Flash: Get Your Goat

Photo by Divine Effiong on Unsplash

Rising over the horizon, the blue-white star standing in for the gentle Sol of the homeworld burned off the night fog in moments, making Neelo grateful for his Ozone rings to keep the UV radiation at bay. As long and hard as they have tried, some people still needed to work outside during daylight hours. He snapped on his goggles and went in search for the persnickety goats which had managed to avoid the herding dogs.

(Words 76 – first published 11/27/2022 – from a picture prompt for a Facebook writing group. Aim is about 50 words)

Flash: Are You Thinking What I am Thinking?

Photo by Andrew Ebrahim on Unsplash

Dejoy plopped down beside me at the back of the classroom. “Are you thinking what I am thinking?”

“Lord fuck no, I hope not.” I glanced up and made sure Ms. Leonhardt was still taking attendance.

Dejoy and me go way back; she should have never given us assign seats next to each other.

“Yeah. I hope not too.” A smile cracked his face wide.

But I know. I know we are thinking exactly the same thing.

“No.” I shook my head. “No. I’m not getting detention today.”

“Then how about…”

“Fine. Will do.”

Tamsin who sat in front of us turned around. “You guys are the weirdest.”

“A-yep.” My crooked smile matched Dejoy’s.

***

“Are you thinking what I am thinking?” Dejoy waved the fourth bottle of his six-pack back and forth.

Halfway through my wine bottle sans glass, because who needs extra dishes?, I respond with, “Lord fuck no, I hope not.”

Dejoy and me go way back; I should have known not to drink with him after his breakup with Tamsin.

“Yeah. I hope not too.” A sad smile had him staring into the hole at the top of his empty bottle.

But I know. I know we are thinking exactly the same thing. But I won’t be a rebound, and we will never be friends like that. I hate to see him hurting.

***

“Are you thinking what I am thinking?” Dejoy demented smile seemed to have touches of rigor mortis at the edges as he stared at me across the table from where he attempted to study for his exit exams.

“Lord fuck no, I hope not,” my response immediate and flat.

Dejoy and me go way back; don’t know why any of the teachers thought we would make good study buddies. But, hey, both of us were in the top 10% of the community college despite it. He studied my face more thoroughly than he had been studying his books. Dejoy’s overlarge head tilted sideways like Chewy, my old puppy used to do.

Hesitantly he grunted, “Yeah. I hope not too.” His smile edged away like the sun getting covered in clouds.

I know. I know he understood my dark, angry thoughts about graduation. About the war they are fighting along the coasts around the planet. About my dad’s deployment and my mother’s suicide attempt last night, which I hadn’t talked about yet but would. All those things making these final two tests meaningless enough to blow off for ice cream and running screaming through the woods afterwards like we’ve done a million times. But not today, and not likely ever again. Sorry to bring you down buddy.

***

Dejoy glanced sideways at me before whispering. “Are you thinking what I am thinking?”

“Lord fuck no, I hope not.” I met his eyes only for a moment before returning to the piles of paperwork that matched the piles on his desk, and the desks of everyone in the room. I waited two long inhales, hoping against my daily growing despondency to see if our Overseer noticed. A tiny smile curved across my downward tilted face, the unused muscles fighting the deepening frown lines. What I was thinking was very much Not Safe for Work.

Dejoy and me go way back; they never should have put us next to each other. Not that anyone was going to be telling those now in charge who knew whom before.

“Yeah. I hope not too.” His voice was a low hiss as he kept his head down.

But I know. I know we are thinking exactly the same thing.

(word 601, first published 9/18/2022)

 

Flash: Rain Rain, Go Away

Photo by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash

Torrential rains kept ahead of the windshield wipers, obscuring the road to the point staying on it was more a product of guesswork and the straight arrow nature of roads in middle America than my ability to see the reflective paint. Fortunately, the likelihood of anyone else being on the road was close enough to nil, I managed the sixty miles-per-hours my passengers required without feeling like I was endangering an innocent soul. Five quick lightning flashes, one bolt I swear crossed right in front of the SUV, followed by thunder hid the final beep I’ve been waiting for.

The oversized vehicle slowed, and finally putted to a stop.

“Have we arrived?” The Alien with the least bumps on his shoulders asked as I pulled over to the rumble strip just in case someone else had been required to play guide to our unwanted planetary guests. “I do not see facility.”

“No sir, I’m sorry sir.” I tried really hard to keep a smile from cracking my face. Reminding myself that these were Aliens, with a capital A, and I had no clue how they would actually react to anything, and normal humans in the tyranny style have shot the messenger, helped a lot. “We ran out of gas.”

“Gas.” It repeated through the translation matrix on its wrist, cutting and pasting my word complete with my inflection.

“Gasoline?” I responded, trying to find the word they had in the T-max. “Petrol? Go-juice? Petroleum? Hydrocarbon Propellent?”

It shifted in the passenger seat. “Hydrocarbon Propellent – yes, we are out of?”

Oh cripes, someone compelled to help create the language matrix really hated these guys. Kudos for getting away with it. If that someone got away with it. If not, may they be in good company upstairs.

“Yes. The car consumed all the hydrocarbon propellent in the storage tank.”

The lowest of the six I was escorting to the secured base they set up in Kansas turned to the rest of its cohort in the back and explained the situation. The one I nicknamed ScienceGuy since I picked them up yesterday interrupted the Lowman, turning on his own T-max. “We have enough propellent to make it to the base.”

“No sir, I’m sorry sir. That is not the case.” I learned ScienceGuy started by stating his theories as facts. I’m guessing because of issues with translation; I would be disappointed if a space-faring species capable of destroying sixteen major cities on Earth, and half our population with them, was so piss-poor at scientific thought they stated their initial investigation as though they were working from facts and laws instead of the unknown and theories.

Evidence says otherwise though.

Still, he hadn’t killed me yet for disputing his statements. Something I would wager would go otherwise if I talked back to those higher in the cohort structure.

Three booms kept speech from happening for a few moments. Once the storm quieted down a little, ScienceGuy rebutted, “The specifications for the vehicle indicated enough hydrocarbon propellent to cover the distance at the speed we required to meet our time of arrival.”

He had said the same exact thing, nearly word-for-word when I asked if they wanted gas before we left the last food stop. The cohort barely took two hours to eat, scarfing it down for the Aliens. They been pushing it since they arrived in Dallas, wanting to be at the Kansas base where their ships could return them to orbit.

“Sometimes vehicles do not meet specifications.”

“Poor technical design of a subpar species. When do vehicles not meet specifications?”

“Um. Speed, faster and slower than optimal, changes gas mileage – propellent usage. But you already took that into account.” I mulled it over. I hadn’t deliberately sabotaged anything. I was waiting for a really, really good moment. “Repair. Something wrong with the engine, but, no, this baby has been great.”

“It is a young vehicle?” ScienceGuy asked.

“Young ve-hic …oh, Baby. No sir, I’m sorry sir, slang. Vocabulary degeneration usage.” I shook my head to myself before tensing as the storm cleared enough for me to make out the color of the clouds. Green. My eyes started darting as much as I could politely do so, looking for downdrift on the storm clouds. “I mean the vehicle is in good repair and it shouldn’t affect propellent usage. Road surface also had impact, but the road has been great.”

“Has the vehicle been sabotaged?”

“No sir. It would not have done as good as it had in this storm if anyone had deliberately injured the vehicle.” I snapped my fingers, figuring it out. “Storm! It was the rain, sir.”

“The rain?” ScienceGuy asked, leaning forward, getting excited with an answer he wasn’t expecting.

“Yes sir, the rain.” I waved at the outside, clearing as the eye of the storm passed overhead. Bless flat Kansas, I could see the lights of the Alien compound about five miles away. “Individual impact of the water droplets increases the propellent usage, as the rain is harder to push through than empty air. Each hit, as we move forward, slowed us a little, so we needed more propellent to maintain the speed you required.”

“Rain does this?” ScienceGuy’s coloring along his lower plates shifted two shades of green darker. “It is just water, hardly different than air.”

“Yes sir, no insult, but you spend a lot of time in space. Water has a lot of unique properties on planet, and its interaction with weather can be … momentous.” Several clouds along the coming second half of the storm, likely hurricane – don’t know for certain since they shot down all our satellites, were doing the swirl thing. It could just be a normal cycle of thunderstorms and we were between bands. “Rain impacted the propellent usage and we have run out of the hydrocarbon propellent.” Cursing myself for needing to make the offer, but knowing it was the moment I’ve been waiting for.  “Do you want me to go to base and get some?”

“No. We do not keep propellent at the base. It has been used in sabotage.”

ScienceGuy and Lowman bounced ideas back and forth in their click language until the Alien with the most bumps on his plates declared something. It didn’t bother with having a T-max. At its order, everyone opened the doors and started getting out as the first of the drops restarted as the back half of the storm arrived. The side with the funnel clouds.

The one I called Nervous Nellie, the only other guy with a T-max asked, “Kangaroos, do you have kangaroos?”

“Oh, shit, you guys were in Australia?” The stories that we were getting from the Land from Down Under about our Aliens dealing the Earth’s death continent were nothing short of delightful to us survivors of the First Strike, “No sir, I’m sorry sir. No kangaroos here.”

“Emus? Any deadly spiders?”

No wonder Nervous Nellie was so twitchy. “Kansas has few deadly creatures, and most of them will be hiding from the storm.” I started walking toward the far-off shelter, pulling down the brim of my hat. “All we got to worry about is the wind and rain. And maybe lightning.”

“Water and air.” I could see Nervous Nellie deflate as he said the words. Literally, his plates lowered closer to his body. “No biological threats.”

“No sir, I’m sorry sir. No biological threats.” I smiled as we walked, watching the darkening clouds hide the funnel touching down between us and the base we were walking toward. The wall of swirling wind took off away from us, toward our destination. As the heavens opened up another deluge, I saw another funnel twist over, closer to the base. I could barely make out how wide it was, but I could pick out the roar against the thunder and striking rain. I held back a chuckle.

One of the bumpy guys without a T-max was already limping in the rain, a couple of plates on one of his legs looked cracked. About the shape of a kangaroo kick. The now pouring rain flowed over the cracks weird. I wonder if the wind blew into those cracks.

“Nothing to consider combatant.” Nervous Nellie sounded completely relieved.

ScienceGuy agreed.

Nope sir, I’m sorry sir, nothing to worry about, consider combatant, at all, I thought to myself as I pressed against the low-level hurricane winds smiling wide.

(words 1,403; first published 7/10/2022)

Flash: Computer Matching

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

Summer studied the sheet. It would be her first date since she and Hammer parted ways. Sure the Utopia Match Personality System had matched them, and they got along, even signing a three-year contract with an option for another seventeen with offspring clauses. The mating should have worked; they had been successfully matched on many levels. But somehow it wasn’t enough for him, even at a nine on the compatibility matrix. He wanted to restrict further than code-acceptable and paired outside matrix options with a coworker.

The matrix disapproved of coworker matching for romantic purposes as the community narrows too far for emotional support.

But to drop from a nine to a mere five, the lowest the system allowed. Scary. Had she failed that badly? Did the code punish failure?

Especially her only failure. Her work was a standard seven, but she excelled at it and recently got upgraded to a specialty making it an eight match. Her housing, now that she no longer needed to take Hammer’s needs into account, allowed her to move into the tiniest studio apartment, gaining her a ten approval. Her circle of friends between work and housing ranged from seven to nine.

But five, a five for a potential love interest?

The male describe stood taller than her. Yes, it was superficial, but her chemical programming just didn’t do well when the man was shorter than her. Hammer soared eleven inches above her five four. This man, Merc, income was from handwork, physical labor, plumbing of all things in this day and age, with a side as art installment, whatever that means, while hers came from interviewing for work matches, in particular logistics and cataloging. His housing was the weird greenhouse mix on Mason Rd, with trees on the balconies and vines and flowers covering the façade set aside for those needing green spaces but not qualifying for employment in food production or other high land usage. She didn’t even bother looking at the personality traits and expansions.

May as well get it over with so she can get a different match next week. She clicked acceptance, then followed the prompts through possible food service locations midway between their homes. After picking three choices, she skipped activities. Hammer didn’t like to do much of anything but work training videos and encouraged her to do the same. His support got her three levels of promotions in two years, but the pursuit of labor had made her other interest fade to nothing. Since the person she would be meeting made his work through physical labor, he likely would be happy just sitting doing nothing except eating.

***

Merc growled at the newest match sheet. A cookie-cutter woman, average worker, gaining social status but claiming the smallest housing footprint allowed. The second page showed run of the mill opinions on political and social matters, coded within a character of the school standards. If the Utopia System didn’t require everyone to meet certain number of community credits weekly he would burn it and work on his sculpture all weekend. On the fifth page of the package, he discovered why the matrix thought he could tolerate the blonde yes-er for the two hours required meeting. She danced, or had opted for it in the adolescent levels. No indication of doing it since graduation and her first match.

Two years in that match with a small social penalty for leaving the contract early. That might explain the housing option, trying to regain points. A yes-er dropping below seventy-five on Optimal Community did desperate things. He wondered what she thought of his forty-six rating. He barely qualified for food benefits, not really a problem because of his work specially drew so few people and no matter how much Utopia pretended everything was computerized, people still drunk water and need to take shits. Plumbing let him live at an eighty Optimal.

The match sheet indicated acceptance on her part and gave three food options. The first ever-popular hydroponic Calorie Requirement Site and the other two recent upticks on Community links. His mistake for taking so long to respond. Having just rewired the hydroponic levels at the CRS in midtown, he knew the food would be substandard for about three weeks until the kinks worked out. And he hated places working on climbing the rankings, their food became the blandest repeatable inoffensive unimaginative product possible.

She had left the activity option blank, offering now options. He called up the midtown activity list for approved Community Activities for first Interactions, the list automatically set to show from most popular to lease, so he scrolled down to the bottom then worked up, The fourth from the bottom was in the same building as one of the uptick restaurants she had chosen.

Clicking, he made reservations for the calorie outlet and the activity provider for the next night.

***

Somehow Merc had made the meal conversation all about her, where Summer had grown up, gone to school, and her electives in school. He missed his calling in interviewing, she barely noticed the food in a place rated eight of ten.

After turning down dessert for the both of them, though as a physical worker his calorie allotment had to exceed what they ate, he offered his hand. “I know you hadn’t picked an activity, but I found one three floors up. Want to try?”

“Is it intensive?” she asked, shaking her hair back behind her shoulder, “I wouldn’t want you to put you out after you worked all day.”

He snorted. “I just ran pipes in crawl spaces for six hours, I could use something to shake things out.”

Together they walked out the restaurant and headed to the elevators for the City Block they were in. Looking up, she asked, “So what activity did you choose or is it a secret?”

“Level sixty-four,” he said stepping into the slide cart, with her taking the next one.

Hammer and her often shared carts, but Merc shoulders touched either side of the box on his own and she wasn’t ready to be that close to him, even for a three-level rise. He was a gentleman for the dismount, holding out his hand to steady her.

“No secret.” He stepped aside, allowing her to see the entire level was dedicated to ice skating.

She had never ice skated in her life. “I … how does this work?” Her eyes studied the few people gliding across the surface. What did this rank as for Community Activities, a fifteen? She had never seen an emptier place within Utopia.

“Don’t know, but should be fun to find out, that looks like the intake module over there.” He kept his hand on her elbow as they walked across the carpeted area.

The machine accepted their Community Credits and recorded their interaction. The ranking for points including bonuses for physical activity and creativity, and even then barely broke a fifty. Still, it didn’t drag down her numbers. Her regular midday calorie outings with her co-workers and evening activities in her City Block residence keep her records high. The Ice Skating, being outside her normal community and activities got additional bonuses for expanding her community.

While Merc had been fast about entering his information, his low Optimal Community rating had shocked her. How did anyone get that low?

After watching the required tutorial, Merc helped Summer get the ice skates on and she did the same with him.

***

“Then we made complete fools of ourselves.” Summer told the three co-workers on her next work day over their calories.

“Just how many times did you fall Summer? I noticed you having problems walking back and forth from the waiting room to the interview room today.”

Summer felt heat rise up her neck, indicating a flush which she hoped they would take the obvious reason for embarrassment. “A lot. I picked up some bruises.” She bit her lip, figuring what else would be Community Appropriate to share about her extremely long and unexpectedly energetic recreational days. “We laughed a lot.” She stuffed the some of the hydroponic leaves into her mouth.

“So second match meeting your next romantic require day or back to the matrix?” Jessmaine asked.

Grifter swirled her cup, so the bobbles knocked together. “With laughing, I vote for second meet, even if he left your bottom bruised.”

Summer managed to swallow her leaves without choking. “Yes, we made arrangements to meet again. He wants to go to the Tower Gardens but needs my Standing. They raised the minimum to get in the doors again. It’s like they don’t want the people who need open spaces the most from getting in.”

“You know it is just to encourage everyone to be part of the Community.” Jessmaine said, while folding up her recyclable plate and napkin. “Disruptors have to be controlled.”

Glancing down at the last of her salad, Summer swallowed the words, Do they though?

“Kind of you to take him there.” Grifter downed the last of her stimulant liquid before standing. “I hope you get more laughter.”

“I’m sure I will.” Summer picked up her scraps and joined them at the recycle area, controlling her gait for leftover soreness of the ice skating and the other activities she enjoyed with Merc. “Grift, don’t forget we need to fill five slots for the Hogshead Street Storage. I interviewed six people today and none of them had any businesses asking for transferred to new skill areas.”

Grifter pinched her nose bridge. “How much longer before we can put in a request to code training for logistics?”

“Three more work days.” Summer replied.

“Five days too long.”

(words 1,612, first published 1/12/2024)

Book Review (SERIES): Strange Planet

Amazon Cover

Strange Planet (series) by Nathan W. Pyle

  1. Strange Planet
  2. Stranger Planet
  3. Greetings from Strange Planet (postcards)
  4. Strange Planet: Existence Chronicle
  5. Strange Planet: The Sneaking, Hiding, Vibrating Creature

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON

Straight from the mind of #1 New York Times bestselling author of NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette and 99 Stories I Could Tell Nathan W. Pyle, Strange Planet is an adorable and profound universe in pink, blue, green, and purple, based on the phenomenally popular Instagram of the same name!

Strange Planet covers a full life cycle of the planet’s inhabitants, including milestones such as:

The Emergence Day
Being Gains a Sibling
The Being Family Attains a Beast
The Formal Education of a Being
Celebration of Special Days
Being Begins a Vocation
The Beings at Home
Health Status of a Being
The Hobbies of a Being
The Extended Family of the Being
The Being Reflects on Life While Watching the Planet Rotate

With dozens of never-before-seen illustrations in addition to old favorites, this book offers a sweet and hilarious look at a distant world not all that unlike our own.

MY REVIEW FOR STRANGE PLANET

The repurposed dead tree body provided much enjoyment. Mr. Pyle has shared a deception-truth imagination which inflames the top jelly and melts the pump muscle. I will accept his words as my new reality.

MY REVIEW FOR STRANGER PLANET

Stranger Planet is book two from online comic series and is nearly, but not quite, as funny as the first. Still an excellent diversion and worth the price of admission – since the price of admission allows Mr. Pyle to continue to create the online comic.

In the words of the comic:
Reimburse creation-makers and they continue to creation make. This is desirable.