Editing Rant: The Neighbors

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Previous in the story, the character talks about paying homeowner fees, before the scene where he becomes “sunlight adverse”. A temporary solution following his new condition’s onset is to put cardboard up on all the windows. He gets no reaction from the HOA even though the temporary solution ends up fairly permanent for the three weeks of the story.

Modern contemporary story. Do you have a problem with this, because I don’t believe this would happen in the real world.

The neighbors. Today I was stopped by a neighbor while I picked up my mail. This is a fairly consistent activity in my neighborhood. People are nosy, especially where they live.

If you are building a world closely related to the real world and want people to believe it, remember the neighbors.

Editing Rant: Bruised and Battered

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I get it. Really I do. Action means characters get into fights. Thriller, mystery, urban fantasy, sword & sorcery – fist-to-cuffs and knife fights, sword clangs and gunshots.

But what makes all these so thrilling is the threat of injury. Not necessarily death; even simple disablement could mean the difference between finding the treasure or the enemy staying two steps ahead.

For the threat of injury to carry weight, the consequences of any injury need to be real and continuous. If a normal person gets a shiner, it takes a couple days for the swelling to go down. A healthy teenager or twenty-something will have a visible bruise for ten days to two weeks; while a sixty-year old, slow to heal and with thinner skin providing more visible bruising, may take a couple months. If writing a fantasy, such  as a superhero or werewolf, healing will be faster and pain is the biggest threat.

This editing rant is based on a book I read (not edited), published by a big house for a named author. A cyber-thriller with “normal” human beings who were exceptional hackers.

I’m going to call them “continuity” issues.

The main point-of-view character gets beat up, a lot. Before his arrest, some people who he had hacked found him and registered their discontent. He barely pulled himself home with a loose tooth, split lip, likely black eye (swelling), and BROKEN ribs (he heard the snap). He arrives home to find the feds, who taser him. Tasering in the real world makes all your muscles contract, which wouldn’t help his injuries but wouldn’t make them noticeably worse. Next time we see the POV, the agent-in-charge only notices the split lip. Please note BRUISED ribs take three to six weeks to heal in healthy adults, BROKEN ribs more so. The book narration reports no medical evaluations or intervention.

When he meets the rest of the hackers, no one thinks anything of his injuries even though they all sleep in the same area. Have you ever gotten out of bed with bruised ribs? I have. Unfun.

How long has passed between the first fight and him getting stuck in the dorm room? No clue, this “thriller” has no ticking clock, and therefore no thriller ride. Best I could figure is about a week, likely less.

The second day in the secret hacker prison/”work-for-us-and-we-erase-stuff” location, the POV gets tasered again and, the same day, a guard “pistons a fist into his side”. Even if the ribs were bruised and on the other side, I seriously doubt a geek-hacker would “launch himself upwards” swinging fists. Getting punched that hard hurts, knocks breath from the body. Doing it in a body area undergoing healing, opposite side (no side specified for either injury so let’s be generous and say opposite side) just means both sides are non-functional.

The POV continues to be a punching bag throughout the story, but I gave up at 25% of the book because the injuries of this normal human being had no impact on his life or the story.

I understand. Someone getting beating bloody in a thriller is a wonderful image. But obey the rules of the world. If you have normal people, SHOW the consequences of the injuries, CONTINUE the consequences of the injuries.

Other Cool Blogs: Fantasy Faction July 11, 2017

Pennsic War starts today. At 9 am Eastern Time, the flood gates open and I will be standing in the breach, my first year as a “general”. I am in charge of troll. If you want to check-in, you go through me and my staff. (Needless to say, I have prepped this posting in advance.)

Worldbuilding, whether creating a world through writing or through digging dirt and setting up tents, needs to be done on multiple layers. For Pennsic, it isn’t enough to buy a modern tent and show up. You need garb and money, food and equipment. And once everything is set up, learning, fighting, friends, and stories. Layers upon layers.

When writing about warcraft, the layers are also needed, especially in the fantasy and science fiction setting. Historic game-changers for war have included the spear, the bow, the stirrup, gunpowder, tanks, and missiles. Each modified strategy and logistics. Fog and rain negates long-distance weaponry. Mud negates heavy objects like horses and tanks. High ground, low ground. Water, food, heat, cold, distance, troops. Each impact a battle.

What happens when magic is added to the mix? How would scientific advancements adjust tactics? Could plain-old weather and landscape negate the fantastic science and magic? What worldbuilding is needed to make a magical world at war be real?

Fantasy Faction explores this in “Worlds within Worlds – Part Three: Magic Warfare“. Having lived through and in a (reenacted) medieval mud and war environment, I have some different ideas than are presented here. No mention is made of fortifications, and the magical enhancements to said fortifications. I seriously doubt the wizards would be the group leaders, more like specialists within a group, since they will be too busy casting to keep track of the battle around them. The healers in the backlines would be major targets, like the supply depots are today, though hard to reach.

And mud. Mud is a thing. I am so hoping this year will be a dry year for Pennsic. Though dust is also a thing. Dust and camp fire smog. The haze burns the eyes. So a little rain once every other day would be nice. But even a little rain means mud when you got 5,000 warriors on a field. Basically war is mud and dust no matter what and I will be living in it for three weeks. Checking in other crazy people for this worldbuilding of war exercise.

Read the article to see how layers can be added through worldbuilding: http://fantasy-faction.com/2017/worlds-within-worlds-part-two-magic-warfare

 

DAY-OF NOTE – It is a wet Pennsic … rain every day for three weeks is predicted. Scattered showers so around 10-20 minutes per day. Result will mean not as much dust … lots more mud. Clay mud resulting in “slick” in the hard pack areas; deep, boot-sucking fens in the grassy areas.

 

WRITING EXERCISE: If you are writing a fantasy or science fiction story, think about one of the defining magics/scientific advances of your story. Apply it to a battle situation, guerrilla or traditional. Where would changes occur: supply lines, medical units, food, mobility, communication, hand-to-hand, and distance? Take one of the changes and expand on how it would affect an officer, a grunt, and a civilian who lives near the battlefield. 

***

A laser pistol. The beam goes until it hits something, then burns a hole – instantly vaporizing the material. 

“until it hits something” – Missing is bad. The beam continues until it disperses. At this time we have home tools which can measure as far as 660 feet, about a tenth of a mile. Let’s say the laser pistol is has an effective TIGHT range of 0.1 miles and disbursement stops somewhere around triple that. 

The radius of the hole is very limited, which means it needs to hit a particular spot on a human being to kill them (sniper) or go right through them. Sniper accuracy in battle is pretty bad, so it needs to be a borer – go through about a foot of human flesh.

Not a weapon one would like to use on a spaceship or in close-combat where the troops are mixed up. 

The upside medically is the laser self-cauterizes resulting in less bleed-outs; if the wound isn’t fatal, the injured party can keep fighting. The downside medically is the self-cauterization means that wound is basically permanent. Dead flesh, whatever is left after the vaporization, all the way through. The medical staff would need to remove the burned, destroyed flesh as part of the treatment, significantly increasing the tissue damage.

First thing people are going to do is create an armor to deflect the damage. Armor adds heat and weight to soldiers. Face grills will be required, because even diffuse lasers will be nasty to the eyes at three-tenths of a mile, which will restrict vision – a requirement on the battlefield. Likely a full helmet will result, restricting breathing and being very nasty for when sick.

The grunt would prefer a splatter weapon with a shorter range, three-tenths of a mile is too big. Too much a chance of friendly fire downrange. The armor and full helmet will annoy and be horrific in hot environments, but the grunt will wear it anyway because getting hit pretty much mean limb or organ loss since medical ain’t got nothing to fix after its been vaporized. Thank the skynet for cyberparts, right?

Officers will train snipers and also need to set protection against being sniped.

The civilian will need to get out of the way. In urban warfare the range of the weapons is five blocks. I can’t even see that far. No hiding in the house from a weapon good at penetrating a foot of material. And out in open fields, lie down in a rut like a tornado is about to go over.

On Sunday, look for the flash “Wounds”, inspired by this writing exercise.

Other Cool Blogs: Tor Feb/Mar 2017

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Costume and Story

Last year I attended a panel on costume in writing. Being one of two audience members, matching the two speakers, we had a lively round-robin discussion. (Sometimes smaller is better.) The panelists were steampunk writers; few other genres are as clothing driven as steampunk. But we ranged from the uniforms of the David Weber‘s science-fiction Manitcore Navy to the shawls of Robert Jordan‘s fantasy used to represent Ajah alliances. Clothing provides meaning, layering. World history. 

And sometimes clothing defines the character.

Tor, publisher of science fiction and fantasy, asks their authors to provide posts on occasion for their website. Sarah Gailey provided one on Storytelling through Costume. She stuck with the visual mediums of television and movies, but the ideas are sound for writing as well.

Iconic SFF Costumes: Storytelling through Costumes

The Allure of the Red Dress

The Woman in White

The Badass Black Tank Top Walks the Line 

While I am well familiar with the Red Dress and the Woman in White tropes, I hadn’t run into the Black Tank Top before. Very illuminating on finding a balance between the strong woman and the vulnerable woman, a person of competence and an object of objectification.

WRITING EXERCISE: Define a character through his or her costume.

***

In Honestly, during Chapter Four, Kassandra has the following observation of Troy:

Today, Troy had on his normal button down long sleeve shirt with collar paired with a set of slacks. Only the top button was unbuttoned, transforming a nerd look into sleek male. Was he brown all over, or did his father’s inheritance make him paler where the sun doesn’t shine? A golden yellow shirt and the forest green pants prevented her from finding out immediately. How he would tolerate what she was coming to think as his uniform once summer truly began, she had no idea. May first just past and the temperatures outside were peaking in the high eighties every day.

Troy’s formality shows through in his clothing choices, as well as the wish to hide the scars on his body and soul, but a hint of opening in his armor shows with the single button unbuttoned. As the story progresses, less of his body is covered and his clothing gets more informal but never completely informal or poorly maintained (wrinkled or torn).

Note the long clothing description did not occur until well into the story (chapter four), when the reader is committed to the story. The scene served two purposes: character development for Troy and hint at the emotional evolution of Kassandra who both admired him sexually and delved deeper into who he was as a person.

Editing Rant: Choose a System

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Bopping along editing a science fiction piece. Good, good. Lovely choice of the metric system. Then I read “the whole nine yards”, buildings are referred to in square footage, etc.

Know the measuring system you are using. While a rare holdout and phrase may occur, such as “stones” as a weight unit in the English “pound” system, these holdouts are rare for a reason. Especially thousands of years in the science-fiction future or in alternate universes of fantasy. Switching systems throws people out of the world you are creating.

Measuring systems are part of the worldbuilding. Don’t crumble the foundations before even starting.