NaNo: The Opening of the Swan

The Opening page of The Swan, so far. I received feedback that the physical description came too soon and the opening is too “purple”. Also the name “Dougie” read like “Doogie” and threw people out of the story. I kind-of want the name to be Douglas for its name meaning. Do you agree with the feedback I have received? Do you have additional feedback. Comment below.

The Swan and the Kitty (Urban Fantasy)

The scream rending the night’s air in two, separating the indistinguishable grayness from half lit street poles into bright white full moon pools and black shadows, caught Dougie in the heart. He didn’t think twice before setting his laundry duffle securely across his shoulders and putting his four hundred pound, six foot frame lumbering in the direction of the noise. Echoing barks countered the caterwauls.

Tucked between the forgotten buildings of Tuscon’s south side Douglas discovered another battle in the age-old war between the canine pack predators and a feline solo hunter. Douglas cursed under his breath about pet owners who abandoned their pets when they stopped being cute. The Maine Coon cat had managed to get in an elevated area but was bleeding from several bites. Below it, four feral dogs each nearly twice the size of the admittedly very large cat jumped and barked, spittle flying.

He hated bullies.

After twisting the drying towels he had been carrying outside the bag tightly around his arms, Dougie stomped forward yelling and waving his arms.

Eerily the dogs immediately stopped barking and turned to face him. The bright black, brown and blue eyes staring at him were far too intelligent for discarded half-starved pets. The largest of the pack, a black creature with Rottweiler in its mixed line, yipped twice and the yellow and brown dogs broke from the pack while the Alpha and the fourth dog returned to monitoring their primary prey.

(243 words, first published 11/20/2016)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *