second (or sixth) draft, review the conjunction sentences. If a subject is used by the phrases either side of the conjunction and is only in the first phrase, then no comma is needed. If a subject noun appears either side of the conjunction, then two independent clauses appear and a comma is needed.

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Where the Oxford comma meets the conjunction comma.

So what happens when several phrases appear in a list, then the Oxford comma rules.

Example:

I went to the store, I bought cookie dough ice cream, and I forgot my change when I left the store. Afterward, I returned home, and I chowed down on the ice cream.

I went to the store, bought cookie dough ice cream, and forgot my change when I left the store. Afterward, I returned home and chowed down on the ice cream.

As you can see, when three clauses or phrases were used, the Oxford comma was needed for the list, but when only two clauses or phrases were used, only the conjunction comma rule needs to be applied. Since the second example did not have the subject after the “and”, no comma was used.

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Think you got it? Then try these from some of my edits in 2014:

He turned on his heel and stormed out of the computer research lab, slamming the door behind him. (okay)

He was surprised, but ecstatically happy. (remove comma)

His head pounded and his shoulder burned like the fires of hell. (add comma before “and”)

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Back to the original rant:  ‘I sat down, and hired me.’

Since there is no second subject, the “I” applies to both the “sat down” and “hired me” phrases, so the comma needs to be removed. Afterward, the point-of-view character hired himself which is just wrong.

Other Cool Blogs: Magical Words August 18, 2015

Erin Penn

Image courtesy of gubgib at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Style Sheets

I’ve been hunting around for a blog with details about what is needed for style sheets to share with you, my fellow writers, and lo and behold the amazing Melissa McArthur addresses them in her Magical Words “Copy and Line Editing” post.

What is a style sheet? In the old publishing houses, the style sheet provides information about the standards and practices of the publisher. In the editing cycle, the style sheet is created by the author to provide the content (line, copy, and proofreading) editor guidance on spelling of places, capitalization, and the like. An expanded version may be referred to as a “series bible”, aiding in the tracking of characters, locations, and history.

Specific things for a style sheet:

  1. WORDS/GRAMMAR
    • English or American spelling and words? (color/colour; elevator/lift)
    • Spelling of names and nicknames. (Kassandra, Troy)
    • Specialized language – foreign phrases used by characters, contractions (can’t).
    • Created words – for locations, names, and objects.
    • Punctuation and capitalization practices.
  2. CHARACTER INFORMATION
    • Physical: Hair, skin, and eye color; weight and height (and if it changes, when).
    • Body movement: stances, walking style, sitting.
    • What people can see immediately: Preferred clothing, occupation, weapons of choice.
    • Dialogue impacts: Verbal tics, education, voice (cracks, deep, etc.).
    • For a Series Bible – who has met whom.
  3. LOCATION INFORMATION
    • Important locations (for a Series Bible, who has been where).
    • Room layouts (especially for fights).

Starting with a style sheet can slow things down when writing the first draft. But when you start sharing your baby with other people, giving the editors a starting point can bypass at least one round of questions.

Posts which fed into this:

Melissa McArthurs post (and the middle of a three-part series on the levels of editing): http://www.magicalwords.net/melissa-gilbert/copy-and-line-editing/

The Editor Blog, Fiction Editor Beth Hill, “Style Sheets – The Setup and the Benefits”:  http://theeditorsblog.net/2011/07/12/style-sheets-the-setup-and-the-benefits/

Additional Readings:

Lorna Faith. “How to Create a Series Bible for Your Fiction.”: https://www.lornafaith.com/how-to-create-a-series-bible-for-your-fiction/

 

Editing Rant: Bruised and Battered

Erin Penn

Image courtesy of artur84 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I get it. Really I do. Action means characters get into fights. Thriller, mystery, urban fantasy, sword & sorcery – fist-to-cuffs and knife fights, sword clangs and gunshots.

But what makes all these so thrilling is the threat of injury. Not necessarily death; even simple disablement could mean the difference between finding the treasure or the enemy staying two steps ahead.

For the threat of injury to carry weight, the consequences of any injury need to be real and continuous. If a normal person gets a shiner, it takes a couple days for the swelling to go down. A healthy teenager or twenty-something will have a visible bruise for ten days to two weeks; while a sixty-year old, slow to heal and with thinner skin providing more visible bruising, may take a couple months. If writing a fantasy, such  as a superhero or werewolf, healing will be faster and pain is the biggest threat.

This editing rant is based on a book I read (not edited), published by a big house for a named author. A cyber-thriller with “normal” human beings who were exceptional hackers.

I’m going to call them “continuity” issues.

The main point-of-view character gets beat up, a lot. Before his arrest, some people who he had hacked found him and registered their discontent. He barely pulled himself home with a loose tooth, split lip, likely black eye (swelling), and BROKEN ribs (he heard the snap). He arrives home to find the feds, who taser him. Tasering in the real world makes all your muscles contract, which wouldn’t help his injuries but wouldn’t make them noticeably worse. Next time we see the POV, the agent-in-charge only notices the split lip. Please note BRUISED ribs take three to six weeks to heal in healthy adults, BROKEN ribs more so. The book narration reports no medical evaluations or intervention.

When he meets the rest of the hackers, no one thinks anything of his injuries even though they all sleep in the same area. Have you ever gotten out of bed with bruised ribs? I have. Unfun.

How long has passed between the first fight and him getting stuck in the dorm room? No clue, this “thriller” has no ticking clock, and therefore no thriller ride. Best I could figure is about a week, likely less.

The second day in the secret hacker prison/”work-for-us-and-we-erase-stuff” location, the POV gets tasered again and, the same day, a guard “pistons a fist into his side”. Even if the ribs were bruised and on the other side, I seriously doubt a geek-hacker would “launch himself upwards” swinging fists. Getting punched that hard hurts, knocks breath from the body. Doing it in a body area undergoing healing, opposite side (no side specified for either injury so let’s be generous and say opposite side) just means both sides are non-functional.

The POV continues to be a punching bag throughout the story, but I gave up at 25% of the book because the injuries of this normal human being had no impact on his life or the story.

I understand. Someone getting beating bloody in a thriller is a wonderful image. But obey the rules of the world. If you have normal people, SHOW the consequences of the injuries, CONTINUE the consequences of the injuries.

Editing Rant: How Injuries Work Series
1. Bruised and Battered (8/14/2018)
2. Gonna Leave a Bruise (4/13/2021)
3. The Burn (8/13/2024)