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Flash: Split Checks

Photo by Raphael Renter on Unsplash

“Splitting Image?” I said as I stepped out of my car, looking at the mirror-image neon sign above the restaurant entrance.

Katie smiled at me, making my heart skip a beat, half in fear and half in hope. “You said you wanted to go outside the normal. The place is owned by identical twin sisters and they hire twins and look-similar siblings whenever possible.”

I rubbed my left arm with my right hand after shouldering my purse. “Sounds interesting.”

“Great food and some cool twists on its theme.” She strode across the aisle of the parking lot filled with small cars and minivans with me in her wake. Katie arrived at the entrance first and opened the door for me. I ducked my head and smiled thanks, still unsure about all the protocols.“You’ll love it.”

We’ve eaten enough together as co-workers when the gang of us decompressed after work, she knew my tastes, so I trusted her about that. The inside of the restaurant had a series of columns down the center, and everything mirrored across except the seated patrons. Green carpet, matching booths and tables, light fixtures. The back wall, behind the low partition hiding the server drink station, was an engraved mirror of three swans, two larger ones and one baby, either side of the final column in the room swimming toward each other, with reflections in the rippling water beneath.

The hostess led us to a booth matching an already seated booth with two people on the other side, bringing the patrons back into balance and making me chuckle. Accepting the menu, I asked the woman a burning question, “What happens when parties don’t match?”

Katie facepalmed, but a laugh escaped her as well.

“Well, we seat a new party in the area of their choice,” the woman handed Katie her menu after my date took her hand away from her face, “and if the incoming party doesn’t want to sit at the next appropriate table, well, we make them wait.”

“No,” Katie said surprised, “really?”

“Absolutely, you eat here, you play by my rules.” The woman nodded to the menus. “What would you like to drink?”

“Water for me.” I said.

“Draft beer for me.” Katie picked the plastic holder tucked against the wall and pointed at her favorite on the alcohol list. “I’m not driving.” She looked across at me. “Let me tell you, I’m really liking that.”

“Well, um,” I blushed, stammering. “You’re paying, it’s only fair.”

“I make more,” my younger co-worker stated firmly. “And I asked you out.”

I nod. “Yes, thanks.”

“Do you know what you want to eat, ladies?” our hostess asked.

Katie jumped in, being familiar with the menu. “I’ll have the Apollo Sunshine side salad, hold the peanuts but add extra cranberries if possible.”

“Not a problem.”

“And for the entrée, I’ll have Esau’s wild game stew, split serving.”

“Paper or plastic?”

“The plastic please, the stew doesn’t work well in the paper.”

The hostess grimaced. “Yeah, we are still working finding the right products at reasonable prices for everything.”

“What is the difference between twin and split serving? They have the same price.” I ask, struggling with the unusual size listings on the menu.

“Onsie is an appropriate meal size according to the normal calories an adult male needs each day.” The hostess said. “Twin and split serving are the size serving most Americans expect to get, which is about three times what a person needs, especially a female. Twin brings it out all at once, while split puts half into a bag for you to take home. We deliver the split to you at the end of your meal. Double the meals, double the fun.”

“That sounds … smart.” I glance at my date. “I guess I should order a single, um, onsie.”

“Don’t you dare, girlfriend!” Katie explained. “The food is totally worth a couple days. Half the dishes are even better as leftovers.”

“But, I mean…”

My co-worker narrowed her eyes at me.

“um… what is a good dish?” my voice raised high at the end of the question, more asking if the question would get me out of the dog house than asking the question.

Katie smiled and nodded approval.

“We serve sandwiches, stews, salads, and steaks of various meats.” The hostess gestured at the menu. “If you flip it over, you can find out pasta and seafood list that is available on weekends. Our chalkboard has today’s specials; my personal favorite is the Artemis. Now, if you excuse me, I’ll get your drinks in while you think.” She walked back to the main station, where a party of four just came in.

The Artemis wasn’t on the menu, but I always liked the moon twin as the Virgin protector, so I tilted my head toward the chalkboard and Katie quickly got out of her side of the booth and offered a hand to help me stand. At fifty, my knees have started protesting my long life. I can walk fine and sit fine, but the transition the two states raised protests.

“Thank you.” I said to the thirty-four year old, wondering again why she even was interested in me. A hot shot at work, she already soared beyond me, though not in my management structure, thank the universe for small blessings. Me, I’ve always done well, meeting all requirements, but soaring wasn’t my thing. I like my little world of accounting and human resources, keeping everything moving smoothly for our coworkers.

Her hand remained on my elbow as she guided me to the chalkboard. While the Artemis looked tasty with the choice of game and greens with a moon pie finish, the Pepper & Salt ended up being my choice. I let the hostess know before we made our way back to our table.

“That’s the owner, or one of them, right?” I asked as we sat.

“Yes, the other is the weekday cook.” Katie unwrapped her napkin and utensils. “Denise is the seafood cook and takes over the back on weekends, leaving Deborah in the front. You can tell the difference because Debbie loves to chalk her hair when she isn’t cooking.”

“However did you find this place? It’s new, right?” Oh dear, I dropped into interview mode. Shake it off before I ‘right’ myself out the door.

“They’ve been open for about three months.” Katie leaned back as one of the waitresses set her beer on the table, then my water. The waitress’ twin delivered food to the couple who arrived before us. “I hate cooking for myself. So I’m always trying to find good places. The split option makes this the perfect place.”

“So long as you remember to eat the leftovers.” I added a teasing lilt to my tone, having seen the carnage Katie and the other coworkers leave in the breakroom’s refrigerator beside my carefully labeled bag lunch.

“There is that,” she smirked at me. “But so far, not a single one of these leftovers hit the round bin. They are too good to miss.”

“Now that is a testament.” I responded. “Last time I cleaned out the fridge, you won the most abandoned meals with six.”

“Oh god,” Katie laughed loud enough people turned their heads toward us, making me scoot down a little. “You actually counted?”

I nodded small and whispered, “of course.”

“Of course.” Katie reached across the table to grab my twisting hands. “Of course,” she said softer. “You are amazing. You know that, right?”

I look at our joined hands and shook my head a little side to side.

“Well, you are. Beautiful, bright and amazing.” Katie squeezed my hands before releasing them. “So together about everything, I stand in awe. I mean, I’ve never been in a cleaner car in my life.”

A sound similar to a laugh escaped me as I sat a little higher. “Thank you?”

“No really. The way you decorate the entrance for every holiday. The way you reach out for birthdays and anniversaries.” Katie’s hands started waving, indicating our main office, the little cards I made sure everyone got. “You hold the office together.”

“It’s my job.” I shrug. “It’s what HR does.”

She shook her head firmly. “Not in my experience, and I worked a lot of places before I landed here. You are really good at your job.”

“Thank you.” I ducked my chin down.

Katie paused, her face getting serious under her blond “Karen” bob. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“No.” I rock my head a little. “I … the temperature is fine.”

“No, no.” Katie inhaled, before waving her hand around and explaining. “With this, the date.”

“Oh, no.” The words rushed out. “I’m fine with the date.”

“You seem uncomfortable, and I know you don’t date much.”

“I don’t date at all, not since I got divorced.” I scrunch my nose. “I’m not sure I dated before then. What…” I knock off the count in my head. “three dates in my life, counting this one. Patrick took me to the prom and he took me out the night he asked to marry me.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.” My date’s brown eyes grew round. “He never took you anywhere?”

“No, we are … were, he died two years ago, both homebodies.” I move my silverware to one side as I see our waitress approach.

“But you are okay with this.” Katie waved her hand back and forth between us. “Dating a woman? Dating me?”

“I guess … no, let me state that more clearly.” I smiled bright at her, but paused until the waitress put Katie’s salad in front of her and my sweet-and-sour soup in front of me and returned us to our privacy. “I am very, very happy you asked me out. I never would have had the guts, and you are amazing.”

“The lesbian thing is okay?”

I laugh, stirring the soup to cool it down, letting my eyes fall to it. “Yeah. I’ve always … well, I think … I like women.”

“More than men?” she pressed, spearing an orange slice.

“Oh definitely. So much more than men.” My smile grew crooked. “But, you know, that isn’t expected, and I…” my voice lowered and took a bitter edge, “I do what is expected. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents.”

“Hard-line Christians?”

“Yes. But even more than that,” I try the soup. The sour made my mouth pucker before the sweet teased the edges. “Dad had expectations.”

“Parents always do.” Katie moved the remains of her salad into a smaller pile, the cranberries gleaming in the twin-berry vinaigrette. “Are they going to have a problem if we become friends?”

I sighed. “No, Dad died five years ago and Mom passed before him. It’s why I could get a divorce.”

“Oh.” Katie concentrated on shoveling in the last bits while I had my soup.

Finally, I couldn’t take the silence. “I’m just not as brave as you.”

Katie negated the statement with a wave of her hand. “I have two older brothers who are giving my parents lots of grandkids, and I’m the beloved baby. They breathed a sigh of relief when I officially came out, as I stopped all the teenage angst bullshit once I knew I had my family support. You can take on the world when you got a loving, understanding family at your back.”

I laughed softly. “Would have been nice.”

“Yeah, it is.” Katie nodded. “The fact you are willing to risk it. To break your habits. Wow.”

I pushed the half-finished soup away. I picked up my napkin and pressed it gently against my lips, checking to make sure I didn’t rub too much lipstick off. Finally, my brain came back with an appropriate response to her compliments. I pulled together my insecurities and mashed them down before looking her right in her baby browns. “You are work the risk.”

“Wow.” The blond blushed, the heat rising from her lowcut jacket to the roots of her frosted hair. “You don’t fool around when you give out pretty words.”

“I’m not kidding.”

She reached a hand across the table. “I know.”

“Even if this,” I squeeze her hand, “doesn’t go anywhere. Thank you for reminding me, making me see, I can go after my dreams again.”

She squeezed back.

I think we both lost track of time, certainly of the room, because the next thing I heard was the waitress clearing her throat. We looked over to find her and her twin there with our main entrees. We dropped our hands and pulled them back, leaving the table clear for the food. Her split-serving of the Essau soup gave off a rich meaty smell; my salt-and-pepper steaks-and-eggplant pairing, half-sized with the other half to take home packed away in the back, sizzled on the metal platter.

(words 2,140; first published 1/29/2023)

Other Blogs: David B. Coe, Author of Fantasy

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

January brings a host of resolutions and resolves – the biggest combo is work better and clean stuff. Strangely the work better often comes from cleaning stuff. Having room to work without the mental fatigue of seeing other tasks and duties can make a huge difference in attitude.

David B. Coe describe this dilemma and solution in his Professional Wednesday: Tending to Our Work Space (May 18, 2022). (The direct link is: https://www.davidbcoe.com/2022/05/18/professional-wednesday-tending-to-our-work-space/ – last viewed 12/12/2022)

Between package season for my post office job and tax season for my other day-job, my desk is buried in paperwork and project lists and I don’t know when I will get through it all. There are tasks years old that I still mean to get to someday. My honey-do list to myself.

When I did the yard hole-fill-in last year (see lawn leveling), I got rejuvenated. A task weighing me down was released to the ether. Hope raised and danced the jig for a time.

WRITING EXERCISE

Take two hours (or whatever the project needs) and clean one thing you’ve been meaning to clean. This isn’t a procrastination from writing, but an energy building project. Clean something bothering in the line of sight of your desk. Squeaky wheel – WD-40. Leaky pen – throw it out and replace. One stack of papers that keeps shifting – actually clear it. If it drains energy instead of putting a smile on your face when sitting at your writing desk, fix it.

Just one thing today.

Maybe you need to have one hour of your writing week set aside to maintaining your HAPPY work space. Think about it. If the mess is draining your writing, making it hard to start or to maintain, then something needs doing. Maybe an all out attack like Mr. Coe did over several days (he is a full-time writer, so take that into account on his ability to focus), maybe a happy tree fix once a week.

Comment below on what you did to make your writing space more pleasant to work in this week.

From the Internet hivemind

 

Writing Exercise: Inciting Incident Part 2

Amazon Cover

My book club this month read “The Poppy War”, a grimdark fantasy novel based on Chinese history.

Its inciting incident leaped out to me and made me think about the 5/24/2022 Writing Exercise on inciting incidents. deconstructing it in my mind.

WRITING EXERCISE: Using a novel you are reading or recently read, take apart its inciting incident. (The manuscript used needs to be at least novella length and the first of the series, to give the inciting incident a reason for being.) Comment below what book you chose and why. Review the previous writing exercise for details about inciting incidents.

My attempt

As I said, The Poppy War inciting incident stood out to me … because it had so little to do with the rest of the story. It could have been removed from the book and virtually nothing would have changed … except it is the pebble that starts the avalanche. 

Quick review on what an inciting incident needs:

(One) Early in the book – check. Aside from the opening flash forward, the marriage proposal starts the book.

(Two) Disrupts the status quo – This is where the marriage proposal becomes important. While life truly is horrible for our protagonist, she is well used to it at this point. She works the shop, protects her little brother as best she can, and knows how to manipulate her adoptive mother enough to avoid the worst of the abuse. Being married even to someone in the same village, will change everything in her life, and not for the better as far as she can see. Especially at 14, to a twice divorced older male. Big disruption.

(Three) Not under the protagonist’s control – And this is where the inciting incident of the marriage proposal is different from her waiting for answers on the test she took. Rin chose to start studying for the Keju test, she arranged for her professor, she took control of her life to take the test. Even while waiting for the answer to the test, everything related to it was under her control. But the marriage proposal, nothing was under her control. Her adoptive mother wants it, the marriage maker didn’t even consult her, her possible intended never talked to her. 

Similar to the inciting incident in Harry Potter is receiving the letter. Nothing in his life ever prepared him for this. But the Sorting Hat, while seemingly not under the children’s control does listen to them and is influenced by Harry’s wish not to be Slytherin. In the Wizard of Oz, the inciting incident is the tornado. 

(Four) Forces a difficult choice – Rin chooses to take the Keju, and then further, chooses to leave home. While the leaving everything she knows behind is as disruptive to the status quo as the marriage, the difference is the protagonist chooses this “Call to Adventure”.

Oh, wow. I figured why the inciting incident bothers me so much. Usually the Inciting Incident for fantasy is a “call to adventure” – something that leads the person into the magical world. But in Rin’s case, she isn’t so much responding to a call as avoiding something unpleasant. The inciting incident so mundane, it doesn’t match the normal expected Call to Adventure or other Fantasy magic. In fact, the inciting incident is so hateful to her she twice uses it to whip herself down a path when things get rough. Anything was better than going back.

In conclusion, the inciting incident of The Poppy War stuck out like a sore thumb, different from normal fantasy and not really fitting in to the rest of the book, and yet it meets all the classic needs of the Inciting Incident – including and especially the fact the marriage proposal wasn’t under her control,

Flash: Calm

Photo by Hisu lee on Unsplash

Hear the sounds. The drip of the evening dew off the leaves. The chirps of the listen-ins. The hiss of the steams in the surrounding hot springs. Let your mind drift.

Your arms have disconnected from your body. Your legs float in the cosmos. You are one with the stars.

Smell the scents. The light salt of the water. The sweet of the cherry-bite trees along the edge of the spring. The sharp of the gathering ozone of morning. Clear your mind of everything.

Breath in slowly. Inhale space. Fill your lungs with nothing.

Hold, let the worries and cares cross into the vacuum.

Breath out slowly. Release your old life. Forget.

All there is left in the waters is who you should be.

The mantra continued to be vibrated directly into Fhergus’ inner ear. Some people swore by this nonsense, he just needed to bring his brain cycles into a calm enough state to pass the psych-evals. Come on, calm faster!

(words 162 – first published 10/3/2022 – from a picture prompt for a Facebook writing group. Aim is about 50 words)

Geeking Science: Decision-Making Fatigue and Mental Load

Photo by Niklas Hamann on Unsplash

New year. Same energy levels.

A lot of it has to do, not with work and effort, but making decisions, especially for women. If both partners are working full-time, and come home and only one is making all the decisions there, someone has two full-time jobs even if the other partner is helping out when asked. Often putting together enough energy to ask for help takes as much energy as doing it yourself.

Sit down with your partner and split the decision-making and the task work. When I had a partner, I figured out making meals (making the meal plan, creating the grocery list, shopping and stocking the food, cleaning the cooking area, cooking to schedule so all the dishes come out at the same time, setting the table, clearing the meal dishes and cooking pans, doing the dishes, and putting everything away) took as much decision-making and task energy as THE REST OF THE HOUSE COMBINED (yard work, laundry, and clearing & cleaning).

If you have a partner, find time to sit down and state how to help with various tasks. Like “I’ll do the laundry and put things in baskets by the door, and you take them and put them away when you see them out.” If cues can be set up to let the other person know when and how to help, the decision maker doesn’t need to make another decision of asking each and every time (becoming a nag). “After the last kid leaves the table, can you get it cleared immediately while I work on the kitchen, then jump in with the kids and get their homework started.”

And both sides need to say thank you.

Emma’s “You Should have Asked” – https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ – is such a shout out to how women are buried under the combination of full-time work AND house work. And, no, it isn’t the case in every house – I know two homes where the male partner is the stay-at-home parent – but in the vast majority, it is the case and that needs to be changed. And as we know change comes only two ways – preparation (talking and planning) or disaster. Don’t wait for the person doing double-load on the decision making to collapse. Have the conversation and find out what are the hidden tasks and decisions you might not be noticing.

Men outsourcing mundane decision making to women and causing decision fatigue – meanwhile they get to preserve their brains for work. (Anne 2022)

If both are working outside the home, it doesn’t matter how “high-powered” the job is, both are constantly making decisions for work. Stocking shelves depends on which needs to be stocked when (say morning coffee needs to be out first, but school supplies by three, and dinner makings by six), how much, and where. In a partnership (marriage or living arrangement), one of the couple is not the home manager.

Okay, now to focus on the GEEKING SCIENCE part of this.

decision fatigue … is a state of mental overload that can impede a person’s ability to continue making decisions (Berg 2021)

The pandemic has made this worse for everyone. A simple run to a store now has four or five additional decisions, especially when COVID-19 started in impacting life in 2020 – mask or not mask, which store, what has the least risk, do we really need this, who is the house is best suited to go. People were exhausted learning how to zoom, work from home, deal with the home stuff – heck, how to dress for the day! Nothing was the same anymore. That first year everyone was in a haze. Most thought “shock”, but a lot of the exhausted-haze was being buried under decision-making from the lost of routines.

It used to be a joke of a woman “can’t decide what to eat.” That was because she was buried under the house-management and the day-job together and used up all her decision-making ability. During COVID, even the previously protected privileged from double-decision-management, started “binge-watching” Netflix at night … not so much from “I want to see this entire show in one sitting” as “I sat on the couch and stared at the black screen and pushed a button out of habit. I couldn’t get the energy to make the decision to turn it off and go to bed.” People started skipping meals, not because they weren’t hungry, but because they couldn’t decide TO EAT, let alone WHAT to eat, or HOW to make something to eat.

As the brain exhausts its decision-making through the day, it starts doing shortcuts – impulse, avoid, procrastinate, and just don’t decide at all. One of the reasons expensive decisions should be made early in the day; shopping for food at night rather than in the morning will have a lot more impulse buys. Fast food buys happen more at night. The shopping channel sells more at night.

Doctors recommend making lists before shopping to reduce decision-making in the store. You cut out entire aisles of choices with a list in hand. (Berg 2021)

Become aware of mental load and decision fatigue. Maybe some of the New Year resolutions should focus on reducing decisions. Things like “I will create a routine of setting out my clothes at night.” and “Me and my partner will make meal decisions for the week on Saturday and post it on the fridge.”

Take care of yourselves y’all. Work together and support each other.

(Interesting side-note – Anne is Kenya and Emma is France. This is not just an American or European thing.)

Bibliography

Anne (AuDHD Electrical Engineer. @W_Asherah). “Someone has asked me what else I’ve observed. And oh boy – there’s another really messed up one. Men outsourcing mundane decision making to women and causing decision fatigue – meanwhile they get to preserve their brains for work.” twitter.com. 6/14/2022. – last viewed 12/13/2022. (see below for extra)

Berg, Sara. “What doctors wish patients knew about decision fatigue.” AMA (American Medical Association). 11/19/2021. https://www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/public-health/what-doctors-wish-patients-knew-about-decision-fatigue – last viewed 12/13/2022.

Brusie, Chaunie. “Moms’ Decision-Making Fatigue is More Real Than Ever.” healthline.com. 7/8/2020. https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/moms-decision-making-fatigue-is-more – last viewed 12/13/2022.

Chandler & Alexis. “Your wife is your partner not your mom!!!” youtube.com 9/22/2022. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2XVCr6l50g&t=7s – last viewed 12/13/2022.

Emma. “You should’ve asked.” 5/20/2017. https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ – last viewed 12/13/2022.

Twitter post

Since Twitter is having a meltdown, I’ve retyped the screen shots for (Anne 2022) below. (Bolding is my emphasis.)

  1. Someone has asked me what else I’ve observed. And oh boy – there’s another really messed up one. Men outsourcing mundane decision making to women and causing decision fatigue – meanwhile they get to preserve their brains for work. Let me look for the thread (June 14, 2022)
  2. Autism and gender. Do you have a woman in your life who knows everything, plans everything, thinks for everyone, helps solve all problems? Does everyone depend on that woman so much they would be lost without her? Her friends, family, colleagues?
  3. Then joking about “how women can’t decide what to eat” like it’s a cutesy thing. Sir, your (insert) has been making so many decisions that her brain has shut down and won’t let her make any more. She’s literally struggling with comprehending the stuff on the menu. Help her!
  4. The human brain doesn’t have limitless decision-making capacity – it has a bandwidth which when exhausted, someone struggles to think even the most basic thoughts. It’s why you’ll get shouted at for asking “where can I find the spoon.” That “I don’t know” is honest.
  5. The brain, at that moment, doesn’t have the bandwidth to figure out where the spoon is – even when it’s something they put somewhere ever day. It’s super easy for Autistics to realize this in themselves because our social bandwidth is near non existent – we guard the little we have.
  6. (next several tweets are links to articles about decision-making fatigue – some are behind paywalls, but (Berg 2021) is part of the bibliography)
  7. If you relate with both threads – you need a mental health regroup. It’s bad bad. You need to collect yourself before you’re on several sets of antipsychotics for people reasons. If you’re already on them, see if you’re medicating the symptom and try dealing with the source.
  8. It’s 1 pm in Kenya. Off I go.
  9. (thread date changes to June 15)
  10. I don’t know why anyone thinks I’m interested in debating things that impact women’s mental health. Like okay, your sensibilities have been offended and you’re emotionally hurt – learn emotional regulation, sir. I’m here talking to people who are literally breaking down healthwise
  11. And do you know what happens when women show up sick in hospital? They are told they are anxious. They are told “it’s all in your head“. Then when we talk about things that make women anxious and affect their mental health, there’s clowns who want to center themselves.
  12. This isn’t about me. Repeat that to yourself enough times. It’s about people who should start caring for themselves as much as they care for others. Because few people ask “how is the person caring for me doing?”. They just take and drain. And that causes health problems.
  13. We are anxious. We are fatigued. Some are burned out. Some are severely burned out. Someone decides to tweet likely explanations to other women. You get offended because “that’s not the case in my life as a man”. Well, great. Clap for your exceptional self and keep moving.
  14. (Retweet from OziomaOnukogue.eth: Another name for this is: Mental Load. This book by Emma explains it all. We end up making <so many> small tiny decisions that’s there’s barely space to focus on big ones. Yes, the brain freezes from overwork, just like a computer. That’s why it’s not helpful to call women multitaskers.)

Some responses (not copying the twitter tags on these)

  1. On the verge of tears because my God all of this! I’m so tired that by the end of the day I’m literally only capable of staring at the wall.
  2. Yes and once I get the baby to bed I just want to sit and relax but get flak from my SO for not showing interest in him. I’m so tired.
  3. Funny, I still had to make all the decisions in my house even when I ALSO had a full time job.
  4. I’m a single mom now and still make all the decisions. But at least no one criticizes me for them now. Somehow it’s easier. (RESPONSE: Makes sense. If he wasn’t a partner in making decisions, then without him you have one less mental/emotional dependent.)
  5. The number of men I know who “don’t know where things go” in their own drawers/kitchen/refrigerator/house. (RESPONSE: And if you ask them to put it away anyway, they will choose the single most ridiculous, obviously wrong place for it and then do the “but you wouldn’t tell me where to put it.”
  6. I started answering the “whatever you want” with “I want not to have to decide”