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Editing Rant: No Squiggles

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s okay to ask submission editors why they rejected your work, especially if you reached the full manuscript stage.

You might not like the answer, but you can ask.

I had one person whose unsolicited submission made it past the three chapters. I asked for a full manuscript. After reading and finding multiple problems, I gave general instructions on how to fix them and asked for a Revise and Resubmit (R&R). This is a huge stage to get to. Say out of 100 submissions, three make it past the full manuscript stage. Sure the R&R isn’t exactly happy, and there is no guarantee of sale even with an R&R (so don’t do it unless you agree with the changes recommended – more on that another day), but that is a long, long way into the process. You have something that someone enjoyed reading enough to give it a second chance.

When I rejected it, they very politely asked “if something is standing in the way of my manuscript being accepted.”

Yep. Those blue and red squiggles in Microsoft word. Sure a fantasy or sci-fi will have some for the weird words and names, but basics? Fix them. No squiggles.

The submission had gotten so far, and the author didn’t bother cleaning it up before hitting send.

***

My Full Response: Your voice in the manuscript was fine. I asked for an R&R because I enjoyed the story and thought it had merit for a second consideration. I’m nice, but not re-read a manuscript just to be nice type of nice.

The copula issue is common – I mark it on over half of all authors I work with. And one of my favorite authors, I am constantly reminding him that Word has this thing called spell-check and he really needs to turn it on and use it before sending stuff to me.

The spell-check errors killed the submission. If a writer doesn’t care enough to make sure Word isn’t marking errors, I have a problem caring about editing. Can I trust them to listen to editing advice when they don’t even look for it when it is right in front of them?

Does that make sense? Again, one of my favorite authors sets off this pet peeve of mine – so the peeve gets fed pretty regularly. I try to slim it down when I can (it gets so heavy if I am not careful, and I hate to carry it around), so I stopped reading when those squiggles got to be too much.

Good luck.

Erin Penn
Editor

***

So this poor soul shot themself in the foot. I had given them a second chance with the R&R; they didn’t get a third. The favorite author is under contract and can get away with being a computer Luddite. New folks, not so much.

About one in five unsolicited submissions fail this test. If the squiggles aren’t cleaned up, the writing has to be so amazing I don’t notice the squiggles. And that hasn’t happened yet. Remember your manuscript is passing two tests (1) is it a good readable story that the publisher can market and sell, (2) does the author show they have what it takes to be edited? Those squiggles tell a different tale than you want the publisher to read.

Flash: Gynock (Part 1)

One of the campaigns I ran used Vampire the Masquerade to power a superhero campaign. Gynock was a player character in the campaign and fell under an obsession. In a storyteller format-based game, I didn’t want a simple “oh, you double botched, that isn’t good” on the mind control, so I wrote up a story … 5,000 words … to translate the game mechanics into a narrative for the player.

Part 1 opens with Gynock waking up with his brain marbles still thoroughly shook.

He had been hearing beeps for a while before opening his eyes. He quickly closed them as the uncompromising white flooded his senses. The light was so bright that it hurt his eyes. He opened them more slowly this time, barely lifting them so that his eyelashes protected him from the worst of the glare. A voice from the brightness cheerfully welcomed him saying, “Oh good, you’re awake.”

He tried to see if he could speak. “Kind-of,” he croaked. He wasn’t certain if the sound made it past his lips.

“Have a little water” and he saw a bottle condense out of the white haze before him with a sipper straw attached. He greedily sucked the water into his too dry throat.

He flexed his hands discretely as he gulped the liquid; both were braced against something, as were his legs. His right hand had tape across the back. So he was restrained noted the combat portion deep within. The rest of his brain was fuzzy, not functioning. Something had happened.

“Good afternoon, I don’t believe we have met. My name is Dr. Reed.” The voice had changed to something deeper, more rolling. His inner self noted three people in the room and was disturbed because he couldn’t place the exact locations by sound alone, although he knew he should be capable of it. “What is yours?’

The question stumped him for a moment, then his tongue gave the answer before his brain could find it in the cotton wadding acting as his brain. “Gynock.”

“Good, good.” replied the doctor. “And what is your last name?”

Gynock thought a moment and “Pran” welled forth on his tongue and in his mind concurrently.

“And your birthday?”

Confused he answered, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” replied the doctor in a noncommental tone.

“No, my wife keeps track of stuff like that.” He had a wife? Trying to search through the slush, he confirmed it. Closing his eyes completely, a small dark-haired woman formed behind the lids. The glare was getting worse the more awake he got.

“What’s her name?”

“Destinee.”

“Does she have a last name?”

“Yes, Pran, same as mine.”

“What is her maiden name?”

Gynock’s eyebrows knitted as he tried to think of it. His tongue didn’t seem to know the answer either. He wanted to answer, but he had none. Finally, compelled by the haze, he answered with a quip. “Don’t think she was ever a maiden.”

He heard the doctor sigh before the man continued. “How many children do you have?”

“One.” And the dam broke in his mind, all centered around his little girl. A rare smile touched his lips and he volunteered, “Melodie Pran.”

“You are her biological father?”

Annoyed at the intrusion as he sorted through his partially restored memory, he threw back, “Of course.”

“And the biological mother?”

“Destinee.”

“Good, good.” said the doctor. “Do you know where you are?”

“A hospital.” He had certainly spent enough time in them during his short life; the scent was unmistakable. This time Gynock opened his eyes slowly but all the way. He now remembered he was light sensitive. There were three men in the room, he was pleased to note. One was a nurse type hovering over the two suits, both with clipboards diligently taking notes. The closer man was asking the questions.

“What do you remember last?”

He thought back: the group had gone to Waco and arrived at the house. The target had come to the door. No wait, not the target … “Moonblossom,” Gynock whispered in reverent awe.

“Good, good. What else do you remember?”

“Is she all right?” That became of driving importance despite the haze and the need to answer the questions being asked. That her perfection should not be harmed was the most important thing in the world to him.

“What do you remember?” the doctor continued in his calm steady voice, not answering Gynock’s question.

Gynock glanced around the room again. No windows and one door. He was restrained. He could be at HQ, though he might not be. He didn’t recognize anything or anyone. He still felt the need to answer the questions, but something inside him was holding him back a second. It seemed to be the training his wife put him through long ago. The fuzz must be from drugs, not injury. He wiggled his right hand again; an IV was taped there. He had gone through that for months when he was a child recovering from the fire. Truth serum? Maybe, but not anything he had previously been exposed to.

“Not much.” He answered, tapping into the training. He still needed to answer and could only answer the truth, but he could sidestep a little. “Was I knocked out or something?”

“Alright then, please tell us what you do remember.”

Were they enemy, friend or some normal hospital just going through the normal tests of establishing identity after a head injury? “Like I said, not much. Moonblossom answered the door.” And filled it spectacularly, as thoughts of her now filled his mind. She had been in danger. He remembered trying to make certain no one hurt her, then his memories just stopped.

“Good, good. And after Moonblossom answered the door, what happened?”

The compulsion to answer built, but he was able to trump it with a programmed response. “I need to see my wife.” Gynock wanted to ask for anyone else other than the evil that had brainwashed him in childhood, but this was a safe harbor they had formed in his mind when she had molded him.

“That is not advisable until we make sure you are up to it.”

He snorted in derision. “She has seen me worse.”

“Mr. Pran, we are trying to do what is best for you.”

“What is best for me is knowing she is nearby.”

(Words 978; first published 5/10/2020)

Other Cool Blogs: Magical Words 7/6/2009

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Point of view is what binds character development to plot development; it’s what allows a story and its main character to grow and change and resolve together.  When that bond is broken, even briefly, character and narrative both suffer.  The storytelling becomes confused; the reader’s identification with your lead character is compromised. 

quoted from David B. Coe, 7/6/2009, Magical Words

Remember Vernor’s Law: Every scene should do at least one, preferably two of three things: Develop character, advance plot, and/or fill in necessary background. Character-Plot-Worldbuilding walk together through every aspect of writing. The above quote struck me hard, making me understand why POV choice is so important to a manuscript. If the Character and Narrative are not handcuffed together, the manuscript will not blossom.

See the whole blog past on Biding Character and Narrative (thru) Point of View here:

Book Review: Hexed – The Iron Druid Chronicles Book 2

Book Cover from Amazon

Hexed (The Iron Druid Chronicles Book 2) by Kevin Hearne

BOOK BLURB ON AMAZON

Atticus O’Sullivan, last of the Druids, doesn’t care much for witches. Still, he’s about to make nice with the local coven by signing a mutually beneficial nonaggression treaty—when suddenly the witch population in modern-day Tempe, Arizona, quadruples overnight. And the new girls are not just bad, they’re badasses with a dark history on the German side of World War II.

With a fallen angel feasting on local high school students, a horde of Bacchants blowing in from Vegas with their special brand of deadly decadence, and a dangerously sexy Celtic goddess of fire vying for his attention, Atticus is having trouble scheduling the witch hunt. But aided by his magical sword, his neighbor’s rocket-propelled grenade launcher, and his vampire attorney, Atticus is ready to sweep the town and show the witchy women they picked the wrong Druid to hex.

 

MY REVIEW

I have been hearing about The Iron Druid Chronicles for years and I am pleased to say the book lived up to its promises. I read the second book of the series (Hexed) and it worked well as a stand-alone.

The characters are amusing, entertaining and bad-ass as one would hope for an Urban Fantasy. Action throughout, magic, and friendship. A fun quick read (taking only about 8 hours for me – I started about 8 pm … and ended at 4 am on the nose…er, I am not functioning really well today.)

What I did find that might be a problem for some people, and a benefit for others, is the book really is written like a series of novelettes with one overarching connection. I could totally see this book being put up on Amazon as four or five small $1.39 stories. “The Demon Jog”, “Coyote and the Fallen Angel” (and the best of the stories within the novel – totally funny and in line with the mythology – and the worldbuilding of how magic works is superb), “Bucchant Ball”, “Houseguests” etc.. Between every vignette is a chapter moving the overall big story, and sometimes a little something else to move forward the series plot, or to set up for the next book. Lots of things happen, and the book works as a novel – one strong plot carries through it all. I am just used to the difference between the story right now, the story for the novel and the story for the series being less obvious. This novel felt more like The Ship Who Sang (Helva) by Anne McCaffrey (a series of previously published shorts put into one book) – which isn’t exactly bad company.

I should also mention the book is sexist, with women throwing themselves at the main character, using sex as a weapon or reward or trap or all three. But this is typical of an Urban Fantasy with a male as the main character (sigh). The women are strong, but most are defined in relation to the male. The secondary male characters are also strong, but don’t see any “action”. At least in this book of the series, all the characters are functionally single with no happy, stable relationship in the lot. This may change in later books; most urban fantasy series have one stable relationship that produces children (to be put into danger).

An enjoyable read which could be put down every three or four chapters (even if I didn’t) with cool action at regular intervals. A nice Urban Fantasy (male variety) that lives up to its reputation.

Flash: Armfield

Photo by Venti Views on Unsplash

Summertime in Armfield is what heaven wished it could be. The sun shines a little more gently than Sol, the air contains a bit more oxygen, the sky cloudless except for two hours in the afternoon bringing gentle rains, and the most amazing bit, not a single terraform engine in sight constantly forcing the planet back into the pattern for human existence with an entire industry dedicated to keeping it going. Armfield welcomed the first scouts to the last load of refuges from Earth before the Unified Planets collapsed back in 2914 without us needed to change a single thing.

We don’t know how many planets are still out there with people. The terraform engines had an expected lifespan of fifty years, and it’s been a hundred since the collapse. I brushed the melancholy thoughts away as I walk from my farm to the Mating Fair celebrating the day humans first set foot on Armfield. Crowds drawn from plantations from miles around push me to the edge of the ceramic-clay road. I lack the exuberance of youth to run in packs and the hereditary wealth of the first settlers giving them room as people parted to avoid being stepped on or run over by large horses and hovercarts.

My mother had been on the last ship out of Earth; I was lucky to be farming my own land.

A few of my neighbors waved greetings as they moved by. Jackson and Limer brought their hovercart alongside and offered me a ride, which I politely turned down. If I had to listen to them pitch to buy my property one more time, someone wouldn’t be making it back to their roofs tonight.

My favorite offer from them so far was becoming their mutual concubine and letting any of my children keep the money of the sale. By favorite, I mean I managed not to stab them through the eye.

(words 318, first published 9/30/22)

Market Day Series

  1. Market (8/27/2019)
  2. Armfield (5/30/2020)Not canon. Sometimes you start down a path and the story is just wrong. I kept at it and it didn’t get better. Going to try again though.
  3. Market Day Purchase (11/1/2020)This one worked MUCH better, expanding the original.