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Flash: Flower Power

Woman with Flower Stock Art

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Rating: Mature (Language)

“Gods, I cannot believe what a bunch of losers you guys have become.” Donnie waved with the hand not holding his beer, encompassing the group sitting throughout the upscale living room where they had collapsed after an exhausting evening of interspecies political wrangling. The rant went on and on about the old days and how everything had changed since his friends started pairing off with “the girls,” finally ended with, “We’re monsters for crying loud!”

The host adjusted himself on the arm of the cream and maroon striped settee to better watch his wife as she bustled around the kitchen. “Just because I have chosen to hand the reigns to someone does not mean I am tame.” He nodded happily as Ketzal gave him a wave before she opened the refrigerator. With her hidden behind the stainless steel door, Ebon returned his full attention to his guests, smiling with his canines exposed.

“Get real, the ring on your hand is like a ring through your nose,” Donnie sneered. “Dude, you are so pussy whipped I can’t even hear the crack of the leather anymore.”

Ebon moved faster than even the vampire of the group of immortals could observe. One moment Donnie was leaning against the sofa with Maria and Lorenzo, the next the shifter was holding him at arm’s length with Donnie’s legs swinging nearly a foot above the floor. Black hair sprouted along Ebon’s elongated arms, rock-hard muscular arms ending in claws around Donnie’s neck. The back of the dark elf’s head lay gently against an undamaged silk wallcovering.

Everyone stopped moving, and those that could held their breath.

“Do not think my marriage makes me any less dangerous.” Black eyes glowed red in the centers. Ebon stepped closer to the wall, bending the arm without effort while keeping the elf suffocating mid-air. He brought his short snout and full set of glistening teeth closer to the Wild Hunt rider face.

“Dinner is ready in ten…Ebon, my heart, put Donnie down.”

“Dead or alive,” he growled unmoving, staring into the eyes of his trembling prey.

Ketzal’s sweet voice replied. “I don’t really care, but if you kill him, you will need to dispose of the body after dinner.”

“What are we having?”

An exasperated puff came behind him. “What do you think?”

“Something tomatoey,” her husband replied after sniffing the air close to the elf’s neck.

“Creole Boil.”

If anything, Ebon’s toothy grin grew wider. “You live.” He opened his left hand.

Donnie fell to the floor gasping, rubbing his neck.

“And if you have a minute, can you fetch some wine for the meal?” The brunette swung her waist long hair behind her as the shifter stalked closer to her to give her ear a quick bite.

Whispering into it, which did not obscure the communication to anyone in the room because of their heightened senses, he said, “I will need to give it a taste to choose the right match.”

The goddess of flowers and ephemeral things giggled softly a second before turning her lips to his. “I just sampled the dish.”

He kissed her a long moment.

“The Sidewood Sauvignon Blanc, 2012, should do.” He opened the small door between the living room and kitchen for the wine cellar stairs.

The satisfaction of Ketzal’s sigh left no doubt about the happiness of the couple’s relationship, even as it moved into its second decade. “Dinner is ready for seating as soon as someone helps me set the table.”

Tykevius and Carissa glided from where they had been hovering near the ceiling toward the dining area.

“Oh, and Donnie.” Ketzal’s musical tones carried the bass throb of power.

The elf snapped his head toward the Aztec goddess.

Her sweet smile looked even scarier than her husband’s. “I wouldn’t have seconds if I were you.”

(words 636, first published January 15, 2017)

Editing Rant: Suddenly, A New Year

Stock art of "About Time"

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Suddenly, A New Year for Editing Rants

Happy New Year. Are you Finally ready to look over your 2016 NaNo manuscript? You know it Eventually had to happen; it shouldn’t Suddenly be hitting you. The change of year should be a time shift, and you should be Starting to change your writing focus, Finally. A new Beginning and all that.

With thriller, mystery, and major choreography (fight or sex scenes), time is a driving focus. Adverbs are used to express time more than any other part of speech. As such, the normal drill of removing adverbs from the manuscript runs into a snag. Without the pulsing time adverbs, the ticking clock starts winding down.

On the other hand, I have a reason for my Time Adverb Editing Rant.

Finally, Suddenly, Eventually, … Please, please do not use more than one on a page. Certainly not two or three times in a paragraph.

Why?

“Finally” is … I don’t know … FINAL. Use it too much and the reader starts wondering if it ever is going to end.

(Gif from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Movie 1992))

“Suddenly” is SUDDEN; too many and you get whiplash. etc.

Yes, the manuscript I edited had two “finally”s in the same paragraph. I dislike seeing more than one per chapter.

And often the feeling of “suddenly” can be much more effectively shown in the manuscript than using the word “suddenly”. About half the time the word “sudden” is used, the action wasn’t very sudden at all.

EDITING EXERCISE: Search on the words “Start”, “Begin”, “Final”, “Sudden”, and “Eventual” in your present work-in-progress (WIP) (this search will also return the words ending in “-ly” and “-ing”). How close together do these appear in your document?

Flash: Half-Empty

Stock Art of Man Holding Woman

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Rating: Mature

Jeremy was safe. He had always been safe from the time they met at the orthodontist in sixth grade  getting their braces tightened through Junior Proms for their respective high schools to today, when Anthony let her know he was leaving her because she was the ice queen of the Queen City. She wasn’t an ice queen; God knows, they had sex often enough. She just wasn’t into the weirdness he started introducing after they had moved in together.

It was good to feel safe again after the last six months of Hell, before she had to go back for her things and figure out where she was going to live. Maybe she shouldn’t have drunk the half bottle of wine. She pushed a little away from Jeremy to stare into his black eyes for a moment, “I did it again didn’t I.”

A rueful smile crossed Jeremy’s boyishly handsome face, “You seem to pick them just like your mom.”

For a second Gwyn leaned her forehead against his. They used to do that as kids trying to exchange thoughts. Jeremy had been determined to learn telepathy, sci-fi geek that he was. She dropped her eyes to his drenched shirt, “And you warned me, like you always warn me.” A sob-laugh escaped. “I always look for guys that live on the edge, the rebel. I should let you choose my next boyfriend.”

His arms tightened around her back for a moment, making her feel even more secure. “Maybe you should,” his tenor voice dropping.

“I just don’t want to hurt any of your friends’ feelings.” Gwyn explained, glancing at his face a moment before focusing on the drying herbs over the stove. “I know it will happen just like that time in college when I tried to date a nice guy and I ended up jumping into bed with his roommate. I just am not safe for good people.”

Jeremy’s grip loosened in a manner that made her naturally step a little back. “You could try dating me for practice.”

Surprisingly her nipples tightened at the offer and she felt a twinge in her pussy. Gwyn licked her lips before responding. “We dated already, remember.”

Tipping his head to the side to try and capture her eyes that were darting around his immaculate kitchen. “Group dates for pizza don’t count as dating.”

She shook her head, focusing her eyes on the recognizable mortar and pestle among his more exotic kitchen gear. Whispering she said, “I don’t want to lose you. I destroy everything, and you are such a nice person.”

“Not as nice as I should be.” The twenty-six year old said as his hands slipped down a moment to grab her ass before letting it go. “Let’s go get your things from Tonedeaf; you are going to move in with me.”

Gwyn’s head spun a moment. Maybe from the wine, maybe from the surge between her legs when he grabbed her ass, maybe from Jeremy’s sudden taking over the situation. “No, no Jeremy, you shouldn’t. Anthony will still be there. You could get hurt.”

He smiled, evilly, protectively. “Somehow I doubt that.” He picked up his man-purse. Okay, leather-satchel, but Gwyn knew it was just another part of Jeremy’s being a peaceful, kind, safe guy. The purse was filled with stuff from his florist cum health food shop, including ointments he always offered to people when they were out in public. He called it marketing; she called it helping people where you find them.

Jeremy stood by the front door, holding it open so she could see the Gaelic welcome mat and his bright green Prius. Giving up, Gwyn followed him out the door. She guessed it was time to destroy him, as she had every other guy that she had ever touched.

 (633 words – originally appearing Sunday Fun on Breathless Press 10/28/12, adjusted slightly and published on old blog on 11/11/2012, republished new blog format 1/8/2017 ** May become base for first story in Novella series on Queen’s City Coven)

 

Other Cool Blogs: Magical Words October 30, 2012

Business Conversation Stock Photo

Image Courtesy of franky242 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Play’s the Thing

“Dialogue – live it, learn it, write it”, a blog posting by John G. Hartness on Magical Words.

Why to writers write? “because they have something to say”. How do writers say it? “through characters”.  How do characters say stuff? “through dialogue.”

Where can you find dialogue? In plays.                                                         

Takeaway advice to become a better writer, read plays. See the full blog here: http://www.magicalwords.net/really-i-mean-it/dialogue-live-it-learn-it-write-it/

Bonus advice for editing – Read all dialogue out loud after you have completed your WIP to make certain everything scans. I find this very useful to make certain each character sounds unique.

WRITING EXERCISE: Read a scene from a MODERN play or screenplay (not musical) no more than 20 years old (yeah, you may need to go looking). What makes the conversation feel real?