Category: Editing Rant

Editing Rant: As You Know Bob

Erin Penn 1 Comment

Image courtesy of the internet Hivemind

You know something is a common issue when TV Tropes has an entire section devoted to defining it and providing examples. “As you know, Bob…” has just such a section.

And still, it persists.

What exactly is an “As you know, Bob” moment? It’s when characters share information which is common knowledge to those involved but might be unknown to the reader. For example:

“As you know Bob, cell phones had a major jump in technology when microprocessors because atom sized.” Bob-two said in the traditional speech of the twentieth century.

Bob responded in the way of modern people *Yes, Bob-two, and then bioprogramming allowed us to integrate it into our DNA allowing us to have the appearance of telepathy if a visitor from the past should visit our space-faring culture.* (As you know bob – 67 words)

These two Bobs both know all of this, having received learned this information years ago. To have them talk about it makes no sense. And yet something along these lines happens all the time in books and television.

The challenge is how does a writer provide the information to the reader without doing a data dump or having a “As you know Bob” moment? How to show without telling?

The following ways are popular: (1) a school setting where background information is shared such as in this Firefly video where the background of colonization is taught to River Tam at the beginning of the Serenity movie. (2) a military briefing where everyone may or may not know all the details and the military is going to make sure everyone knows. (3) a data dump – sometimes you just got to go with informing the readers.

And the best option, integrate into the narrative. Imply and trust your reader.

“Bob, toss me the spanner will you?” Bob-two’s voice rasped from the strain of shouting over the machines.

*When are you going to give in and get the bio-app, you old fossil?* The maintenance apprentice sent to the external-bud the master guildsman had tucked into his ear. The younger man chucked the lightweight alumcarb spanner over.

Bob-two snatched it midair, ignoring the question, instead turning his attention to mechanism which required mechanic intervention. The thought of reprogramming his DNA gave him hives. (As you know bob-two – 83 Words)

WRITING EXERCISE: Create an “As you know Bob” scene of 100 words or less, then change it so it works without the lazy writing trope. Share the results below if you want.

Editing Rant: Don’t Cover Your Mouth

Erin Penn

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

While convention season has changed from In-Person to Video, it never hurts to go over the basic reminders for the people behind the table and how they may apply to the video format.

  1. DO NOT COVER YOUR MOUTH WITH YOUR HAND WHEN TALKING!!!!!

Many of the audience are hearing impaired and need to see your lips move to understand things. In addition, it breaks up the sound waves and your voice doesn’t carry as far and is distorted.

In video format, this can interfere with the microphone picking up your voice. And while you might think that the hearing impaired may be able to just crank the sound louder at home, for some it is a frequency level (high or low pitches) or clarity of words. Keep those hands away from your mouth.

2. Do not sit with arms crossing your chest either when you are talking or listening to others.

I think all of us know enough about body language to understand why. (Yes, ConGregate and other conventions get really cold. While on stage, you are acting and get to suck it up. Just saying.)

In video format, act like you are listening. While it may be hard to keep staring at the camera instead of taking the downtime in a large panel to get some emails responded to, your job is still to act like you are paying attention. Remember this filming is evergreen – two or three years from now, people will see you dissing your fellow authors. Keep an open and attentive persona for the screen.

3. Modesty.

Do not manspread (applies to women too), whether in a kilt/skirt or pants. Often you are set higher than the audience … and they can see everything. Pray for tablecloths to the floor, but don’t expect them. It’s fun and fine to be all sexy on top; showing how far you shave is not fun or fine.

In video format, pants. Wear them. Please.

4. Be polite.

These are paying customers. Even your panel mates. You’re in a customer service gig – smile like you are working as a retail cashier.

In video format, smile. And remember when talking … evergreen and open to the entire world. This is not the time to air any dirty laundry.

5. Get water.

An hour is a long time. Get water at the start because getting up during interrupts the show.

In video format, stick to water. Other items can become problematic while shooting. Milk products produce mucus; sodas gas (burbs and other noises). Adult beverages can limit the audience for your video. Another aspect is the reader who is watching your video is reading what you are drinking INSTEAD OF paying attention to you.

In addition, anything you bring to your mouth will be on screen. This is where the evergreen kicks in – sometimes companies do stupid things a year or ten down the line. Do you ALWAYS want to be associated with this company in every circumstance? 

6. Bathroom break.

Grab a bathroom break before going in if you can.

In video format, prep. Get everything ready that you will need. Test things out in advance for the video and sound and be ready when the “live” format begins.

 

Editing Rant: No Squiggles

Erin Penn

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s okay to ask submission editors why they rejected your work, especially if you reached the full manuscript stage.

You might not like the answer, but you can ask.

I had one person whose unsolicited submission made it past the three chapters. I asked for a full manuscript. After reading and finding multiple problems, I gave general instructions on how to fix them and asked for a Revise and Resubmit (R&R). This is a huge stage to get to. Say out of 100 submissions, three make it past the full manuscript stage. Sure the R&R isn’t exactly happy, and there is no guarantee of sale even with an R&R (so don’t do it unless you agree with the changes recommended – more on that another day), but that is a long, long way into the process. You have something that someone enjoyed reading enough to give it a second chance.

When I rejected it, they very politely asked “if something is standing in the way of my manuscript being accepted.”

Yep. Those blue and red squiggles in Microsoft word. Sure a fantasy or sci-fi will have some for the weird words and names, but basics? Fix them. No squiggles.

The submission had gotten so far, and the author didn’t bother cleaning it up before hitting send.

***

My Full Response: Your voice in the manuscript was fine. I asked for an R&R because I enjoyed the story and thought it had merit for a second consideration. I’m nice, but not re-read a manuscript just to be nice type of nice.

The copula issue is common – I mark it on over half of all authors I work with. And one of my favorite authors, I am constantly reminding him that Word has this thing called spell-check and he really needs to turn it on and use it before sending stuff to me.

The spell-check errors killed the submission. If a writer doesn’t care enough to make sure Word isn’t marking errors, I have a problem caring about editing. Can I trust them to listen to editing advice when they don’t even look for it when it is right in front of them?

Does that make sense? Again, one of my favorite authors sets off this pet peeve of mine – so the peeve gets fed pretty regularly. I try to slim it down when I can (it gets so heavy if I am not careful, and I hate to carry it around), so I stopped reading when those squiggles got to be too much.

Good luck.

Erin Penn
Editor

***

So this poor soul shot themself in the foot. I had given them a second chance with the R&R; they didn’t get a third. The favorite author is under contract and can get away with being a computer Luddite. New folks, not so much.

About one in five unsolicited submissions fail this test. If the squiggles aren’t cleaned up, the writing has to be so amazing I don’t notice the squiggles. And that hasn’t happened yet. Remember your manuscript is passing two tests (1) is it a good readable story that the publisher can market and sell, (2) does the author show they have what it takes to be edited? Those squiggles tell a different tale than you want the publisher to read.