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Editing Rant: God In The Machine

Erin Penn

Image courtesy of cooldesign at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Following DragonCon this year, my publishing house, Falstaff, moved me from line editor to content editor. Not more challenging or less challenging, just different. Now I can make the content corrections I’ve been wanting to. Now I need to really watch out about stepping on a writer’s voice.

One of the things I can address in the content editing state is “Deus ex machina” or “God in the Machine”. Ever been reading a book when something happens having no connection with the story, but saves everything – like the eagles in Tolkin’s Lord of the Ring trilogy or when the hand of God literally appears in King’s The Stand, setting off the nuclear warhead? A writer can push and push and push the limit until they have no idea how to get back. Until they just fix things the way they want them outside the narrative.

Readers read to see how things can be solved, not how the writer can ignore the entire worldbuilding process. As a content editor, I may be able to save a book from god-in-the-machine.

One book I ran into clearly had the writer wanting to hit certain scenes and no logical connection between them. The heroine gets motion sick when spun around by the hero, but then goes on a carousal ride. Another motion sick attack has her in the hero’s trailer to recover and then on the back of his motorcycle to ride home after a single drink of water for recovery. At home, she immediately gets drunk. Because I know I want to get drunk after being motion sick, the two feelings are not related at all (sarcasm font implied).

And the worst offender of the writer just putting things in with no real attachment to the narrative, or a toe dipped in the reality pool: The hero comes across her drunk, and she immediately passes out. After carrying her back to her bedroom, she wakes up hangover free and totally sober so the hero isn’t taking advantage of her when they kiss.

Characters exist in the world. They need to be believable within the world. Reaction follows action. Consistency of character, action, and objects are required. Fixing things by just inserting what the plot point requires without integrating the things into the plot story arch is wrong.

Flash: Bound

Erin Penn

Rating: Mature

Bound.

Bound, hand and foot and wing tip. Eyes covered.

Angels soared.

Untouchable. Holy. Above all others.

Bound.

His own fault.

Temptation wasn’t restricted to the fallen.

The only senses left to him were hearing and scent. And he could smell her. Her soft breath in the room. Her woman place moistening with heavenly debauchery.

His core clenched. He had given up so much to be right here right now. The blindfold imposed a darkness on him, frightening and arousing. The silk bindings tied him to earth like heavy chains and velvet kisses. Terrified, everything was sharpened to perfection.

A hand drifted across his chest. Playing with one nipple, dancing across his stomach. He had no belly button for the fingers to sink into, so they touched each indent of muscles and sinew.

Two hands came to his shoulders and pressed downward.

“Kneel, kneel to me my angelic love.”  The woman’s voice, forgiving sin, harshly pleading.

Willingly he went to his knees. He leaned forward to kiss a belly, delving for the human indent. Finding the center of her creation, the angel’s tongue licked around the edge before darting it in and out. Carefully, so the bones within the tongue did not press.

The woman’s hands curled into his blond tresses, one hand holding his head in place, the other encouraging his head further down. Begging and ordering.

He bowed his head further until hairs tickled his face. Moving forward, he sought out her secrets, holy and hellish, using only his mouth. He sucked her clit and laved her, separating her inner lips until he could taste her manna, her juices.

Leaning as he did, the top of his wings touched her breasts. The nipples hardened as the feathers danced back and forth. He directed the torsion axes to push the mounds together. Warm feathers caressed the womanly structures, directed individually with nerves created to control flight, each tingling as it registered contact and her reactions.

The woman’s knees buckled and she slid to join him in the exotic dirt. He crawled like a worm between her legs, small bits of dust rising like clouds about them. Rolling his tongue, he interlocked the bird-like bones together similar to a human locking an elbow. Sturdy and thick, the tongue, muscle and bone, dived into her road to hell, her channel to heaven.  Again and again, bringing her flavor into his blind darkness.

His wings, bound only in the tips, pushed her legs apart as she shook and bucked. He set the feathers dancing along the knees and inner thighs.

“Oh, God. Oh God.” She screamed prayerfully, ending in a climax chorus. Musical song shouted.

A song he had to hear again. He gathered her cream like a hummingbird sucks nectar, cleansing her nether realm. Her legs twisted against his wings as her lust rebuilt.

He locked his tongue again, but at a slight curve. Inside her being, he sought her bliss. Giving her everything she asked. Touching her soul, so he could follow her into heaven’s punishment.

God made humans in his image, how could he not worship her?

(words 518 – originally appearing at Breathless Press 10/6/2013 for the 4/22/12 Sunday Fun –  – The original photo was of unknown copyright so did not put on my site – published on old blog 10/6/2013; republished in new blog format on 10/8/2017)

Other Cool Blogs: Magical Words September 16, 2017

Erin Penn

All Good Things Come to an End

Every story, at least one hopes, has a solid beginning and an ending. The Magical Words story has come to an end. On September 16, 2017, the final post was uploaded by Misty Massey.

Goodbye Faith Hunter, David B. Coe, C.E. Murphy, John Hartness, Tamsin Silver, A.J. Hartley, Carrie Ryan, Jim McDonald, Melissa Gilbert, Emily Leverett, .. your words and advice have been amazing. I shall miss this informative site.  I have learned so much from what you have shared.

Over the next few days, I will be going through the site looking for memories or missed gems. I don’t know how many blogs are left but I will be looking at them all and saving as many as I can. I also don’t know when the administrators are going to cut it off, so I will be saving as much as I can. As for the existing (and future) Magical Word posts, while the site is up, I will continue to point to it. When the site comes down, I will upload the content to my Magical Words posts.

 

MAGICAL WORDS

Blog: Blogspot Retired

Erin Penn

Yesterday I retired “Erin Penn’s First Base” – erinpenn.blogspot.com.

So much fun initially, the maintenance of two separate, parallel blogs stole time from other tasks once “Erin Penn’s Second Base” started. I’ve been adding posts, updating things as I grab second and minutes, then duplicating the work.

Time. I have to concentrate on what is the best use of my writing time. Having two blogs is not a good use, just like a regular newsletter turned out to be for me.  I am sad to see the “First Base” go, but pleased I am now firmly to “Second Base”.

I wonder what “Third Base” will look like.

– Erin Penn

Book Review: Ice Forged

Erin Penn

Amazon Cover - Ice Forged

Book Cover from Amazon

Below is my the second Apocalypse Fantasy novel book review this year. (Click here to see the other: Shattering the Ley). I guess the end-of-the-world no longer applies to just the Young Adult (YA) sci-fi and horror genres.

Ice Forged by Gail Z. Martin

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON

Condemned as a murderer for killing the man who dishonored his sister, Blaine “Mick” McFadden has spent the last six years in Velant, a penal colony in the frigid northern wastelands. Harsh military discipline and the oppressive magic keep a fragile peace as colonists struggle against a hostile environment. But the supply ships from Dondareth have stopped coming, boding ill for the kingdom that banished the colonists.

Now, as the world’s magic runs wild, McFadden and the people of Velant must fight to survive and decide their fate …

From Gail Z. Martin, author of the beloved series THE CHRONICLES OF THE NECROMANCER and THE FALLEN KINGS CYCLE, comes a new fantasy adventure for the ages.
Welcome to the end of the world.
Welcome to the beginning of THE ASCENDANT KINGDOMS SAGA.

MY REVIEW

Brought during a Kindle sale to kickstart the advance copies of Gail Martin’s next book of the series.

I normally don’t buy High Fantasy, disliking the formulaic approach of the quest – gather the friends – travel the lands – etc. Somehow an author writing High Fantasy never quite makes the world or situation real to me, but the world-building aspects of a magical planet suddenly have magic no longer working the way it should intrigued me. I’ve met Ms. Martin at conventions and the price was right so I decided to go for it.

The first book of The Ascendant Kingdoms Saga focuses on the death of magic and the immediate consequence following. The magic system is just unique enough and is tied to why magic can go from tame and usable in every day life (better tasting beer, a tweak to keep pests out of crops, major magic to use in wars) to a feral, dangerous force roaming the countryside, more ferocious and hungry than any monster.

I liked the Siberian-style prison colony, but wished the continental magic countries and their politics were a little less generic. The world-building fell just a breath below the intriguing I was hoping for. On the other hand, this was the first book of a series. The author needed to define the world, the characters AND the situation. I look forward to book two to see if world becomes uniquely its own as the medieval magical apocalypse continues.

As for the story itself, again just shy of being really good. It just didn’t pull me in all the way, but then I am not a fan of High Fantasy so I am not the best judge success or failure in this genre. Some bits are repetitive, but just enough so that if you need to put down this 600-page tome for a day or two (such as for going to work), you can slip into the story again without flipping back.

The ending is anti-climatic. Some other reviewers thought this was a down-point. I, for one, was happy not to see a big final battle that needed to get bigger and badder with each continuing book of the series. This book is about failure: moral good being punished for doing the right thing the wrong way, a good kingdom falling to a bad kingdom because it obeyed the rules of right, a prison at the end of the world overturned by its convicts – and the convicts discovering they still needed to do everything their keepers made them do, coming home in triumph and discovering there is no home left, and finding all the clues they need but still unable to pull things off. Of course the final scene will close in failure; but it sets up the possibility of success for the next book.

A book I look forward to.